Lacochran's scab theory

Here's my scab theory: if it wasn't meant to be picked, it wouldn't be itchy.

The creationist version: God made the wound scab. God made the scab itch. Picking is God's will.

The evolutionist version: The scab wouldn't itch if there wasn't some evolutionary advantage to picking at the thing. Picking is nature's way of getting me to the next evolutionary step. Why I may be transmographying even as we speak.

Either way, for once the message is one we can all agree on.

That whole "If you pick at it, it'll never heal"? Clearly just some sadist getting his jollies.