19 November 2008

"If we could talk to the animals, learn their languages" --Dr. Doolittle*

[She's got Bette Davis eyes.]


We need a baby gift and we wind up buying a stuffed animal. A giraffe. It's very cute. Plus, not scary at all. You never see an Animal Planet special entitled "When Giraffes Attack!", "Killer Giraffe!" or "When Good Giraffes Go Bad". There's never a "Giraffe Week" on Discovery Channel.

Well, I've never seen it. But I don't watch a lot of nature shows.

Plus, I've never had a giraffe hit me up for money, eat the last piece of the cheesecake, or call me "Doodoohead".** I'm sure I've never seen a giraffe in a wife-beater getting kneed in the back on Cops.


* There are no giraffe songs. Not one. Well, none that I could think of in the 10 seconds I thought about it. So, yeah. None. I guess 'cause nothing rhymes with giraffe. There's shark songs ("Oh, the shark bites, with its teeth, dear..."). That seems unfair. Can we get a government grant to study this, stat?

** They might have been thinking it but they didn't say it.

20 comments:

f.B said...

i had a friend buy a kid a stuffed giraffe. she paired it with a book called "Giraffes Can't Dance" by Giles Andrea.

it all fell apart though. the kid was just old enough to use the internet and when trying to learn about the giraffe, his new favorite animal, discovered a warning-lacking youtube video of giraffes enjoying each other a little too much for his parents' liking

Herb of DC said...

Don't let the cuteness fool you. I googled "killer giraffe" and found this alarming website.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/African_giraffe

"Attacks by killer giraffes are fatal in all but the rarest of cases. If attacked, roll into the fetal position and lose control of your bowels, as this can cause confusion in your attacker. Giraffes are still likely to run you the f**k down though."

Kate said...

I'm always afraid they're going to swing their head down and knock me over.

Gilahi said...

Just for future reference, there's The Flaming Lips' This Here Giraffe. Knew you'd want to know.

restaurantrefugee said...

I say this only because Mack the Knife is one of my "break glass in case of emergency or very bad mood songs - the song really isn't about a literal shark.

Narm said...

Obviously you haven't seen Girrafic Park

rs27 said...

What about that Toys R Us stupid giraffe? Didn't he sing about not growing up and such?

I may have been high.

Katherine said...

Is it strange that giraffes have always featured prominently in my nightmares?

Kristen said...

I don't even know what kind of a sound they make.

I imagine they sound like kittens.

Really, really tall kittens.

LiLu said...

I will never, ever forget that giraffe's have black tongues, courtesy of a very lame episode of Hey Dude on Nickelodeon.

Mike said...

Request took too long.

That's what I got trying to comment here. And then everything I typed was gone. .... phtttt .... Well, this rant was better than my giraffe comment anyway. I'm copying this to the clip board before I hit the publish button this time.

fiona said...

Giraffes are adorable...from a distance

D.C. Confidential said...

There's always Gentle Giraffe.

I once had a giraffe lick my head. (Hm. I wonder if that's something I should be confessing. I have a feeling it will be held against me at some point...)

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Whoops. Sorry. Tewkesbury there in that thar last comment... I forgot I was wearing my alter ego when I commented. I think I was distracted by the memory of being licked by a giraffe...

lacochran said...

f.B: That's nature at its finest!

Herb of DC: You do find the strangest things.

Kate: Is your head food like? Maybe just a nibble at your hair. Could be tickly.

Gilahi: Couldn't stop yourself, could you.

RestaurantRefugee: No, it isn't. But it does have the word shark in it.

Narm: Good one!

Rs27: I'm pretty sure he just hung out with the singing people.

Katherine: A little?

Kristin: :)

Lilu: Into the educational programming, eh?

Mike: Sounds like a personal problem to me but thanks for sorta kinda almost commenting anyway.

Fiona: Agreed.

D.C./J.M.: Stop by under any personality you like. It is (TMI) Thursday so be sure and tell us what the lick felt like! :)

Dingo said...

Don't giraffe's get a shout out in Simon and Garfunkle's At the Zoo? It's not a whole song dedicated to them, I know, but an honorable mention isn't bad, right?

Gilahi said...

No, I really couldn't. Fun facts to know and tell: A hummingbird has more vertebrae in its neck than a giraffe does.

Now you won't have to worry about what to talk about at the next party.

lacochran said...

Dingo: You may be right. As you can tell, my search was exhaustive.

Gilahi: What, me, worry?

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Well, it messed up my hair, I can tell you that much about the memory. Other than that, it was kind of wet and viscous and long. It was very, very long...

lacochran said...

J.M.: Ha! Thanks for sharing.