09 August 2009

"I gotta be me!" --Sammy Davis, Jr., Part II

[Proving once again that sexy is all in the attitude.]

In a different form of limiting the real you...

I know someone who refused to let her boyfriend see her without make-up for a VERY long time. (Hi, Honey. :)) They were sleeping together and she would go to sleep in her make-up. Then she'd get up before him and rush to the bathroom to re-do her makeup.

Now, I have some understanding about wanting to hide bad skin. I keep my concealer close at hand.

It was still interesting to me that she had no problem with him seeing her naked from the neck down but not from the neck up. And, of course, this couldn't have been good for her skin.

We all have things about us (physical or otherwise) we are hesitant to share. (Well, except LiLu. Hugs!) We don't want to scare away someone we're falling for. We don't want to see that "God, you're amazing" look in their eyes flicker and fail. We don't want to lose all sense of mystery ...or do we?

So... the second half of the "what percent are you" question: What percentage of you are you on a first date? When, if ever, in a relationship, do you hit 100%? Is 100% desirable? How about from them?


spleeness said...

haha, LOVE that picture at the top!

Ok, just answer the ques? Well, I've always hated my complexion. So I cn totally relate to the example. I will not leave the house without makeup. But at night with my honey, well, let's just dim the lights and then I can deal. :)

It helps that he can't see without his glasses!

Mike said...

Percentage ..... what??? .... GUYS ... here's a link to the Rolling Stone cover without the scary guy in it.

The Bug said...

It's been a LONG time since I had a first date, but I have to say that while I tried to look nice, I was a big proponent of "what you see is what you get." I'd much rather have someone go "no thank you" before I was invested in the relationship. So I'd say I was 80% me (I might not talk about my stance on abortion [pro choice] or the mystery of God's will on a first date).

Cyndy said...

For me to answer that, my percentage in Part I would need to be higher. Wait, the truth is it's been so long since I had a first date that I can't actually remember. Also, it's difficult to give a percentage answer to that question because even if I did let it all hang out back then, which I probably did, relatively speaking, the amount what I had to let hang out back then is just a tiny percentage of what I could offer (or withhold) now. So I guess it would depend on how much I liked the person. They definitely would not get 100%. No one deserves that!

liferehab said...

I haven't been on a first date in years, but I'm probably... 30% me. HSweetie and I are definitely getting to the 100%. I'm about 95% with him... I still refuse to tell him I burp and fart, but I did tell him I poop this weekend. He tells me everything I think. I find it interesting, although I really don't need a play - by - play of his bathroom experience.

lacochran said...

Vince: You are welcome. Your spam is not.

LiLu said...

Vince is obviously holding back. I could teach him a thing or two about letting it all hang out.


Barbara said...

It seemed like I had a lifetime of first dates before committing to something more permanent. Er... maybe that was because I started out at 100%. It seems like anything less just leads you down to primrose path to disaster later.

HannahBlue said...

I once went out with an idiot who one morning after waking up next to me commented on the bags under my eyes. My reaction: "So? Their just bags!"

A little bit of primping is good for the first few dates, but quality men who you've been with for awhile will want to see the real you, not a ton of makeup.

So in the past, I was probably 80% me on the first few dates and then 100% very quickly after that. I expected similar numbers from them as well.:)

Oliveira said...

I used to try and make myself a better version of me for dates. I thought nobody would want the real me, so I must pretend to be more exciting, better looking, etc. And then I realised that if I am looking for a relationship, it obviously makes zero sense to pretend to be someone I am not, because what I am risking is that the guy will fall in love with the vision I present... with the vision that isn't me. And in a relationship I would like my boyfriend to love me, not somebody who doesn't even exist.

I would say I am 85% me on first dates (not that I had one recently) and 95% me further on. I am quite unlikely to go all physiological on my boyfriend, but other than that, there's hardly anything that I try to dress up or accidentally forget to mention.

Love the comments by the way, keep 'em coming people.

Angela said...

On a first date I'm probably about 80% me. As I continue to date someone, it'll grow to about 99%. But that's because I won't fart around a boyfriend lol

Shannon said...

I have trouble putting a damper on the 'real me' in virtually every situation - first dates, job interviews, audiences with the pope...it's probably counterproductive in the long run, but it keeps me happy.

f.B said...

I don't think I have a set 100% point in relationships. I like the idea of not being sure how I'm going to get there or when it will happen. If I had a set idea of when I could be 100%, it would take all the fun out of it.

kelsi said...

let's just say i'm not as much myself as the guy in that picture.

but i wish i was.

Titania said...

hmmm, it depends on the date... But I've had first dates that are riding a bike, which means no make up, lots of sweat, usually before a shower and helmet hair. Strangely so, most of those have come out really well... I guess I figure if they like me like that, then I am "safe"

About the body, that takes a while... a much longer while

lacochran said...

spleeness: I have been told that a people get older they lose their vision so they can't see all the wrinkles and liver spots and...

Mike: Ever the good Samaritan, aren't you?

The Bug: So you don't mention the dungeon in the basement on date 1?

Cyndy: "No one deserves that." Because you're keeping it to yourself or you're afraid of what it'll do to the relationship?

liferehab: Perhaps he needs a TMIT outlet.

LiLu: Vince should be so lucky.

Barbara: So being 100% true to thine own self (ultimately) paid off. Good for you!

HannahBlue: He was indeed an idiot. Thanks for weighing in.

Oliviera: It is tiring trying to be something you're not all the time.

Angela: I don't mind if you don't fart around me, either. Honest. I won't think less of you.

Shannon: I'll bet the pope thinks you're mahvelous.

f.B: The implication being that you will get there eventually, I presume.

kelsi: Ha! Don't we all.

Titania: After helmet hair there's no where to go but up, hm? :)

Kate said...

First date, first date ... ah yes, now I remember what that is. I believe I was about 80 to 85 percent on most first dates. No farting, I watched the swearing and I tried to keep a lid on the sarcasm and inappropriate jokes. My husband had no idea what he was in for. ;)

Cyndy said...

Actually I was thinking specifically about things like farting on a first date which I had originally started to write about but then changed my mind. And if I wasn't sure about someone I definitely wouldn't share everything right away. And then there are also various aspects of shyness that can happen.
In marriage I could share every little thing if I wanted to, no problem, but there is plenty of day to day stuff that doesn't matter that much and would basically just clutter things up.

lacochran said...

Kate & Cyndy: I had no idea farting on the first date was such a big issue to my readership. How... strange.