16 June 2009

"I don't know, I don't know...." --Jimmy Buffett

[You think your job is bad.]


Recently, I am in the bathroom at work, though not in the building my office is in. For those keeping track, there is no candy in this particular bathroom.

I am in a stall and someone enters the stall next to mine. Here's what I hear:

(30 seconds)
*flush!*
(20 seconds)
*flush!*
(20 seconds)
*flush!*
(20 seconds)
*flush!*
(35 seconds)
*flush!*
(20 seconds)
*flush!*

I've heard no other noise prior to, or in between, all this flushing. I can't help but wonder: what is this? Is this someone having a very bad, extended, but silent, bathroom experience? Is this Fawn Hall trying to flush evidence, bit by bit?* Is this a three-year-old who enjoys watching the toilet flush? Is this more experimental music from Laurie Anderson?***

I don't know what it is but I don't wait for the encore. I get the heck out of there.




* Okay, my pop references are a little old. And your point would be??**

** And my poop references, too.

*** Where I could tolerate Laurie Anderson, I once tagged along with friends to see a documentary at the Hirshorn on Philip Glass and his music. A sample of Philip Glass:



I'm clearly not high-brow enough to get the, um, genius of Philip Glass.

18 comments:

Lora said...

if I have to poop at work, I flush while pushing. It carries everything away and masks any embarrassing noises.

But I do this ONCE!

If it has to be done more than that, it's time to hightail it home and take care of business there!

Fearless in Toronto said...

Now I'm not so sure if I should be proud of getting the Fawn Hall reference.

Liebchen said...

That's a whole lot of flushes for no in between noise. Smart decision getting out of there.

f.B said...

I've heard of the courtesy flush, but that's way too generous.

Maybe she was a dealer, thought the cops were on her and she was flushing her coke. Coke is a noiseless drug, after all.

Deutlich said...

It totally wigs me out when people at work do that.. aside from that? WHO WANTS TOILET WATER SPLASHING ON THEIR ASS?!

Malnurtured Snay said...

Actually, I kind of like it when the toilet water splashes on my ass -- it's like a poor man's whatchamacallit. (Although I try to make sure everything deposited into the bowl has been flushed way, first).

Kate said...

Our toilet has been dubbed, "The forever flushing toilet." AND at the same time, "How many times do I have to flush to get the toilet paper down?" It's got serious issues.

AbbotOfUnreason said...

oddly enough, just saw this related graph.

AbbotOfUnreason said...

Ok, this is weird. My RSS reader is full toilets. What have you done to the internets?

Matt said...

Someone probably had to flush their stash...

happens all the time.

Bilbo said...

I'd rather have the repeated flushes than the cell phone conversations I usually hear. Some people seem to think that a Cone of Silence descends upon any stall they occupy, and they can have intimate arguments with their significant others without fear of being overheard.

kate.d. said...

one sunday morning awhile ago, my husband put on a philip glass cd he had borrowed while i was reading the paper. i wasn't really paying much attention to it, but after about 20 minutes, i suddenly looked up from the paper and said, "if you don't turn this off right now, i am going to murder someone."

it's that kind of music :)

Barbara said...

Philip Glass can be a little hard to take. Maybe the toilet was stuck and just kept flushing. Is the flushing perhaps sensor-activated? I would probably have assumed that and gotten the hell out of there too.

Mike said...

I would rather have to many courtesy flushes than not enough.

repliderium.com said...

Why is there no misc random candy in that bathroom?
Lame!

Dmbosstone said...

I agree with Liebchen, lots of flushing but no noise means somebody's got a rising water problem...

Reya Mellicker said...

Philip Glass's music is highly overrated in my opinion. Do you know that Phillip Glass music joke?

Knock knock
Who's there?

Knock knock
Who's there?

Knock knock
Who's there?

Knock knock
Who's there?

Knock knock
Who's there?

Knock knock
Who's there?

Knock knock
Who's there?

Phillip Glass.

lacochran said...

Lora: So you prefer wet butt to sharing sounds?

Fearless in Toronto: We'll call you "well read" instead of "really old".

Liebchen: Seemed prudent.

f.B: :) I've heard that. No, wait, I guess I didn't hear that.

Deutlich: Several of my readers, apparently.

Malnurtured Snay: "Bidet"? My, but your continental. Or maybe that should read "your butt's continental."

Kate: Bummer.

AbbotofUnreason: I have powers beyond the bowl.

Matt: If you say so.

Bilbo: Agreed.

kate.d: It is, indeed.

Barbara: It wasn't a sensor-controlled one.

Mike: Point taken.

repliderium.com: Doesn't seem right, does it?

Dmbosstone: And we're not talking about the creek rising.

Reya Mellicker: Ha! I love it!