31 August 2009

"It's not so hard" --Sparklehorse


Why is everything way harder than it has to be? I go into the Subway and before I get in line I decide to make use of the facilities. As I approach the restroom, a lady is coming out. I see the door close behind her. I reach for the handle and tug. It's locked.

Bathroom lady (BL): Did it lock?
Me: Yes.
BL: It locked?
Me, trying handle again: Yes.
BL: Maybe they have a key.
Me: Probably.

BL and I approach the counter and speak directly to an employee.

BL: I just left the bathroom and it locked behind me.
Subway Guy (SG): It locked?
Extra-Helpful Woman in Line (EHWiL): I think she said it locked behind her.
SG: Did you lock the key inside?
BL: I didn't see a key.
EHWiL: I think she said it locked behind her.
BL, pointing to me: She can't get in.
SG to BL: You didn't see a key?
EHWiL: She said it locked behind her.
Me: I just need access to the restroom. Can you let me in?
SG: Yeah.
EHWiL pointing to BL: That woman said it locked behind her.

Rest easy, he found the key and I used the facilities.

I say all this to say, what kind of person is the EHWiL? I didn't even need BL to speak on my behalf but I sure as heck didn't need EHWiL volunteering her expert witness perspective. Who does this? BL was speaking directly to SG and she wasn't mumbling or hard to understand. Why are some people self-appointed interpreters? And is it okay to smack them? Because I really wanted to smack her.

19 comments:

Tina said...

You totally should have smacked her - I would have. Some people have so little life of their own they are compelled to jump into others. The discussion of your bathroom issue and how she had to intervene to solve it will probably be a staple of her conversation for weeks.

kelsi said...

it is so, so, so, so, so totally ok to smack people like that. they are, after all, asking for it. and who are we to deny them what they ask for?

HKW said...

Smack her, for all of humanity.

Maybe EHWiL has seen too many Subway commericals lately, you know the ones with people on fabulous vacations won from buying a sode at Subway, and as a result is very in-tune to what's going on on Subway?

Liebchen said...

I have to agree that it's okay to smack this lady. If you don't like to be that obvious, a well-timed turnaround in which you knock her over with your purse/elbow should also work.

Gilahi said...

What is it about Subway that brings out the stupid in people? I've posted at least twice about experiences in Subway. Makes me wonder if I really want to go in there any more.

Kate said...

I think this is why I lack the ability to go out of doors and face the world. There would be mass destruction.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Maybe you only write in English, but speak in a foreign language, from another planet, that only 'I-HAVE-TO-CONTROL-THE-ENTIRE-PLANET-LADY' could understand.

So generous of her to translate for you....

You really should have thanked her for being such a busy-body, I mean helpful person, by clubbing her with your club.

Oh wait, why spoil your lunch, just trip her on the way out. (can you tell I'm cranky today).

LiLu said...

These were those kids in class who pushed on their elbows to make their arms raise higher while screeching "ME! OH, ME, TEACHER LADY!"

Thankfully, nowadays, we just put them on sedatives.

Narm said...

If you did smack her I hope you washed your hands first.

Alex said...

Besides the annoying people, it's kind of disturbing to realize that fast food restaurants are basically designed with the assumption that nobody washes their hands, even though everyone eats with their hands.

Mike said...

It's a wonder you didn't hear EHWiL yell, "CAN ANYONE HELP THIS LADY? SHE HAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND IT'S LOCKED!!!!"

J said...

LOL it might have been okay if she had said something other than repeating herself every damn time. Ugh. Did she think they didn't hear or or what.

Oh and to answer your question, yes SMACK THEM :)

f.B said...

I think it locked behind her.

Barbara said...

When I need to pee, time is of the essence and I have no patience with bathroom keys or people who don't need to be involved.

My key story: I asked for the bathroom key at my allergist's office, only to be told they no longer were giving it out because so many people had walked away with the key. Instead they advised me to go to the first floor of the medical building WHERE THE BATHROOMS ARE NOT LOCKED. WTF?

LBluca77 said...

Some people just don't know how to mind their P's and Q's.

emmajames said...

Oh dear, I may be that kind of lady. Eek! I've been known to help a conversation along if I think there is miscommunication. Completely unsolicited, mind you. This is a good reminder that, should I do it again, I must learn to duck.

What annoys me is the person who locks the key in the bathroom and then pretends they didn't.

Glad you got to wizz though.

Bowie Mike said...

EHWiL is just a lonely lady, and I would cut her some slack. The poor lady might have 100 cats at home, or she might order stuff over the phone from QVC just to have someone to talk to. Having that brief interaction with you may have kept her from adopting one more cat or from ordering one more useless cooking appliance. You performed a community service by just listening.

lacochran said...

Tina: So, I've enriched her life? Yeah, I should have smacked her.

kelsi: Give the people what they want!

HKW: Maybe. Still no excuse.

Liebchen: I like the way you think!

Gilahi: You mean I'm getting stupider every time I go in? Crap.

Kate: But what fun mass destruction! There's a reason video games aren't titled "Stay Home and Read."

Little Ms Blogger: You say "cranky" like it's a bad thing.

LiLu: Yes! I HATED those kids. I guess everybody did.

Narm: And after, too.

Alex: So there should be hand-washing stations in all fast-food restaurants? Genius!

Mike: I'm sure that was next.

J: Next time I will.

f.B: :) I wasn't clear on that.

Barbara: So, you're good enough to be a patient of theirs but not use their bathroom? WTF, indeed!

LBluca77: Or even other letters.

emmajames: *smack!*

Bowie Mike: Now I'm picturing cats draped over all the furniture and they're all wearing QVC jewelry. Make it stop!

Jill Pilgrim said...

I yell BANANA when I want to have intercourse. My husband and I have a secret language too.