18 September 2009

"Here's the story of a lovely lady" --Brady Bunch (DeVol & Schwartz)

*links arms*

Walk with me. Talk with me. Let's visit the land of hypothetical, hmm?

Let's say you're you. Okay? So far so good?

And let's say you have a friend, who we'll call Friend. And let's say Friend has a significant other, who we'll call SO. Got it?

Now Friend is actually a pretty decent friend. Friend seeks you out, supports you, connects with you as you'd expect a friend would and Friend can be fun. So, you enjoy hanging out with Friend.

Over time, you see that whither Friend goest, goes SO. You make several attempts to get to know SO but SO isn't warming to you. At first, you write it off to poor social skills on SO's part. But, after a while you begin to think maybe SO just doesn't like you. SO isn't rude, per se, but makes no effort to talk with you. None. When you talk to SO, you get the bare minimum back. And, you're not sure, but maybe SO is giving off a vibe. A not so nice vibe.

So, hypothetically, of course... what do you do?

19 comments:

justjp said...

I'd write SO off and not worry about it for another minute.

Bowie Mike said...

Depends. Are you content with your current relationship with Friend, and how significant is other? Boyfriend? Spouse? If not content with relationship with Friend, you can have a "hey, what's happened to us" convo that doesn't suggest your suspicion that SO is to blame. If SO is only a boyfriend, it's fair game to bring it up, but gently, because that's what friends are supposed to do, right. But if SO is significant with a capital "S", then there is no use bringing it up - it is what it is, and only harm can come.

I'm sorry, but your hour is up. That will be $100 please.

The Bug said...

I would say, "So, Friend, why does SO hate me?" Because it's all about me.

Angela said...

I would just try to be myself, as usual, around the both of them. I'd like to come off as making the effort, and let SO come of as the jackass who isn't being so nice. Some people need warming up. Maybe SO is like that. But I'd just keep being myself.

liferehab said...

I'm kidn of in that situation.Except I'm SO and SO is me. My bf's bff obviously doesn't like me, so I asked the bf to talk to him. It's gotten a little better. So maybe ask Friend to talk to SO and find out why he's so rude?

Little Ms Blogger said...

If it really ruins your friendship, liferehab has a good suggestion - just put it out there you're getting a vibe from SO that you may rub him the wrong way and hoped it didn't interfere with the friendship. Friend will probably end up talking to SO and things may improve.

Liebchen said...

I'd ask Friend about it first, like LMB said.

But at the end of the day, if you can still hang out with Friend and SO isn't hurting that friendship, it might not be worth worrying about.

Narm said...

Kill them.

Kate said...

I'd talk to your friend about it. Try to work something out. If it turns out you and SO weren't meant to be cool, talk to your friend about that too ... see if you can find a way to still hang out with him/her minus SO.

Titania said...

Probably this is not it, but, is it possible that SO is shy, and has a problem being the one doing the initial effort? How does SO behave towards other people? maybe he/she is just socially retarded... In case, I think I would just ignore SO, it's his/her loss, not yours...

J said...

Hmm not exactly sure. Probably just ask SO what is up and find out what the deal is.

Mike said...

What Narm said.

Herb of DC said...

Maybe Sam the Butcher, I mean the SO is just the strong silent type. Or he could just be a dick. Go ask Alice.

Reya Mellicker said...

I would ask SO. Why get Friend involved? Will be curious to hear what you decide to do.

Reya Mellicker said...

Guess I should have said I would say something like, "SO, have I done something to offend you?" Right to his face.

Barbara said...

You feel very sorry for Friend, who can't fail to notice but is probably powerless to do anything about it. Unfortunately she has to choose between the two of you and my guess is she will pick SO. You can feel sorry for yourself as well, as you will likely lose Friend in the long run.

I can't actually imagine what SO would find objectionable about you, but it could just boil down to jealousy. Yeah, that must be it.

restaurant refugee said...

I say you cut a fool, but that's just me.

lacochran said...

justjp: I'd like to.

Bowie Mike: SO is significant with a capital S. I think you're right.

The Bug: It certainly should be.

Angela: Sounds wise.

liferehab: If it becomes important enough, I might. At this point, mmm, no.

Little Ms Blogger, Liebchen: It doesn't ruin our friendship. Happily.

Narm: You always make me smile. Thanks.

Kate: We'll see if it comes to that. So far, not yet.

Titania: It's possible.

J: Yeah, usually I'm in people's faces but not this time. I'm not sure I want to give SO that much power.

Mike: He is wise.

Herb of DC: I will. When she's 10 feet tall.

Reya Mellicker: It's to the point where I'm beginning to wonder if I really want to solve the problem. If I do, then I'm "stuck" with SO and I'm not sure I want to be, after all this.

Barbara: My ego thanks you.

restaurant refugee: :) You make a lot of sense.

spleeness said...

I'd want to hang out withOUT SO since they didn't seem to be "into" it anyway.

Otherwise, I'd stop trying to include them and be so nice to them, just let them participate on whatever level they choose and not keep trying to get to know them. Try not to take it personally. Some people have zero social skills! They could be trying harder and they're not so whatever problem they have is inside them.