09 February 2009

"Stepping out with my baby" --Irving Berlin

Saturday night we go to a fusion restaurant in Arlington--Chinese and Peruvian. I am not making that up.

It's sort of like Latvian-Ethiopian.

Okay, it's not. That part I made up. But it could be. Who's to say?

I am the one that has brought us to this Chinese-Peruvian juncture. I am forever in search of something new and different. It creates quite the tension in me (and not in the good way) because there are so many restaurants that we have enjoyed and probably should support, and, yet, there is always something new and wondrous, at least in theory, around the next corner. So, off we troop...

We arrive, via Metro, in what should be plenty of time, but the Interwebilicous directions are off. We follow them only to arrive... not "here." We call the restaurant three times (first time by me, second and third time by Hubby) because we are tragically lost. The second conversation goes a little like this:

Hubby: We are still trying to find you.
Manager: We are at the corner of X and Y.
Hubby: We are on X and we've traveled in both directions from the Courthouse Metro station but don't know where you are.
Manager: We are right at the corner of X and Y.
Hubby: What is the street address?
Manager: The intersection of X and Y.
Hubby: The street address? Is there a number?
Manager: At the corner of X and Y.

We grab strangers on the street: Do you know where X intersects with Y? They are befuddled. They scratch their heads. They point but without conviction. They give vague guesses. We wander some more. We are in Arlington so we pass restaurant after restaurant after restaurant. Each has shiny, happy people inside. Couldn't we just... No. We press on.

We finally get there after the third call when Hubby gets better at playing Marco Polo.

Hubby: It's still us. Listen, are there any landmarks near the restaurant?
Manager: I can see a Wachovia and a Wendy's from here.
Hubby: OKAAAY!! When you look out of the restaurant, where is the Wachovia?

And so on until we find the freakin' restaurant.

The food is... interesting... and some of it is quite good. Some is just eh. They have a dim sum menu with curious juxtapositions.

The place is modern and chic where it appears one must always have a "too cool for school" expression and all the waitstaff and much of the clientele are dressed in black.

The hostess, who is clad in a simple black dress, looks tasteful even as she is showing some cleavage. In contrast, our waitress, in a different black dress, is on the verge of popping out like the winning muffins from a greased pan on America's Test Kitchen. Her breasts overfloweth. A lot. She is clearly Wonderbra-ed but, more than that, her dress is arranged like that J-Lo piece of cloth a while back. We hope for the invisible tape because we, and everyone, see way too much of her flesh. No really. Way too much. Sort of like this but not as tasteful:

Even Hubby, who has never denied his fondness for female anatomy, nearly gets whiplash, trying to avoid looking into the blazing breastitude that is at eye level every time she comes by.

Me: That's a bit much.
Hubby: Um, yeah. I'm not even going to pretend to not notice that.
Me: It's ridiculous.
Hubby: I'll bet she gets a lot of tips that way.

I feel awkward for this waitress and for us.

No one ordered a side of boob?


Yet, here it is. Now, what to do with it?

Ultimately, we do leave her an okay tip because, despite the overmammification, the service is okay and I feel for the busboys who probably get a share of the tip money.

Plus, we joke, maybe now she can afford to buy something decent to wear.


Narm said...

Um...I ordered the side of boob.

Who am I kidding I ordered the whole thing.

Herb said...

"Busboys" or "Bustboys?"


oh never mind. I'm in a really bad mood today.

Anonymous said...

I SO enjoyed the term "overmammification."

Bilbo said...

"...on the verge of popping out like the winning muffins from a greased pan on America's Test Kitchen."

Ah, the imagery. I cannot wait to see the comments you are likely to get from Mike and Rima. And you should know that one of the leading causes of neck injury among men who dance is low-cut dresses on well-endowed short women. Not that I would know, of course.

Janet Kincaid said...

I'm with Kate: overmammification is my new word of the week.

Speaking of which, did you see the story about the 38KKK? True story. Here's the story in the Huffington Post, but if you Google "38KKK", you'll get a bevy of stories featured on Fox News affiliates. And I thought they were the keepers of morality in America! Apparently, the folks at Fox have a boob fetish!

AbbotOfUnreason said...

I think it was very smart of you to give the street names as 'x' and 'y' so that you wouldn't get a lot of comments telling you the easiest way to get there by people who don't live there.

We went to a Scandinavian-Slavic restaurant this weekend, which isn't quite as much of a stretch.

On Wait,Wait Don't Tell me the other day, they mentioned that a lot of restaurants are making little changes because apparently Hooters has had an increase in business since the economy went south. My favorite suggestion was changing the restaurant name to "Appleboobs." And that was on NPR, so it's ok to talk about.

You know, it's very hard to talk about Hooters and the economy without sounding dirty.

LBluca77 said...

A girls gotta eat. Those things are her bread and butter.

rachaelgking said...

I feel for the busboys who probably get a share of the tip money.

People like you are the reason I was able to stick it out for a decade.

Waiter! There's an areola in my soup!

Rahul said...

I'm building my next restaurant by a Wendy's.

Its just easier.

Anonymous said...

I am appalled that they were not more helpful on the phone. Glad the service was pretty good nonetheless.

Oh, and DC Confidential, I am a boob man and even I found those pictures grotesque.

Lemmonex said...

I had a roomie in college who was half Peruvian, half Latvian. She was fluent in Spanish and Latvian and WAY in to both cultures. She is why America is kinda perfect sometimes.

Anonymous said...

"Um, yeah. I'm not even going to pretend to not notice that."

because, sometimes, the truth does set you free.

Mike said...

overmammification - I know the word has been mentioned once but I feel it needs rementioning because it just jumped out at me. Sort of like .... you know.

Barbara said...

This is so typical of Northern Virginia, where 85 different countries are represented at our local elementary school. But in the restaurant world, the cross is usually more like Mexican-El Salvadoran. I hope they did a good job with at least one of those cuisines...

lacochran said...

Narm: Who are you kidding, you placed multiple orders.

Herb of DC: I get it. Hahaha.

Kate: I'm pleased you're pleased.

Bilbo: Right. You're just well-informed.

D. C. Confidential: Fox News? The keepers of morality? *snort!*

And, yeah, that's freak quality, there.

AbbotofUnreason: "You know, it's very hard to talk about Hooters and the economy without sounding dirty." May be the wisest thing you've ever said.

LBluca77: Doesn't mean I want them in my bread and butter.

LiLu: Owee! Or is that cold soup?

Rs27: Is that anywhere near the intersection of X and Y?

RestaurantRefugee.com: (With a Chandler Bing inflection) Could they BE less helpful?

Lemmonex: Huh!

f.B: It's true!

Mike: Glad you liked it.

Barbara: Some of it yes, some of it no.

Matt said...

I ordered extra boob.

lacochran said...

Matt: It must have been your table she was looking for.

Brian said...

This is great!! And I'm adding a new word to my dictionary. This is my first time stoppng by... great blog!

lacochran said...

Brian: Thanks! Welcome!

Anonymous said...

Please, please, please continue to get lost on your way to new restaurants. The resulting retelling is just too damn funny to miss.

And yes, I too must add overmammification to my lexicon. Thank you for expanding my vocabulary.

lacochran said...

Emma: Glad you're amused. :)