28 July 2009

" I remember we were driving driving in your car" --Tracey Chapman



Here's my thinking: we've overcomplicated driving.

All those rules we learned in Driver's Ed? What's the point? Sure, sometimes you come to a complete stop at a stop sign and sometimes you maintain the three second rule for distance between you and the car in front of you. See? That's only two of the 428 rules and it's already too complicated.

Who can blame you if you don't follow all the rules to the letter? You are busy multitasking. You have things to do. You're watching a movie on your I-phone. You're looking up stock prices. You're calling your pal to set up a Frisbee golf game. You're texting that bit of stuff from Saturday night. You're eating Cheetos.* You're applying lip liner.* You're shaving your kinkajou.* You're figuring out which Sopranos character you are on a Facebook quiz. You're looking up "eating Cheetos" in the Urban Dictionary. You're reading my blog. Driving is secondary, I get that.

So, I say we simplify. Really simplify.

From now on there's one and only one question you should be asking yourself when you're behind the wheel: Am I in someone's way? If the answer is yes, get out of the way or expect a ticket. If the answer is no, carry on, my friend. Because, fascinating as it may be to see what you are doing in your car while you are supposedly driving, Mr. I'mDriftingIntoYourLaneAgain, the bottom line is I just want you to get out of the way. I, in
turn, will get out of your way.

Who's with me? Text #7 to 4329, but first get over into the right-hand lane.





* Euphemism? You decide.

15 comments:

Titania said...

YES!!! can I add a rule to that? Please signal when you are going to turn, in particular in you are in front of a bike (or next to it) - a whole lot of cyclist will be thankful and alive for that (yes, I am biased here)

charlotteharris said...

I am with you, especially if that driver is in a big car and I am on my little bicycle!

The Bug said...

I'm always amazed at what people are able to accomplish while driving their cars - I had a friend who was totally able to change clothes. And I admit that I once took off a bra under my shirt (just to prove I could) & ate a frosty while driving a stick shift in downtown traffic (not at the same time!), but I'm just not talented enough to do those other things...

Barbara said...

There's a lot of lane drifting going on these days. And to no great surprise, most of those people seem otherwise occupied by something in their hands. I'm starting to think we need a get-tough policy about all this multi-tasking while driving, but I too will need to clean up my act because -- gulp -- I've drifted a couple of times recently. There, I said it!

Mike said...

Let's talk about the important stuff. "You're shaving your kinkajou"? I know what you mean and that would be some feat while you were driving. It's not in the urban dictionary yet. You could add a new word!!

Bowie Mike said...

No head rubs while driving either!

justjp said...

V8 motor, Good tunes, and head. Thats all you need while driving. Duh.

repliderium.com said...

halla-fucking-luya!
(same rule needs to apply to walking!!!)

Kate said...

Don't forget you're painting your nails!

Little Ms Blogger said...

I have a better solution -- people who can't drive just stay off the road.

Herb of DC said...

As a child I had a cat named Kinkajou.

And people wonder why I gave up blogging in order to spend more time in therapy.

f.B said...

Yes. Yes. Yes. Only one rule even matters: don't be a bastard.

Dmbosstone said...

I have a video on Facebook that shows all the stuff I do when I go on a road trip- complicated driving has gotten.

lacochran said...

Titantia, repliderium.com: Happy to support your referendum if you'll support mine.

Charlotteharris: It just makes good sense.

The Bug: You already sound more talented and coordinated than me.

Barbara: Awareness is the first step. Thanks for your courage.

Mike: If you know what I mean and I know what I mean, isn't that enough? Do we really want to let the rest of the world in on it?

Bowie Mike: *cough* That's not what I thought that video would be about.

justjp: Don't you find the climax distracting?

Kate: I've been meaning to do that. Perhaps on the commute home...

Little Ms Blogger: An intelligent suggestion. Which is why it will never work.

Herb of DC: You haven't given up blogging. Thank god.

f.B: It's general but universally applicable!

Dmbosstone: Did you film it yourself while you were driving?

Jamie said...

You are brilliant. I see no need for laws against cell phone use, distracted driving, speeding, running stop signs, all that garbage. Just lead, follow, or get out of the way. I don't care which. Even if you just pretend that you are aware of other people on the road, that's good enough for me.