"I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day" --Todd Rundgren

Busybusybusy. The little squirrel in my brain is freaking out over the volume of work lately. She's shaking her furry fist at the world and downing a few too many acorn martinis. Worse, she can't seem to focus long enough to crank out a blog post.*

So, more flotsam:

• Speaking of squirrels, the black squirrels are finally showing up in my neighborhood. Way cool, right?! So far? A very peaceful integration.
  

• Really? Sara Rue losing 50 pounds isn't significant enough? They have to enlarge her 'before' picture cut-out such that she looks short next to her former self? Please.
  

• Is it wrong to love an appliance? Ew, not like that, people. No! We got a new refrigerator and it's sooooo purty! And, unlike the old one, it doesn't make ominous noises like a Wes Craven movie. It just quietly cools. Mmmmm.

• Speaking of annoying television (redundant much?) , have you seen this commercial?

Literally? Literally? That would be: no. I begin to think people have no effin' clue as to what that word means. And stuff like this? Not so helpful. As the Hubs says, it's kind of like a company that makes educational toys intentionally misspelling their name: PlaySkool. Not so helpful.

• Bazillion dollar idea: Wine pairings with junk food. They already pair wine with chocolate. And dessert wines with...well... your fancy type desserts. But which Eiswein goes with Twinkies? Which Zinfandel stands up to your First Degree Burn Doritos Jalapeno Flavored chips? Which box of Chardonnay is going to truly bring out the flavor of your Sour Patch Kids? THIS is what America needs to know.

* Why are you looking at me? *points back to squirrel*

"These are things that I don't understand" --Coldplay

[Men at work.]


Today, I was walking to my car in a parking lot. This is where, if this were a TV after-school special (do they still have those?) or a Lifetime movie (can I tell you how much I hate Lifetime movies? They should call Lifetime the Victim channel), the menacing music would kick in. But, no, it was a bright, sunny day. No ominous soundtrack.

As I walked, I noticed that there were a couple clusters of men on break from a construction project. They were sitting in two clumps, on the grass, in the shade, chatting. (Question du jour #1: Do men chat? Or is that strictly a female word? Like "gossip", "bitch", "fallopian"...*rolls eyes*)

All but two guys, that is. Two guys, that matched the group in work outfit and general demeanor, were sort of meandering through the parking lot, a few cars away from each other. They were checking doors and trunks on various cars, and finding them locked. I paused and watched them for a moment. They didn't seem to notice/care that I was watching.

Questions du jour #2 & 3: What would you assume these guys were doing? What would you do if you saw this behavior?

Assorted Flotsam

• Not long ago, we tried a hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant near home. It had zero atmosphere, unless you count the Chinese TV channel that was blaring some teen dance contest or the woman shucking peas at one of the 10 simple tables. In the front window they had a poster asking people to vote for this restaurant as the top Chinese restaurant in the country. Seriously. Wonder why they stopped at country. Why not go for "top Chinese restaurant in the universe"? Well, I may not know my mu-shu from Uranus but I found the website and voted for them. I did! Not because I'm an authority on Chinese restaurants in the U.S. but because the meal they provided was surprisingly tasty and... they asked. There was something wonderful about simply asking to be voted #1. Like us? Vote for us! Beautiful. Takes me back to fifth grade elections when all you needed was a few poster-boards and a magic marker to be elected class president. This is how all elections should be run. Okay, maybe I'm being a little simplistic. They can use glitter and glue, too.

• Things I've tried and thought I wouldn't ever do again: sift, iron, bake bread. Well, I still hold by the first two. I don't sift flour. I don't iron clothes. And I don't care if you think less of me for it. I no longer say that I don't bake bread thanks to the amazing:

combined with the glorious:
People, it's unreal. I make the most gorgeous, delicious, professional-looking, artisinal boules now! And it's a NO KNEAD recipe! Crazy, but true! We will never buy bread again! Bonus: I get to say boule!

Me: Allow me to present Robert.

Sister: Robert?

Me, unveiling bread: Robert Boule!

• And still more things I thought I'd never do... You know how you drive down the road and see some idiot running in the pouring rain? And you mutter to yourself, smugly, "Idiot!"? Yeah, that was me, running in the rain last week. I was training for a 5K which I completed, by golly! I finished. Without the need of a stretcher. So, you know, that's something.

Never say "never", people.*


Question du jour: Ever do something you thought you'd never, ever do? Share.**



* Unless it's sifting or ironing.

**Especially the naughty bits.***

*** It's just between us. Scouts honor.****

**** I was never a scout. I heard they make you iron.

"Baby, baby, don't get hooked on me" --Mac Davis

So, hypothetically, of course...

You're amongst people you know. In the room, there are, among others, a young couple and their few-month-old baby. The baby has a good disposition and is generally the star in the room. Lots of 'oo'-ing and 'aa'-ing and you do a bit of "aww, isn't that sweet" yourself. Eventually, the baby gets offered up for holding. People clamor to hold the baby. Eventually, Young Parent turns to you, expectantly, and says "Would you like to hold the baby?"

Thoughts that come to mind:

No.

Not really.

This outfit isn't drool-resistant.

Why? I've been watching it for the last hour. It doesn't do much.

I'm fine without that responsibility, thanks.

and similarly (apparently) inappropriate things. It isn't that you have a problem with the baby, you just have no desire to hold it.

Question #1: Does this make you a mean or cold person?

Question #2: What do you say to Young Parent?

and, finally, Question #3: Is it rude to not hold the baby?

"I just want your extra time and your..." --Prince

Last weekend, we canceled our plans with friends because Hubs suggested some time in bed would be much preferable. Sexy, no?

Well, not exactly. He came down with a cold.

My mother: Stay away from him!

She's very compassionate that way.

Luckily, Dish was featuring a free preview weekend for HBO. In between bringing him juice and tissues, I took advantage of his weakened state to check out a bunch of chick flicks: (500) Days of Summer, Crush, The Time Traveler's Wife, and Love Happens. And in at least one of these--who can remember which--someone wakes up someone else and kisses them. You see it all the time in movies. "Good morning!" followed by a big ol' smooch. And every time I see this, I think Bleah! Morning breath! In the morning, my mouth tastes like something crawled in there and died.* But it doesn't seem to phase them a bit. Not even squinky faces. Ah, Hollywood.

Which brings us to the question of the day: Kissing before brushing of the teeth--sexy or gross? Or both?




* TMI? You know you still want me.