- Just for the record, should I pass via a car accident, I would prefer not to have the spot marked by cheesy plastic flowers; a heart on a stake; or a rain-sodden, filthy Snuggle teddy bear. *shudder* I would prefer a tasteful, Vegas-worthy display with flashing lights moving in various monkey-shaped patterns.
- Experts tell us we should stop eating when we are 80% full. Isn't that like saying, you should try to be healthy? I do not know when I am 80% full. Sadly, I do know when I am 120% full. If I knew when I was 80% full, I wouldn't be up a size. Can we get a bell to ring? Maybe I could pay someone to sit next to me and blast one of those aah-OOOO-gah horns when I hit 80%. THAT would be useful. Unlike...
- I just heard about a study which found all sorts of undesirable body "debris" (anywhere from bits o' skin to bits o' excrement) on clothing that was being sold at popular fashion stores. Okay, fine. People try clothes on and then decide not to buy them. People are disgusting. Clothes get disgusting. I get that. How does knowing there are tiny bits of body debris on the clothes I'm trying on help me? How do any of the studies now purported as "news" help anyone? Can we stop the fear-mongering for two minutes?
Chief: What have you got?
Flerdner: I've got a lead on a possible bacteria in apples that occurs naturally and can't be removed.
Chief: I like it! Get the art department to come up with a menacing looking apple and write over it "An apple a day might be killing you."
Moxie: Wait! You haven't even heard my story idea: we report on the impurities in the water.
Chief: I like your moxie, Moxie, but it's been done.
Moxie: Not with microscopic views. Picture a petri dish of micro-organisms filling peoples' 60" screens. People won't know what the heck they're looking at crawling around on their screens. They won't know the good from the bad!
Flerdner: But, Chief, apples are what people associate with keeping the doctor away.
Moxie: Nobody eats apples anymore. Everybody drinks water.
Chief, eyeing his bottle of water: Call the art department and ask them to gen up some scary paramecium!