09 September 2009

"So I might steal your diamonds, I'll bring you back some gold" --Gregg Allman

First, I've been taking a lot lately. I've been greedily grabbing up the goods. I've practically shouted like Daffy Duck "Mine! Mine! Mine!"

In the last few months, I've gotten a Nintendo DSi (which I play with every day!) thanks to LiLu, a pair of fabulous Gap jeans thanks to PQ, a yummy Hershey's with Almonds thanks to Spleeness, and a $20 Amazon gift card (which I've already spent with abandon) thanks to Just A Girl. Thank you all!! You rock!

Bloggers? They are in large part givers! And when I say they, I mean you! But, even better than the great swag, you give of yourselves. You share what's in your heart. You offer kindness and wit and insights daily. And for that, I heart you all!

Okay, enough with the shmoopyness.

While we're talking about taking and giving...

I was once in a relationship with a guy who told me a number of times that he thought I gave to him more than he gave to me. Yeah, I'm not in that relationship any more. Because it's all about me, right? Me, me, me.*

People say in an ideal relationship that both parties give and give and give. Or they say that both parties give but give in different ways. Mmmmmaybe. I look around and in most of the relationships I see, there is give and take but there's also often a clear giver and a clear taker. You know? 60/40 or 70/30 even. Now before you get your back up, let me say that I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If it works for the people involved, great.

Which leads me to the question of the day: Are you the giver or the taker most of the time in your relationship(s)?** And whichever role you're in, are you cool with that?

(Come on, you know you want to give me your answer.)



* Or you. Either way. You know. Doesn't matter. *rolls eyes*

** And if you still insist your dead even, then you are probably the giver.

23 comments:

Little Ms Blogger said...

I'm a giver.

In my first marriage, I married a taker and the split was 90%/10% (give vs take)...I was being generous with that split.

Now, I married a giver and it's weird. My gf said, thank god you finally married a giver. However weird it is to get used to, it's very nice.

Lora said...

I'm a taker. I try not to be, I really do.

In friendships I'm a giver. In motherhood I'm a giver. In love, I take.

I hate that about myself.

Liebchen said...

I feel like I'm a giver. But I definitely have my taking moments - mostly when I'm fed up with giving.

The Bug said...

Totally a taker - but it's because I'm married to a giver. He makes it so easy! And when I start feeling guilty & try to do something out of the ordinary he can't stand it (although to be fair, most of the time I try to give back it involves me cooking, so he might be looking out for himself there). It's kind of funny - but I say, go me!

LiLu said...

Interesting. I think B and I are both takers... except with each other. With each other, whoever needs it more at the moment gets to take and be taken care of. And then the next day, it switches. Bottom line, we're both big babies... but it's working out pretty well, actually.

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

With my friends I'm a giver, but with my husband I feel like I'm a taker. But I'm hyper-aware of it, and I'm always trying to think of ways to give more.

Lemmonex said...

I am a giver...I totally thrive taking care of people.

My hippy father would be so proud to see me tell you this...Gregg has two gs.

Shannon said...

I'm a giver to a point that it's completely ridiculous. I don't mind that role in a relationship, so long as it's appreciated.

I tend to turn into a taker when I'm stressed, overwhelmed or sick.

Alice said...

hmm. i think i'm MOSTLY a giver, except if we're talking about physical gifts. in that sense, i'm TERRIBLE and i can never think of nice things to get my bfs for xmas/bdays/whatever, and i keep dating guys who are AMAZING at that sort of thing (weekends away! a full drum kit! an ipod classic!). but i think emotionally, i'm a giver. i hope!

Kate said...

Huh. Good question. I guess I would say I'm a giver, but it's really like a 55/45 split. Brian's schedule makes it impossible to plan everything and it infiltrates every part of our life. Also, every once in a while he does something dumb, but it's usually on a monumental level (like, hi, I got a ticket for doing 101 in a 55 and could get my license suspended and now have to pay an attorney $500 so I don't go to jail kind of dumb). But he deals with my meltdowns, my refusal to do yard work, my family issues and my love for bad TV.

Mike said...

I was here earlier. No one had commented yet. You used the dreaded word 'relationship'. I thought, I'm not going first on this one. And if you haven't noticed yet, I haven't gone on this one either.

Jason said...

I'm a giver. Ideally, I like relationships that are close to 50/50 because I feel guilty when I receive "too much" and I get resentful when I give a lot more than I receive (and don't feel appreciated for it). I wish I didn't get resentful--it feels petty--but it's who I am at the moment.

You post lots of interesting questions. It's fun to read the comments and see how other people think.

mylittlebecky said...

completely a giver. across the board: girlfriends, boyfriend, to some extent family. BUT with the bf we have a pretty good balance for sure.

if i'm taken advantage of? i just don't talk to that person anymore. i've learned my boundaries.

Cyndy said...

He's definitely a giver. But I give back. It works out.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i think i'm a combo, depends on the situation i guess. i've been known to do both.

which is probs why im still single today...

damnit.

J said...

For the longest time in our relationship I was the giver but now I guess I'm more of the taker but that's because he's turned into a crazy giver. He loves doing things that he knows make me happy and while I do love doing the same for him, he just seems to want to do it more.

I need to work on that!

lacochran said...

Little Ms Blogger: Giver who has switched to Taker status?

Lora: Taker. Sounds like a little taking is in order. You know, balance.

Liebchen: Giver. I hear ya.

The Bug: Taker. Go Bug!

LiLu: Big Baby Takers--got it.

The Maiden Metallurgist: A hyper-aware Taker who's trying to give more. Okay.

Lemmonex: Giver. Noted and noted. Thanks, I fixed it for your hippy father.

Shannon: Giver with Taker episodes. That makes sense.

Alice: A giver with a bad gift track record. Okeydoke.

Kate: A marginally more Giver. Love for bad TV trumps all.

Mike: I frightened you so much you haven't even finished your thought...

Jason: Giver. Thanks and thanks for representing the males who seem to be scarce on this question. Hmm.

mylittlebecky: Giver of the silent treatment variety.

Cyndy: Taker with give-back.

alexa: You do seem to have trouble committing...

J: Taker with a need to change. Interesting.

J said...

By default, a giver. But I've been in a funk for awhile, and it's made me a taker. And it messed with my head a little.

Example: I dated one girl briefly last year, and she was going way out of her way to accommodate me. Which would be fine every once in awhile, but it really bothered me that I could easily take so much, and not give enough. I put a stop to it before it became an issue, but I don't *want* to take and take...

P.S - I am the Male J.

restaurant refugee said...

I think I am a giver, but I imagine the line of people willing to testify to the contrary is longer than I hope or think.

Tina said...

I used to be the UBER giver - but as mentioned by others when it gets too out of balance I get resentful. I don't like being resentful (myrterdom is SO unattractive) so I have learned to moderate. I try to give only if I can do so with no expectatiosn and a good attitude. Ifnot - then I know its time for some ME time.

J... said...

I almost didn't comment because I am new around here and it seems you have a lot of commenters who have stolen my name already but then I decided that I would just take this chance to comment despite the above mentioned facts.

As witnessed by that, I am a taker. And I am pretty okay with it. I give well, too, but deep down I tend to be a bit on the selfish side of things. My husband is great with the giving, so it all works out well for us.

Dmbosstone said...

I haven't found the relationship yet where I received as much as I gave and it really bothers me.

Ed Adams said...

I'm a giver. I'm constantly giving her shit, but she won't take it from me.

So, basically, I'm a taker by default. I take all her hopes and dreams and wipe my ass with them.