29 April 2010

"Big ol' jet airliner, don't carry me too far away" --Steve Miller Band

Here's the thing: Why do I always want to start every blog post with the phrase "Here's the thing"? Things? They get to me. And, life? Chock full of things. More things than should be allowed under the legal limit. I'm just saying, please eliminate three.

Maybe I should just re-title my blog: "Here's the thing."

So, anyway, none of that was actually the thing. Here's the thing: I'm going on vacation. Off to the beach.*

I've earned it. I cut way back on the cheesy tots (I heard you gasp!), exercised 27 times in the last 29 days (I KNOW, right? I'm the buffest 80-something you'll ever meet), saved my pennies, actually completed a few things at work, and now? I'm done. Outta here. Sayonara. Bedee-bedee-bedee, that's all folks!

What can I leave you with to chew on?

How about Five Truths About Air Travel:

  • The person in front of you in line at the ticket/baggage counter will have 40 bags, and will speak no English. They will not understand what the agent is saying, with increasing volume, about additional charges and weight limits.
  • No matter what seat you choose while waiting at the gate, there will be someone facing directly at you, barking into their cell phone. They will have nothing of consequence or interest to say. Yet, they will say it. For half an hour. They will pretend you are not giving them the "I hope you don't make it to the future" stare.
  • On the plane, a passenger will come along and open the already closed overhead bin above your head. "Just to check."
  • Upon landing, when the stewardess asks everyone to keep their seat-belts on until the plane has come to a full stop and the captain indicates that it's safe to move about the cabin, there will be the sound of tiny clicks all over the cabin as every single person unfastens his/her seat-belt.
  • After taxiing, there will be some idiot that leaps up as soon as the bell dings and runs to the front of the aisle, only to wait another fifteen minutes with everyone else until the door opens.****
Question du jour: Aisle or window? Show your work.

Miss me! Of course, I will be spending every minute of vacation trying to think of clever things to blog about for you.

*slow-mo wavey-wave*

* Please don't rob me.**

** If you do come by, be sure and give Brucie, our pit bull, a big hug from us. He loves to snuggle.***

*** Oh, and if you have to take something, please, please, please don't take the highly-valuable-via-resale-on-Ebay rock CDs from the early 70s that my husband--er, we love so.

They're in the family room.

On the right.

Next to the TV.

Top two shelves.

Don't take those.

****That idiot might be me.


Gilahi said...


KCSherri said...

Have a great time!

I love Steve Miller - saw them in concert a long time ago. (that tells you how old I am...ahem)

And you are SO right on your truths....I hate flying. Ugh.

The Bug said...

I LIKE 70s music - reminds me of my childhood. So what street do you live on again? :)

Have a GREAT time! Don't even think about us. Really.

Anonymous said...

Have a sunny vacation on the beach!

I prefer the aisle :)

Mike said...

Finding the Cd's sounds complicated. Could you just box them up and UPS them to me?

Kate said...

Window. I'm not sure why because I'm six foot tall, but I love the window. Have fun!

Unknown said...

Wow. Honestly, until I read the title of this post, I thought that song said "Big hotel with a light on, carry me too far away". Which, now I think about it, makes NO freaking sense. So thanks for clearing that up.

Dmbosstone said...

Easy: Aisle- I don't like feeling trapped in by another person.

alex said...

Lori, sounds like you were mixing in a bit of "Hotel California." :D

Aisle for short flights, window for long flights (so I can sleep against the wall).

Lemon Gloria said...

Aisle. I'm far too twitchy to be stuck in by the window.

And the fact that there's licorice attached to the floaty things makes me feel a lot better about airplane emergencies.

Have fun!

Pauline said...

You lucky bum! Have a great time!
Window seat. Definitely.

Brutalism said...

Hey...I remember your post on the Carlyle Club a while back. I'm speaking with a Washingtonian reporter about dance places for people older than 20 -- and she wants to know what this place is like. If you are not yet on vacation, can you e-mail me at kathleencanedo at yahoo.com if you wouldn't mind being in touch with the reporter?

Toe said...

Sounds like a fun Vacation. I expect at least one picture of the beach because I'm currently watching snow fall and am completely jealous. Also, Window every time. That way when I pass out, I mean fall asleep I won't fall into the isle or someones shoulder.

annie said...

Most of my young life, my family didn't have the money to be flying willy-nilly all over the country on fancy vacations. Instead, we'd all pile into the Aerostar, destination: someone else's house.

Now that I have my own money I've been traveling a lot more, and after making my first 2 trips, I've come to the conclusion that flying is not fun or glamorous, as I expected it to be. It is a pain in the ass. Aisle or window seat? I'd rather be strapped to the wing. At least I can stretch my legs out there!

Sean said...

I have no idea why, but #4 on your list bothers me. Why do people unlock their seatbelts when the plane is still moving?

Have a great trip!

wv: repress. That's a real word! Is that allowed?

Susan said...

Addendum: The person next to you in coach will have a tubercular-sounding deep-chest cough and an abnormally wide rear end.

Much as I hate to be trapped, I hate even more having nothing to look at but the backs of peoples' heads.
I will squeeze against the side of the plane for the option of having a window.
In the event of a disaster, I shall see the end approaching and I like to know things first.

Barbara said...

I confess to unbuckling immediately upon landing. Whew! Glad I got that off my chest.

If I could go on a trip just about anywhere right now, I would promise to stay buckled up...

Ibid said...

Wow. I always thought they were saying "Big ol' Jed had a light on. Don't carry me too far away. Big ol' Jed had a light on, cause it's here that I want to say." Which makes no sense, but I let it go because it's music and didn't really think it needed to make sense.

rachaelgking said...

Aisle. For urinary reasons.

That came out wrong...

Have a blast!!!!!!!

Kate said...

Hope you're having a wonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnderful time!

And window. ALWAYS window.

Reya Mellicker said...

Aisle. Always the aisle.

Here's the thing: after reading this post, I am reminded of why I try never to get on an airplane. It's a dreadful way to travel. Fast, yes. But YUCK. Bring back train travel I say, and boat travel.

I'd rather ride a horse to the beach than take a damn plane.

Have a great holiday!

Anonymous said...

aisle. I'll also comment on the reclining position. there's just not enough room for a horizontal thought. save them for the beach.

lacochran said...

Gilahi: *blink* Yes?

Drama Queen: Did, thanks. Now to plan the next vacation...

The Bug: How could I not?

HKW: Thanks--Did! And me, too!

Mike: On their way. And shhhhh!

Kate, Pauline: You can have it! :) Thanks, I did.

Lori @ RRSAHM, Ibid: The meter is all off. Who says Air-o-line-er, anyway?

Dmbosstone, Lemon Gloria: I agree completely.

alex: You are complex.

Brutalism: Am I too late?

Toe: Done!

annie: It isn't fun or glamorous but it is a means to a tropical end.

Sean: Because once you've successfully flown, taxiing is no big deal?

Susan: I can forgive a large addendum but the hacking cough makes me really uncomfortable. And on the aisle you can see the drink cart coming.

Barbara: You're in good company.

LiLu, Kate: Did! Thanks!

Reya Mellicker: It was SO worth it to see Antigua. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Anonymous: Why do they even bother with the centimeter difference in upright and reclining?