19 February 2009

"Chewy, chewy" --The Ohio Express


This ever happen to you?

You'll be eating something and not really paying attention. So, maybe you're sitting on the couch, watching reruns of Family Guy, and munching on popcorn out of the bag or, if you're really ritzy, out of the bowl.

And somewhere between the bag/bowl and your mouth, some of that handful of popcorn decides to go on the lam. It's just not satisfied with the life it's leading. It wants to wear a poncho and a hat and clench a cigar in its teeth and ride the plains.

And out of the corner of your eye -- because you know if you totally look away from the TV you'll miss Stewie saying "Mm, Florida. Just think somewhere in this state right now Jeb Bush is eating a live puppy" -- you sort of notice the piece of popcorn falling to the floor.

You're not a complete pig. You reach down to pick up the piece of popcorn and, hell, it's been less than five seconds... you pop it in your mouth. That's when you realize that what you picked up wasn't the piece of popcorn.

You know?

Anybody?

Bueller?

Just me?

*looks away*


Yeah, that never happened to me, either.

It did not! I made it up!

Shut up. You guys suck.



PS New poll up there on the right. Here's your chance to totally make it up to me.

16 comments:

AbbotOfUnreason said...

Um. So the unanswered question is: what might it have been that was put in your mouth? And in this hypothetical situation, did you swallow?

And I hope nobody reads this comment without reading the associated post.

Kate said...

I ate dog food once, thinking it was carmel corn. Right off the floor. Near the dog dish. Yep.

rs27 said...

Popcorn? I'll do that if I drop a popsicle on the ground.

AbbotOfUnreason said...

@Kate: what did it taste like?

Liebchen said...

I shed a lot (I realize how weird that sounds), and end up leaving long hair all over my carpet. When I pick up popcorn off the floor, I usually end up chewing on a strand.

Awesome.

repliderium.com said...

From the mouth of my darling hippy pot smoking mother...
"sometimes I'll find something squished in the cushion of the chair and I eat it. Sometimes it's popcorn and sometimes it's kitty litter."
The only time as an adult that I actually DID pee my pants from laughing so hard.

Malnurtured Snay said...

My feet will, far too often, smell like popcorn when I take my shoes off.

Barbara said...

Sort of like reaching between the couch cushions to retrieve something and coming up with something quite different but equally lost and now found.

LiLu said...

This only happens to me on days that end in Y.

Now what was the foreign object, may we ask?

f.B said...

i once ate a raisin that way. which was weird. because there had been no raisins in the house for a while.

Titania said...

sadly or not, I never get to taste the floor-dressed somewhat edible things, no matter how much I try. I have two dogs that police me when I eat anything on the couch (that is, always) and, if anything falls off my mouth, they'll get to it faster than light speed. And yes, I do feed them, but they are just in state of eternal hunger.

dmb5_libra said...

i almost ate a beetle once that way....don't ask.

Mike said...

The dog is the answer for me too. The little piece of popcorn doesn't even have a chance to make it to the floor.

lacochran said...

AbbotofUnreason: Unidentifiable and no.

Kate: Was it tasty? In a kibbles and bits sort of way?

Rs27: Gritty popsicle. Good name for a band.

Liebchen: At least it's yours.

Repliderium.com: Oy! She must have a bag of the good stuff.

Malnurtured Snay: How... different. Cheddar or regular?

Barbara: Hidden treasure... or trash... or both!

LiLu: Not identifiable. But not popcorn either.

f.B: Did the raisin wriggle?

Titania, Mike: Dogs are such blessings on so many levels.

Dmb5_libra: Ugh. I won't. I'll look for your TMI Thursday post on it, instead.

D.C. Confidential said...

Hm. Sounds like it's time to update the eyeglass prescription, perhaps?

By the way--this never happens to me, she said in her finest sarcastic voice.

Kate said...

The 5 second rule, rules! Don't worry about it.