"You've got to stop and smell the roses" --Mac Davis

There are regular check ups for your teeth and your eyes and your ears but where's your nose in all of this? Shouldn't it be front and center? Shouldn't you be getting your sense of smell checked regularly?

How bad would it be to be hard of smelling? You wouldn't be able to fully enjoy your favorite meals, wines, flowers if the old honker was on the decline. Terrible. So, sure, you'd want to do everything you could to fix it. Get your six month scratch and sniff test.

Even so, you know what they say... Guys don't make passes at girls who wear smelling aids.

So unfair.

Here is very funny Jeremy Hotz on doctors and dentists...

Jokes.com
Jeremy Hotz - Doctors and Dentists
comedians.comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy

Question du jour: Do you believe in regular (preventative) check ups? Or is it really just a scam/overkill?

A quickie

We are in different rooms. I am reading aloud from a Hollyhock catalog...

Me: Ooo, they have meditation classes. You like meditation.

Hubby:

Me: Do you want to "awaken joy"?

Hubby: Who's Joy? And why would I want to wake her up?

Me:

Hubby: I didn't even ask if "awaken" was one word or two.

Me: *pause* HEEEEYYY!

"I heard it through the grapevine" --Marvin Gaye

So, Office Politics is king right now in my organization. OP has already beaten up a half dozen people who dared to hang out in the locker room a smidge too long and there are rumors of swirlies. Well, more than rumors. A few people have come back with dripping hair.

No, no. Don't have to go. I'll hold it until I get home.

So, you'll forgive me if I'm a little distracted.* See, every day there are more stories.

Me? I'm quietly doing my homework and maybe a little extra credit, avoiding reasons to call attention to myself, and periodically checking for "kick me" signs.

Fun times.

And since I've gone off on this high school analogy, let's extend it to the question of the day. Clue me in: Do high school students still pass notes? Is it all electronic now? Does the teacher catch you and make you read your text to the entire class? Has the traditional handwritten "Check a box" note been replaced by a radio button survey? Are the crude drawings of Mr. McFinkle's butt now crafted lovingly with Photoshop?



* What do you mean "You're full of excuses"?! I really was sick last week and there really is office politics going on and my neighbor's dog probably ate my blog post. It's possible. He threw up something chunky looking so it might have been that.

"Put the lime in the coconut, drink 'em both up" --Harry Nilsson

I got zapped with something nasty Tuesday night and I've been down for the count since. But, it hasn't all been bad...


Top Five Reasons It's Good to Be Sick

5) Have genuine excuse to work my "pathetic" look.

4) Able to cite impressive fever stats to boss instead of more common and suspicious "not feeling so good" reason for not reporting to work.

3) The Golden Girls.

2) Can use exciting terms like "surprising" and "dramatic" when talking about bodily functions.

1) Able to lose three pounds in one day.*


Question du jour: Does being sick give you the right to expect pampering? *insert pathetic look here*



* Amazing what frequent trips to the bathroom, fever sweats and lack of appetite will do. I am single-handedly redefining the term "Biggest Loser success story." So exciting! If people are willing to inject botulism into their foreheads, surely they'll ingest it to slim right down. You heard it here first.**

** This could also lead to the reopening of several DC restaurants.

"And you want to do it right because you like to do it right" --Jane Siberry

Since I ratted out an old office-mate in the last post, I'll divulge something strange about myself in a blatant karma re-balancing attempt. When I was a kid, I would eat my food one item at a time. Nobody taught me this. I just did it.

So maybe I'd start with the corn (*said in Turtle Boy voice*: I like corn!) and I'd eat all the corn on my plate before moving on to the turkey burger and eating as much turkey burger as I wanted and then I'd eat the green beans. I tended to eat in the order of preference. I don't know why I ate serially. It just felt better to me.

As I moved into adulthood, I came to realize something: people stare at you when you eat like this.

So, I stopped doing this. Sometimes I'm so aware of this that if I'm eating a melange of food--say a fruit salad, I'll try to eat the components in a balanced way such that I don't have only one type of fruit left as I near the end.

That's much better, right?

Right?

Oh.

I don't freak out if my food touches but I will say I'm happier if it doesn't. I sometimes pick up salad at a grocery store salad bar for lunch. I always pick the containers with the dividers. On one of these trips, I had my green salad in the main compartment and cottage cheese in another compartment and fruit in the third compartment. I got up to the register and placed the clear, sealed container on the belt. It got up to the cashier. She weighed it, picked it up, looked at it and shook it violently. Let me restate, she SHOOK IT VIOLENTLY. Who knows, maybe it was too neat for her. She didn't say. She, then, put it in the plastic bag and announced my total. A field of red came down in front of my eyes. I was so mad I was speechless. She was oblivious.


Questions du jour: Do any of you eat your food serially? Is this a sign of genius?*



* It just makes sense that it would be, right? Right? Oh.