"I want it... I want it... I want it..." -- The Who

I never thought I'd be participating in LivitLuvit's TMI Thursday because, well, it's just so... sordid. But, if I'm honest with myself, I need to get off my high horse and just tell you.

*takes deep breath and drops eyes* So, yeah, I did it.

I could have not done it. I could have stopped myself. But I really didn't want to.

I deprive myself enough. And, especially at this time of year--losing light and losing warmth is really challenging for me, so I don't think it's unreasonable if I'm in need of a little extra, um, comfort. Yeah, I'm probably rationalizing here, but, I dunno, maybe there's a part of me that gets tired of always doing the right thing. Maybe I like being bad.

So I did it.

You know what? I liked it. A lot. It was satisfying in a deep way. It was profoundly sensual so I lingered. I wasn't alone in the house and I did it anyway, knowing I could get walked in on at any time. And, sure enough, I was caught in the act. Yup! So, maybe I got a little self-conscious but I kept going.

And even that doesn't stop me from thinking I may do it again.

I'm re-reading that and it may sound a little braggy. I'm not trying to brag here. The thing is: you show up here trying to connect with me. You make the effort and I'm grateful. Really, you've no idea what it means to me that you check in on my stupid, little show. So, in return, I figure I owe you a little honesty.

*swallows and catches lower lip in teeth* Some of you are judging me right now. You think less of me. I get that.

*raises eyes* But some of you... you think more. Because either you've thought about it or you've done it, yourself.

You know.

You're into the grilled cheese, too.