"It's not so hard" --Sparklehorse

Why is everything way harder than it has to be? I go into the Subway and before I get in line I decide to make use of the facilities. As I approach the restroom, a lady is coming out. I see the door close behind her. I reach for the handle and tug. It's locked.

Bathroom lady (BL): Did it lock?
Me: Yes.
BL: It locked?
Me, trying handle again: Yes.
BL: Maybe they have a key.
Me: Probably.

BL and I approach the counter and speak directly to an employee.

BL: I just left the bathroom and it locked behind me.
Subway Guy (SG): It locked?
Extra-Helpful Woman in Line (EHWiL): I think she said it locked behind her.
SG: Did you lock the key inside?
BL: I didn't see a key.
EHWiL: I think she said it locked behind her.
BL, pointing to me: She can't get in.
SG to BL: You didn't see a key?
EHWiL: She said it locked behind her.
Me: I just need access to the restroom. Can you let me in?
SG: Yeah.
EHWiL pointing to BL: That woman said it locked behind her.

Rest easy, he found the key and I used the facilities.

I say all this to say, what kind of person is the EHWiL? I didn't even need BL to speak on my behalf but I sure as heck didn't need EHWiL volunteering her expert witness perspective. Who does this? BL was speaking directly to SG and she wasn't mumbling or hard to understand. Why are some people self-appointed interpreters? And is it okay to smack them? Because I really wanted to smack her.

"'Cause I don't believe you" --Crack the Sky

I get conference advertisements in my work e-mail a lot, which is kind of strange because I don't go to a lot of conferences--maybe one conference a year.*

One of the most popular topics for these conferences--and I just got another email for one today--is "Doing more with less." This idea, that if we were just a little more efficient... if we worked just a little smarter... if we re-engineered our processes and looked for ways to cut down on overhead... we'd all be freakin' MacGyver.

Can we just stop that lie right here and now? Because every time I hear it, a delicate little part of me gets screwed up a little more tightly. See, there's this belief inherent in the "do more with less" philosophy that we're all idiots and if we just woke up to the fact that we're being idiots, we could solve any problem. Offensive, no?

But "doing more with less" is bad on a whole different level; it is no less than downright un-American at this time. "Doing more with less" is the cornerstone of the lousy economy that we're mired in right now. You heard me. So stop that belt tightening.**

There are companies out there that used to employ 100 people but now get by with 75 because they think they can "do more with less." So 25 people wind up out of work.

(And 75 people get high blood pressure and rocky relationships. They're the winners? Not so sure.)

So what do the 25 unemployed people do? They "do more with less", by golly. They "stretch" meal dollars by not going out to restaurants and not buying high-end groceries. So, the restaurants can't afford to stay open and the grocery stores jack up their prices and cut back on staff, meaning: more people get laid off. And you know where that goes. Thaaaaaaat's right: more reality television with Flava Flav. And nobody wants that.

Hm? Oh, and cataclysmic, world-wide spiraling economic failure. Which, let's face it, isn't much better.

"Do more with less"? How about "do more with more"? Or even "do less with more"? Because that's a slogan I can get behind. How about "do a teeny, tiny bit that you might have done anyway with so much stuff that it might as well be the warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark"? Can that be our new rally cry?

Come on, people. If we all do the absolute minimum, while consuming the maximum, we can stimulate this economy into a golden era of prosperity. Really, it's the least we can do!

*cue America the Beautiful with image of flag waving in the wind*




* And, even then, I have yet to be in a water balloon fight or wear a fez. It's disheartening.

** It makes your muffin top that much more muffiny.

"Nothing compares to you" --Sinead O'Connor

Bobby: Mom, can I eat something else?

Mom: You begged me for the cornflakes with the tiger on it, remember?

Bobby: Yeah, but these taste funny.

Mom: I can't be throwing food out all the time, Bobby.

Bobby: *pouting*

Mom: Well, luckily these were on sale. Fine. Pour that out. I got you the kind with the toucan on it, too...

"Down in the dungeon I'm having a hard time" --Billy Squier

The question du jour: Would you willingly blindfold yourself in a public place and put your welfare in the hands of strangers?*

From the Travel Channel's list of Extreme Restaurants...

Dark Dining San Francisco, California
At the Dark Dining Dinner party, diners will stimulate their senses -- by eliminating one. Don a blindfold and put your trust in the chef at this intimate rotating dinner party that seats 20 bold diners. Andre Crump brought the concept of dark dining to the San Francisco area in 2007, and since then he's been bringing the party to a different restaurant every four months. The party begins with cocktails before guests slip on their blindfolds -- after which only the wait staff, fitted with military-grade night-vision goggles, can see. The experience can be both scary and sensual and gives a whole new meaning to the term blind date.

The visual aspect of the meal--the colors, the arrangement, not to mention the anticipation--is such a big piece of it that I have trouble imagining I'd enjoy this style of dining.

Plus, having dined with a blind man on multiple occasions, I know it is no simple thing to eat a meal without the benefit of sight. Some of the things we take for granted: we don't have to remember that the potatoes are at 4:00, we don't have to wonder if the water glass is filled to the brim, we know when the peas have slipped off our fork, etc.


* And if you would, what are you doing Saturday night?

"There's so much that we need to share..." --Supertramp

One of the nice things about where I work is that they do food collections for the area food bank. What's a food bank? It's a place that gives away food. You're hungry and can't afford food? They feed you. Oh, sure, you may have to fill out a 17 page form, but, still... Cool, right?

I think I've been pretty consistent on my pro-food stance. Check my record. I have never been anti-food. No waffling here! Wait, waffles are good, too. I'm more of a pancake gal, but live and let live.

Here's the collection box for the food bank:



Looks like people have been generous. Let's take a closer look...


Lots of soup in a cup style meals. Well, that's easy, I suppose. Plus, no going stale here.

Hm... is that...?

And that...?
And that...?

Nutrisystem? Somebody ordered Nutrisystem food and is now giving it away to needy people?


Maybe we'll cease to be the only country in the world with overweight poor people.