05 November 2008

Playing Sexy Librarian/"I Can See Clearly Now"--Johnny Nash


First, let me say that I have never been more proud to be an American. God Bless America and Barack Obama!



Now, on with today's post...

When I was six of seven, the family optometrist diagnosed me as needing glasses. I got them. If memory serves, they looked something like this:


I know. You can imagine how my milkshake brought all the boys to the yard.

I didn't wear them. At all.

One year later, the optometrist examined my eyes and announced that the glasses were helping and that my vision was improving. I announced that I hadn't worn the glasses. He paused and said that he guessed I didn't need them after all.

My parents, embarrassed, hauled my butt out of there, not sure what to do with me or the optometrist.

I went blithely on with my life for the next 30-some years (sleeping, eating, pooping like a pigeon, the usual stuff.) Then, and I remember it was around this time of year, too, I noticed that my eyes were getting dry and I was getting headachey. I went to an optometrist, who said, technically, I was better than 20/20 but that glasses might help me just a bit. So I got something along these lines:

Except they weren't tinted and, unlike this character and most of you, I wasn't all that inclined to lick myself.

I tried them for a couple weeks, but my eyes were still dry and I was still headachey, so what was the point? I bought a humidifier and stopped wearing the glasses. The symptoms went away but the wallpaper peeled. Hey, you win some, you lose some. I eventually donated the specs to a charity that made use of old glasses.

Earlier this year, feeling like my vision wasn't as crisp as it used to be, I got my eyes tested and the optometrist said, begrudgingly, yes, technically, I was still 20/20 but I was right on the cusp of inevitable, unstoppable deterioration (or some equally horrible term) and, given my age, I shouldn't be surprised.

Swell.

But I clutched that 20/20 diagnosis to my heart and carried on until about a month ago when I decided I was tired of fuzzy text in my books. I wanted crisp again. Really crisp. I wanted Pringles potato chips to be mushy compared to my eyesight.

So, I just picked up my new specs. They look sorta like this:I've had them about an hour and I'm irritated with them already. Hm, wonder if Target has humidifiers?

Anyway, I had this depressing conversation with the very young woman who helped me select the latest glasses:

Me: I'm finally ready to deal with reality. I need glasses.

Her, sans glasses: Oh, glasses are fun.

Me, do they pay you to say that?: Yeah, okay.

Her: Honest! I don't need them but I have a pair just for fashion!

Me: *blink*

Her: And to look smarter.

Me: *blink* *blink*

Which leads me to the question of the day: Does anyone think glasses make women look fashionable, smarter, or sexier?*



* Feel free to lie to me. Especially on that last one.

26 comments:

Bilbo said...

The old joke says that "men never make passes at girls who wear glasses." But it's not true. I do. Of course, you're safe...all my passes are at Agnes, who loves me in spite of my trifocals. Are men with glasses sexy?

Reya Mellicker said...

Glasses are cool. I've been wearing them since second grade, so I kind of have to feel that way.

I had a boyfriend who loved girls who wore glasses because he loved undressing his lovers. To him, specs were one more item that could be taken off during the process of seduction.

Meoww!

Can't wait to see you in your new specs.

Kristin said...

Last night a guy asked if I'd gone to Smith or Brown. I think it's 'cause I was wearing glasses. State school, baby. Woo hoo!

I love my glasses. I have two pairs. I've been wearing corrective eyewear for 20 years - mostly contacts but I've learned to love the specs. I do feel sexy in them.

Kristen said...

"You can imagine how my milkshake brought all the boys to the yard."

Still...Laughing...

I love your new glasses!

bethany said...

I've actually considered getting fake glasses because people at work think I'm younger and ditzier than I am. (it might be the blonde hair...) however my husband told me that glasses don't make people look smarter, and if someone found out I was wearing fake glasses I would just look like a weirdo.

Kind of like when my friend wore a fake mole.

fiona said...

I have two pairs. The Optician did suggest bi-focals but then explained that I might be dizzy for a while until I got used to them.
Feeling dizzy atop a 1200lb rank horse did NOT seem like the way to go! As for sexy, never thought about it.I must refer that one to SB :-)

Mike said...

"fashionable, smarter, or sexier"

I wear glasses to see.

I obviously look smarter since I'm not falling over things.

In the movies if a gal wears glasses the sex scenes always start with her taking her glasses off and giving the guy the 'look'. So they are a good sex prop.

BTW you only need 20/40 in one eye to be able to drive. So your good for awhile on that front.

Narm said...

Yes - I had a girlfriend that wouldn't wear her glasses around me because I turned into a 14yr old boy drooling over her every time. I mean normally I am at LEAST as mature as a 16 yr old.

Doug said...

as a glasses wearer for the last 31 years or so... I might be biased. I like women without glasses on social events, but depending on the woman and the glasses... they can make you look smarter or more mature. The eyes are an important part of the body, and as with any sort of clothing, it can effect your look. If you wear crappy glasses, you'll look crappy.

Dingo said...

