lacochran's bloggery: WTF

07 June 2012

"Your love is sweet misery" --Aerosmith

*stands* Hi, my name is L. A. and I am a Saabaholic.

How else do you explain going through this with the first Saab and then buying another Saab?

*sticks chin out resolutely* Well, this is my second and LAST Saab.*

Yes, they do help my lead foot take flight BUT permit me to explain my latest in a long series of strange Saab experiences...

Me, sounding disturbingly like Milton in Office Space: The alarm on my car goes off at odd times for no apparent reason. My husband and I are nowhere near the fobs and suddenly it'll go off, by itself, and I've got to run and get the fob to turn it off. Yesterday it went off four times in a row. The alarm goes off, I run and turn it off, a minute passes and it goes off again! Over and over! This only seems to happen at home. My neighbors are not pleased.

The Saab service guy, AKA Mr. Helpful: Could be a weak alarm system. You say you can turn if off with the fob?

Me: Yes.

Mr. Helpful: Then it's not that. If it was a weak alarm system, you wouldn't be able to turn it off with the fob.

Me: ...

Mr. Helpful: You can bring it in and we can test it. But if it's intermittent, we may not find it since it might not happen while it's here.

Me: It only seems to happen at home.

Mr. Helpful: That might be hard to reproduce, then.

Me, gritting my teeth: Is it possible that something in the neighborhood, like another person's alarm control is setting it off?

Mr. Helpful: Sure! There are only so many frequencies. I've heard of that happening.

Me: Is it possible to just turn the alarm off? Permanently?

Mr. Helpful: We can bypass the alarm mechanism but it'll run you about $250. *pause* It can be done but it's not easy to get to. You'll have to leave it and we'll give you a loaner.

I commit to nothing and get off the phone. I vent to Hubs. Hubs googles it and finds a slew of people reporting the same problem.

Hubs: I found a fix on the Internet!

Me: Great!

Hubs: Get in the car, put the key in but turn the motor off. Then press the "Night Panel" button.

Me: Okay, and then what?

Hubs: That's it. I think you may have to hold the button for a few seconds.

Me: That can't be all there is to it.

All the same, I go out to the car. With the key in and the motor off, I press "Night Panel" for three seconds. The blinking indicator that shows the alarm is activated GOES OFF!!!

The alarm hasn't activated since. For this tremendous effort they wanted $250.

#$^*!%@ Saab!

Question du jour: What percentage of car mechanics do you feel are honest?

* That would sound a whole lot tougher if the company was still in business and producing Saabs. Nope! They've gone under. Can't imagine why. *rolls eyes*

16 June 2009

"I don't know, I don't know...." --Jimmy Buffett

[You think your job is bad.]

Recently, I am in the bathroom at work, though not in the building my office is in. For those keeping track, there is no candy in this particular bathroom.

I am in a stall and someone enters the stall next to mine. Here's what I hear:

(30 seconds)
*flush!*
(20 seconds)
*flush!*
(20 seconds)
*flush!*
(20 seconds)
*flush!*
(35 seconds)
*flush!*
(20 seconds)
*flush!*

I've heard no other noise prior to, or in between, all this flushing. I can't help but wonder: what is this? Is this someone having a very bad, extended, but silent, bathroom experience? Is this Fawn Hall trying to flush evidence, bit by bit?* Is this a three-year-old who enjoys watching the toilet flush? Is this more experimental music from Laurie Anderson?***

I don't know what it is but I don't wait for the encore. I get the heck out of there.

* Okay, my pop references are a little old. And your point would be??**

** And my poop references, too.

*** Where I could tolerate Laurie Anderson, I once tagged along with friends to see a documentary at the Hirshorn on Philip Glass and his music. A sample of Philip Glass:

I'm clearly not high-brow enough to get the, um, genius of Philip Glass.