17 February 2009

"End this day, show me the ocean... When shall I see the sea?" --James Taylor

[They'd sit but they wouldn't fetch.]


I like the Hudson Trail Outfitters. Much like the kids like the MTV.

But I am looking at a bag from HTO that says "8 Convenient Locations" and this is just not so. You see, they list Gaithersburg as one of the eight. Gaithersburg?! Convenient? That's a lie! You know it and I know it. They should have researched more before putting that on their bags. Gaithersburg may be where some people are, you know, maybe, but it's not convenient to anyone.

But this is the problem with advertising. It is vague. It is specious. We see falsities so often that they don't register. And they chipchipchip away at our souls. And not in the good way, like a Chips Ahoy cookie. 'Cause Chips Ahoy? They're not what I'd call a great cookie but if they're in front of me, I'll certainly eat them. Lots of them. Without even realizing it. So, maybe it is in the same way.

I had a friend who went to a Beaches property in Jamaica. Imagine her surprise when she got to the property and it wasn't on a beach. The beach wasn't far away and apparently they had shuttles running to it. Still a Beaches that isn't on a beach? It's in the freaking name, people!

A number of years back, we went to a resort and paid extra to have an ocean facing room. And we got an ocean facing room. Disappointingly, it wasn't an ocean view room. We couldn't see the ocean. But, management explained, we were facing it. What we came to realize was that, technically, every room in the world is ocean facing. If you face out of a room and go far enough, you find ocean.

So, next time someone asks you about your cubicle, tell them it's ocean facing.

And conveniently located.

Wait, it's not in Gaithersburg, is it?

17 comments:

PQ said...

As someone who lived in Gaithersburg for 8 years, I could be slightly offended to this.

Gaithersburg is a perfectly convenient place...once you get there...LOL

Matt said...

My cubicle is facing the Rocky Mountains.

repliderium.com said...

Somehow my office seems much more pleasant this morning now that I know it's "ocean facing" My travel mug also allows me to say "convenient coffee bar included"
I am in the big leagues now baby!

f.B said...

this is exactly why i mute almost all commercials.

Liebchen said...

Advertising lies. Especially the fast food commercials. NOTHING is 99 cents.

Bilbo said...

If you want to know how advertising got to be this way, check out the best historical study on the topic: Charles Darwin's "On the Origin of Specious." No need to thank me.

fiona said...

I try so hard to believe, your not making it easy you know! lol

Kate said...

Ocean facing my ass.

urban bohemian said...

That reminds me of the many apartment rental ads I would read that said they were metro-accessible... yeah, if you have a private car service.

Sadly, I can't even claim a cubicle as that implies a somewhat-square shape. The feds installed these office systems and at first called them "pods" and now try to call them "cubicles". I call them what they are. Angles.

rs27 said...

I went to Gaithersburg once.

I'm pretty sure Satan lives there.

LiLu said...

(Sigh) if only I had the luxury of a cubicle.

Even if it was in Gaithersburg.

Wait, wait, I take that back! Noooooooooo

Mike said...

I promise I'll still respect you in the morning. No REALLY!!!

D.C. Confidential said...

Using that criteria, I have an office that faces the Pacific Ocean, a bathroom that faces the Gulf of Mexico, and a living room that faces the Northwest Passage.

Hey, I think I like these criteria! :-)

Barbara said...

Convenient is a relative term. Living in Alexandria, I agree that Gaithersburg seems rather like the end of the world. But I suppose if I lived in Rockville or Potomac, it might seem a little more convenient.

emma said...

Wow. This means I've had an ocean view from my bedroom window and never even knew it? And here I mistakenly thought it closely resembles a row of dumpsters. Thank you so much for changing my perspective!

Herb of DC said...

Sea-monkeys make me happy.

lacochran said...

PQ: No offense intended to the gentle Gaithersfolk.

Matt: Wow! I'm impressed! Oh, wait, mine, too!

Repliderium.com: You've arrived!

f.B: But you can still hear Billy Mays, even with muting.

Liebchen: But... but... they promised...

Bilbo: *GROANNNNN*

Fiona: We should talk some time about the Easter Bunny.

Kate: Why, yes, I imagine it is. (And, thanks, you made me laugh out loud.)

Urban Bohemian: Angles? Looks more like Curves to me. Wait, that's already trademarked. Yeah, okay, Angles.

Rs27: I won't point out that you come from New Jersey originally.

Oh, maybe I will.

LiLu: Who needs those constricting barriers? You're freer this way.

Mike: It's *not* that common, it *doesn't* happen to every guy, and it *is* a big deal!

D.C. Confidential: I think your property value just shot up!

Barbara: Nothing gets past you, does it?

Emma: Glad to be of service.

Herb of DC: Well, sure! You're human, after all.