20 February 2009

"If I could turn back time" --Cher

I am a broken woman.

I spent the last few days with my personal trainer, Jillian "I'm a bully" Michaels, via her 30 Day Shred DVD.

Feel free to commence laughing at me.

I've been doing the Level 1 routine, which is all of 20 minutes. And it's not like we're doing any fancy choreography or kempo karate. Nope. We're doing jumping jacks and push ups and lunges with weights and old school stuff like that.

And I'm dyin' here.

It's not so miserable while I'm doing it. But clearly some of these muscles haven't been worked in a while because afterwards my legs tighten up, allowing me to nail my Frankenstein's monster impersonation. Of course, without the enormous schwanzstucker.

People at work are giving me weird looks. I mean, worse than usual.

At least I'll be a toned corpse.


Narm said...

I bet your rendition of "Putting on the Ritz" would be spectacular.

Alex said...

Kudos to you to being self-motivated enough to let a DVD order you around... I'll find ways to cheat unless a drill instructor is right there, screaming at me. And since that costs an arm and a leg, it just doesn't happen.

Bilbo said...

I remember when I was doing the Body Flow workouts at the local Gold's Gym, and these trim, fit young ladies would lead us through sequences that were deceptively gentle, and yet left me a wrecked and quivering husk of the dessicated old curmudgeon as which I started out. I've gotten to sort of enjoy the new, pudgy me.

vw: squit - the present tense of squat.

fiona said...

GIMME 50 !
Oh poor baby.
The Frankenstein impersonation could be due to a night of fantastic sexy time, tell THAT to your co-workers!

wv- restseis -what you needseis today

Mike said...

My wife and I have started a walking routine. When she gets home we head to the park and walk the 1.5 mile trail. We've been doing it everyday for about 10 days now. So far I've gained 5 pounds. That's not a typo.

Wv - strav - What we all try to do to get better at something.

repliderium.com said...

it's all about leaving a pretty corpse!

Titania said...

Ouch. sorry. I know the feeling. I am a firm believer that, to lose weight, nothing beats riding a bike, but I am not exactly unbiased here, I do ride a lot. However, when I go to my home country, I have no bikes there. Them responding to the lack of exercise, I usually decide, once during the whole trip (~2 weeks), to go for a run. After that, I can't walk for one full week, but nothing is as painful as trying to go down stairs.

Barbara said...

I know what you mean about those muscles. I'm coming to appreciate muscles I never knew were so important -- like the ones that let you fly up and down stairs.

As we become older, exercise must become a way of life or we shrivel up like old prunes!

D.C. Confidential said...

Jillian kicks a**! You're a much braver person than I am. I keep thinking about getting her videos, but she scares the bejesus out of me! Still, she gets results.

rs27 said...

I'm surprised any guy that's with Jillian Michaels doesn't have a tombstone that reads..

"Death by Sex"

dmb5_libra said...

i have that same DVD and haven't used it yet....i'm scared now.

i'm a big fan of the self magazine dvds (ellen barrett is the instructor). i wasn't able to sit (very slowly) without grunting for days. i got some strange looks

f.B said...

Honestly, I just admire the dedication. Without fail, every time I start a regimen, I get a few weeks in, look up mid-set, ask "Why?" and then... well... the question wins.

wc#3 said...

Didn't I hear that walking 20 minutes a day is equal to an aerobic workout with a top of the line trainer? :D Two, maybe three miles tops...

Washington Cube said...

I have not gotten back to my regular routine of last year, following some broken ribs, but it was Pilates 3-4 times a week (on the machines), yoga a coupla times per week, and trainer-weights-gym a coupla times. Do I sound horrible saying I miss it?

Kate said...

I did the Shred ONE TIME and haven't gone back since. I had a knot in my arm for four days. Seriously.

LiLu said...

You are a braver woman than I... I think the only work out video I've ever done was Tae Bo in high school gym class, and that was only to get out of volleyball. I HATE volleyball (read: punch-LiLu-in-the-nose ball).

lacochran said...


Alex: Even with cheating, she's kicking my butt.

Bilbo: Too many squits, definitely.

Fiona: No wonder they're looking at me funny. That's probably what they're thinking.

Mike: 5 pounds of muscle?

Repliderium.com: Well, it's important to have goals.

Titania: Yup. That's the feeling.

Barbara: But sexy prunes, right?

D.C. Confidential: Yes, she does. Painful results.

Rs27: Isn't that every man's dream?

dmb5_libra: You'll do better than me, I'm sure. Give it a try.

f.B: Thinking gets in the way of a lot of things.

Wc#3: Sure, just keep a brisk pace, intersperse with squats, and carry 30 pound weights.

Washington Cube: A little, yeah. Seriously, good for you for ever having done that. You'll get back to it.

Kate: Yow! Sounds like too heavy weights.

LiLu: You're not into "face serves"? Huh.

Katherine said...

I did one of her DVD's once. And I cried. I totally respect you for going back for more!

The Pumpernickel said...

I confess...I have one of her DVDs. And she makes me samba. SAMBA!

Why do I let her treat me this way?

Bethany said...

Hey, wait a second...Jillian is MY trainer!!!

I'm also shredding--and I hear ya, I was HURTING after the first day. Now that I've done it for five days, it no longer makes me sore. I think that means I'm either ready to move on to level 2, or I'm not trying hard enough.

lacochran said...

Katherine: It's hard to do jumping jacks when you're crying.

The Pumpernickel: Jillian sambas? Hard to imagine.

Bethany: No, she's MY trainer!!! Do you do it every day or take some days off?

ErinSlick said...

Dude, jumping jacks suck. You're a champ. I can't seem to get off the couch lately. So even if you are Franken-Stein.. you'll look damn fine with those bolts coming out of your ridiculously toned neck.

lacochran said...

ErinSlick: That's what guys go for, right? Toned necks? :)