Playing Sexy Librarian/"I Can See Clearly Now"--Johnny Nash

First, let me say that I have never been more proud to be an American. God Bless America and Barack Obama!


Now, on with today's post...

When I was six of seven, the family optometrist diagnosed me as needing glasses. I got them. If memory serves, they looked something like this:


I know. You can imagine how my milkshake brought all the boys to the yard.

I didn't wear them. At all.

One year later, the optometrist examined my eyes and announced that the glasses were helping and that my vision was improving. I announced that I hadn't worn the glasses. He paused and said that he guessed I didn't need them after all.

My parents, embarrassed, hauled my butt out of there, not sure what to do with me or the optometrist.

I went blithely on with my life for the next 30-some years (sleeping, eating, pooping like a pigeon, the usual stuff.) Then, and I remember it was around this time of year, too, I noticed that my eyes were getting dry and I was getting headachey. I went to an optometrist, who said, technically, I was better than 20/20 but that glasses might help me just a bit. So I got something along these lines:

Except they weren't tinted and, unlike this character and most of you, I wasn't all that inclined to lick myself.

I tried them for a couple weeks, but my eyes were still dry and I was still headachey, so what was the point? I bought a humidifier and stopped wearing the glasses. The symptoms went away but the wallpaper peeled. Hey, you win some, you lose some. I eventually donated the specs to a charity that made use of old glasses.

Earlier this year, feeling like my vision wasn't as crisp as it used to be, I got my eyes tested and the optometrist said, begrudgingly, yes, technically, I was still 20/20 but I was right on the cusp of inevitable, unstoppable deterioration (or some equally horrible term) and, given my age, I shouldn't be surprised.

Swell.

But I clutched that 20/20 diagnosis to my heart and carried on until about a month ago when I decided I was tired of fuzzy text in my books. I wanted crisp again. Really crisp. I wanted Pringles potato chips to be mushy compared to my eyesight.

So, I just picked up my new specs. They look sorta like this:I've had them about an hour and I'm irritated with them already. Hm, wonder if Target has humidifiers?

Anyway, I had this depressing conversation with the very young woman who helped me select the latest glasses:

Me: I'm finally ready to deal with reality. I need glasses.

Her, sans glasses: Oh, glasses are fun.

Me, do they pay you to say that?: Yeah, okay.

Her: Honest! I don't need them but I have a pair just for fashion!

Me: *blink*

Her: And to look smarter.

Me: *blink* *blink*

Which leads me to the question of the day: Does anyone think glasses make women look fashionable, smarter, or sexier?*



* Feel free to lie to me. Especially on that last one.