I think glasses can be very sexy on women. BUT, if you have 20/20, I'm not sure why you need glasses, your eyes may just not be well lubricated.

I has Lasik surgery -- because while I think women are sexy with glasses, unfortunately, I was not one of those women -- and even with Lasik, my vision was a little blurry.

I ended up going to an eye doctor who said when I blinked, my tears dissipated too quickly. He put plugs in my tear ducts to slow it down and voila! Perfect 20/15 vision!

You might want to ask your eye doctor to give you the test to see if you are producing enough moisture for your eyes. Just a thought.

GreenCanary said...

I am in the same situation with the 20/20 Cusp of Deterioration. My eyes are strained and tired from chronic computer use, which causes problems when I'm looking into the distance. Halos around lights, blah blah blah. It's eye strain. So I wear glasses for computer use and reading so that they aren't working as hard and thus not going all wonky when I'm NOT on the computer or reading. And also? HELL YEAH they make me sexier, smarter, fashionable, sexier, and sexier some more.

Bilbo? I happen to love a man who wears glasses, so yes, men with glasses are sexy, too. This woman makes passes at a man who wears glasses.

rs27 said...

Glasses make a woman sexier if she's naked.

Just pointing out the facts.

LiLu said...

Definitely. I played a lawyer in my high school play and my boyfriend was all about the "sexy librarian" look.

Hmmm... maybe I should bring that back...

wc#3 said...

It depends on the woman. Glasses on Sara Palin make her look like the LILF. (L = Librarian, in place of M for Mother)

Bilbo said...

Canary - :-) !!

LBluca77 said...

I have a pair of glasses that I wear for fun.

There is a pic of me wearing them in this post.

http://lbluca77.blogspot.com/2008/08/guess-whos-famous.html

Tell me I am not a vision of beauty!?!?

Kate said...

I personally think my glasses make me and mark my style. Plus, I'm wicked smart, so maybe the glasses thing did it since I've been wearing them since 6th grade.

But for the record? I think it sounds like you have seasonal allergies and would get just a crisp vision with some moistening eyedrops.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Fashionable: Yes

Smarter: No (unless your inability to read clearly has affected your smarts. Then maybe. Otherwise, no.)

Sexier: Oh yeah! (Although I've never met you. Perhaps you're already quite sexy in your own right and don't need cosmetic help, surgical or otherwise.)

f.B said...

In a rare fit of unequivocal clarity: yes, very. Unless they are those new HD Vision WrapArounds. Then it depends on the lady.

Scotus said...

Fashionable: Not really. Especially not when the person wearing them is obviously trying too hard to be fashionable.

Smarter: I've never really thought about it before, but yeah, I guess. Smarter or geeky. Either one is hot.

Sexier: YES. Every time a woman gets Lasik, a puppy dies.

Judith HeartSong said...

I would love to not wear glasses, but as an artist and a human who needs to drive (and see pedestrians... and curbs... and stop signs)I have to wear them. Contacts are out as my mother stabbed me in the eye with a darning needle when I was a teen... thanks mom.

Masks are out for Halloween, and watching tv in bed requires adjusting the multifocals just right so that I don't get seasick.

Glasses suck.... seeing is cool.

lacochran said...

Bilbo: Well, sure! They get to play Clark Kent/Superman!

Reya Mellicker: Did you pile on layers of clothes so he could peel you like an onion?

Kristin: Maybe it's all in the attitude?

Kristin: Happy to amuse. :) Thanks!

Bethany: How would they find out?

Fiona: Let us know what your research suggests.

Mike: *scribbles "Use as prop. Practice 'look'"*

Narm: Drool can get messy.

Doug: *scribbles "Don't wear crappy glasses"*

Dingo: To hear that I need eye surgery? Um, no. Just, no.

GreenCanary: Glad you know how to work 'em for max sexiocity.

Rs27: *scribbles "Get naked except for glasses"*

Lilu: Maybe!

Wc#3: *scribbles "Consider being a different woman"*

Lbluca77: You, and the cat, are fabulousness incarnate!

Kate: Except this year it's been going on through multiple seasons. Eep!

J.M. Tewkesbury: Aren't we all sex gods and goddesses in our own minds?

F.B: Are those anything like those Bono bug-eye glasses?

Scotus: Save the puppies!

Judith Heartsong: Yow! on the mom thing. Seeing *is* cool.

lacochran said...

Oh, and if you can't figure out what happened to your comment, it's because it's in the previous post's comment block. :)

f.B said...

LA: they're more like tinted windows big enough to wear over any other pair of glasses. And the made-for-TV-fauxmercial suggests wearing them lets you see in HD.

lacochran said...

f.B: Kinda like old-people-wear-over sunglasses but for HD? I wonder if they work as well as those x-ray vision glasses I ordered...

Ibid said...

I think glasses are attractive. Keep in mind, however, that I'm a nerd and that I got glasses when I was 5 and bifocals when I was 8.

It depends on what kind of guy you're trying to attract. Shy guys are more likely to go for the glasses.