"Knock, knock, knockin on heaven's door" --Bob Dylan

I am so not a fan of the "Knock! Knock!"

Not the joke because how can you not be a big fan of the Knock! Knock! joke?!  Classic comedy, that's what it is.  One of my favorites:

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh--
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*slaps knee and wipes tear from eye*  Now THAT'S comedy!

No, I'm talking about the unfunny "Knock! Knock!"

Now that I am in a new role and have moved to a different work location for a year, I have moved from a private office to a cubicle.  One of the peculiar things I've discovered in cubicle living*, is that people come to my cube entrance and say "Knock! Knock!"  The hell?!  What is wrong with saying "Excuse me"?  Why must people say "Knock! Knock!"?

And, as long as I'm feeling peevish, let me add that "Excuse me" should not be followed by a steady stream of whatever topic the person is on about.  It should be followed by a pause to determine if, indeed, the badgeree wishes to be interrupted. On the plus side, I don't have Medical Mel next to me...

And, speaking of strange things to listen to:  Am I the only one that misses the public pay phone?  Remember when there was a Plexiglas barrier between the caller and everyone else so we didn't have to listen to things we should never be subjected to listening to??

I am old.

I am crotchety.

Hear me (and Katy Perry) roar.




* How comes there's no magazine entitled "Cubicle Living" in the vein of Martha Stewart's "Living" or all those other Living magazines ("Country Living", "Southern Living", "Coastal Living", "Whole Living", "Healthy Living","Subway Grate Living", ...)?  There could be columns about cubicle etiquette and ways to decorate your cubicle and 5 exercises you can do while in your cubicle and.... Oh yeah. Print is dead.

A Quickie

Under this palapa in Punta Cana...

Me, getting up but managing to trip over the edge of the lounge chair, barely catching myself before I fall.

Him:  Honey!  Are you okay?!

Me:  Yeah.  That's me...  graceful as a gazelle.

Him:  Yeah...  an epileptic gazelle.

"'Cause I want it that way" --Backstreet Boys

I was on the road last week.  At home, I know what I can eat and where in order to manage my post-Insanity weight (yes, I finished it!  9 weeks of intense workouts.  Can you believe it?*)  But here I was--out of town; away from the usual haunts.  I saw an Applebee's and remembered the recent TV commercials touting their new menu.  So, I stopped in for a salad.  Here were my choices under the section labeled SALADS:

1. Fiesta Chicken Chopped Salad
2. Seasonal Berry and Spinach Salad
3. California Shrimp Salad
4. Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad
5. Oriental Chicken Salad
6. Fried Chicken Salad

Long-time readers will no doubt remember I'm a pain in the ass pescatarian. I eat fish and seafood but I don't eat meat.  Meat includes chicken.  There goes numbers 1, 4, 5, and 6. 

Okay, so that leaves 2 & 3, not so bad.  Both titles sound promising.  I read the descriptions for them. 

The Seasonal Berry and Spinach Salad has "Grilled Chicken Breast" as its third ingredient.  You know, for those people that want chicken in their salad but don't want it in their salad title.**

Onward.

What's this?  The California Shrimp Salad has no chicken!  Huzzah!!!!!  A salad without chicken!!!!

However, the third ingredient in the California Shrimp Salad is "Crumbled Bacon".

That's right.  Every single Applebee's salad comes with meat.  By default.  Because nothing says 'salad' like meat!

I ordered the California Shrimp Salad.  Without the bacon.  Without the avocado.  With the dressing on the side.***  And, to their credit, they brought the salad quickly and exactly as ordered.  I tipped well.

Question du jour:  Will you risk being perceived as a pain in the ass high maintenance to get food the way you really want it or do you figure you'll just get it as written?






* Well, you don't have to be that surprised.  I have been known to finish exer... um, there was that once I... er... I see your point.

** Whaaaa...?

***
Sally Albright: But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side, and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real; if it's out of the can then nothing.
Waitress: Not even the pie?
Sally Albright: No, I want the pie, but then not heated.

"And make me burn the candle right down" -- The Rolling Stones

I saw a great show this week.  If you were in the DC area on Monday, I don't have to tell you about the big concert in town.

And, yeah, I'm all about satisfaction and gettin' me some but I didn't spend the evening looking at this:

 or this:

*gag*

I spent the evening looking at an entirely different geezer:

We saw Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers who have teamed with Edie Brickell.  Extraordinarily impressive musicians and vocalists (the Rangers) and Steve even threw in a joke here and there.  But, even though we traded the debauchery of rock and roll for the low-key dignity of bluegrass, I still felt the need to write:

7 Reasons You Know You Are Getting Too Old For Concerts

1.  The lawn looks less 'cool, party space' and more 'uncomfortable, mosquito chow'.

2.  A Morning Star veggie burger in a cardboard container costing $10 doesn't raise an eyebrow.  (It came with a pile of greasy potato chips! Score!!!!)

3.  You're THRILLED to take a shuttle from mass transit because it means you don't have to deal with the parking.  THRILLED!!!

4.  You actually spend some time reading the brochure they handed you on entry.

5.  As the night goes on, instead of thinking "This is AWESOME!" you think "I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow to make that meeting."

6.  You go to concerts where the most suspicious smell is that of the unwashed folks seated near you.

7.  At the concerts you go to, you don't have to yell "Down in front!" because no one bothers to stand up.

Question du jour:  What are you getting too old for? Or desperately clinging to as if you are not?

"Who are you... who... who... who... who..." --The Who (of course)

I received the following email:

Dear Eric, Recently you and/or members of your household entered the Southern Lady Sweepstakes which is partnered with VisitSarasota.org.  You would’ve received an envelope in your mailbox from VisitSarasota.org containing a brochure with information about our area that was mistakenly addressed to the incorrect individual.  We apologize for this error and have corrected our system. If you would like us to resend another VisitSarasota.org brochure, please click the link below and enter your complete name and mailing address and we will send one to you right away. www.phasevprojects.com/visit_sarasota/ Thank you for your interest in the Southern Lady Sweepstakes and the Sarasota area. Sincerely, VisitSarasota.org

Of note:

• It was sent to Eric
• They say they had previously sent me information addressed to the incorrect individual but they've corrected that now!

Dear Eric, Recently you and/or members of your household entered the Southern Lady Sweepstakes which is partnered with VisitSarasota.org.  You would’ve received an envelope in your mailbox from VisitSarasota.org containing a brochure with information about our area that was mistakenly addressed to the incorrect individual.  We apologize for this error and have corrected our system. If you would like us to resend another VisitSarasota.org brochure, please click the link below and enter your complete name and mailing address and we will send one to you right away. www.phasevprojects.com/visit_sarasota/ Thank you for your interest in the Southern Lady Sweepstakes and the Sarasota area. Sincerely, VisitSarasota.org

Um...

I guess you can call me Eric from now on.*  I didn't think I had gender confusion but apparently Southern Lady Sweepstakes saw through my denial. 

I always wanted a good reason to march in a parade.

Questions du jour: 

1. Is the sun too hot in Florida?  Global warming, you know...
2. If you had to have a name for yourself that was associated with the opposite sex, what would you pick?

* It sure beats "Dick". **
** Not that I'm an expert on beating Dick. ***
*** This has taken an ugly turn.  Look away from the footnotes. ****
**** WHAT?!