24 March 2010

"He's the man, the man with the Midas touch" --Shirley Bassey

Liebchen talks about wanting to be ambidextrous and pursuing it as a goal. And reading this, the first thing I thought was, that's a cool spy skill. As in, if you were a spy, that would be a cool thing you might need to know/be able to do.

I think about these things. If I were a spy. Or, if I were a criminal. I watch a lot of movies and I read a lot of thrillers.* And the main characters always have mad skills. And multiple identities. And methods of disappearing should the need arise.

A spy/criminal skill I have: I can, and have, carded doors. That is, I can open a door without a key--just with a card. Not every door, not every lock but it is a skill I learned in college** and I've found use for it. *eyes dart* Legitimate use, of course.

Question du jour: What spy/criminal/ninja skills do you have or do you wish you had?

Bonus question: How do you keep a throwing star from making a hole in your pocket? (Or scrotum, should you have such a thing.)

Extra bonus question: Can our pass code be "Your monkey is dipping his banana in my Captain Crunch"?

* Correction: I used to read a lot of thrillers. Now, I'm doing well if I read two books a year. *shakes fist* Curse you, Blog Reader! What have you done to me?!

** See, Mum? And you thought all that tuition was a waste.


Kate said...

I learned lots of cool things about surviving in prison when I was in treatment. I was there with a woman that had been locked up for YEARS. Government issued pads into tampons? Oh yeah, baby!

Anonymous said...

I have a really good memory, my elbows are double-jointed and the skin on my face has always seemed to stretch more than it should on an average person.

Yeah, I'd make a lame spy. I share your "If I were a spy" day dreams though!

Cyndy said...

Goldfinger! A little Midas touch would really come in handy right about now. My husband knows how to pick locks but I've forbidden him to use that skill unless it is for the greater good.

I must have some secret skills too but I can't remember what they are. Now I've acquired a whole lot of skills that I never wanted to have. Maybe when they subside I'll be able to remember what my secret skills were.

Tania said...

I would like the ability to look really hot in black spandex while acrobatically maneuvering myself around motion detector sensor beams.

Ibid said...

I have a fatty lump that forms in my wrist if I bend my hand a certain way.

I can make stoplights turn green just by staring at them.

And I'm striving to be MacGyver. I just made some ferromagnetic fluid from toner and vegetable oil.

Liebchen said...

I'm still working on that ambidextrous thing, but I do think like that sometimes - if I were a spy...

Actually, like Ibid, I'd love to be MacGyver. Talk about life goals.

Pauline said...

Two spy skills I I wish I had: Genius abilities in math and computer science and the ability to take down a dozen men with a few sexy kicks and throws. That would be great!

Dmbosstone said...

Two words: smoke bombs.

Alice said...

i'm like pauline: the spy moves I'VE always wanted were super-sweet fighting skillz. like the chick from alias. i want to BE her.

Mike said...

Q1 - none - all
Q2 - Never set one down - throw it.
Q3 - I'm going to have to get back to you on that.

Lemon Gloria said...

People never, ever suspect me of anything nefarious. I think that makes me an ideal spy candidate. Also, I can speak Spanish with an Indian accent. Useful in very limited circumstances, but you never know.

lacochran said...

Kate: Pads into tampons? I can't quite get my head around that.

HKW: Keep the dream alive!

Cyndy: Maybe focusing on work skills takes valuable brain space away from spy skills?

Mac and Cheese: I'm totally with you!

Ibid: Ah, MacGyver. Ya gotta love him.

Liebchen: Indeed. What does his resume look like?

Pauline: While your hair stays perfect, right?

Dmbosstone: 5 words: Way better than stink bombs.

Alice: Maybe all the pole dancing practice will help.

Mike: re: Q2... good point. It is in the name, after all.

Lemon Gloria: It's the quiet ones you have to watch.

Jen Alien-Spouse said...

I developed this thing where if I accidentally make eye contact with someone, I will "blink" and use that time to re-arrange where my eyes are looking. Which is sort of spy-like, no?

By the way, you have to visit the Spy Museum in Washington. It's fascinating AND you get to practice various spy skills. Turns out that I would die at the first check-point, but at least I know that about myself now.
Plus the gift shop is just a geeky slice of heaven.