10 December 2009

TMI/"Well, you don't know me" --Ray Charles (or Edwin Starr)


I know you think I'm all that. It's sweet, really. That look you get on your face; all googly-eyed. I can tell you're hot for me. Or constipated.

But you don't really know me.

You've probably figured out that doing the non-meat dealio, I eat tofu and gluten and all manner of weirdness including such loveliness as Tofurkey Jerky. Mmmm.

Still want to snuggle? Let's keep going...

I will contentedly eat mashed potatoes made from potato flakes.


Yup. Still feeling all oo-eey gooey? Okay...

I will eat canned corn. Cold. Right out of the can.

Yeah, I see that twitch.

I will eat canned peas, cold, right out of the can. You know those mushy, canned English peas with the weird tinny, sweet-vomit smell? Thaaaaat's right. Not even the fancy Le Sueur type.

Mm-hm. Now, you're taking your hand off my butt.

I will eat plain sour cream with potato chips. Or without potato chips. By. The. Spoonful.

I see you inching away.

Chinese food? Much better cold.

Shall I go on?

Better yet: What do you eat that is perhaps, shall we say, less than gourmet?*




* Food, people. FOOD.

30 comments:

Herb of DC said...

In the past I was known to get all liquored up and walk to the corner store to get a Hostess Cherry pie.

I try to skip the first step these days.

Mike said...

"less than gourmet?"

What's gourmet? White Castle?

Liebchen said...

My favorite guilty pleasure is Pizza Hut's stuffed crust pizza. Why yes, I do need an extra layer of greasy cheese built *right* into the crust please. My arteries thank you.

Gilahi said...

I don't eat 'em any more, but I love fried pork skins. You know, those puffy, greasy, salty pieces of what is basically deep-fried pork fat? I could eat a whole bagful. The big bags, not those namby-pamby single-serving things.

justjp said...

Gourmet is over rated. Go with what you like and you will be happy. Thats how I roll.

froggy said...

I took all the left over Thanksgiving wine, mixed it together and stored it in a plastic bottle in the fridge. Last night I had a glass....

The Bug said...

I love those dense lard laden donuts you get out of vending machines. They're kind of like dunkin sticks, but round like a donut. Those puppies have 18 grams of fat in them. Yum!

Bilbo said...

The Germans call it "Schmaltz" - you know it as bacon fat - smeared on thick slices of hearty bread. People on the other side of the room can hear your arteries slamming shut as you chew.

Oliveira said...

I really don't understand why some people DON'T chill red wine. It's so much better below 10 degrees.

Masala Chica said...

cheez its with cream cheese. so good. hmmm. what else? i will eat cold chicken curry as long as it tastes good - even when the fat in it is all congealed. Once you mix it into the rice you can't really tell.

I mean unless you have any class but that wasn't the question, right?
Kiran

Sean said...

I was thinking about writing Cool Ranch Doritos, but I think that counts as gourmet.

Toe said...

I used to eat that cheese in a can. Straight out of the can no crackers needed.

Lisa said...

I love Cheez Its. I also love that fake cheese dip you can get in jars.

Tina said...

that whipped cream you can spray right into your mouth - you know the kind teenagers use for huffing? the hell with getting high give me the whipped cream. And a big bowl of macaroni in melted butter.

Bowie Mike said...

Many years ago, I was a kid in a large family with a low budget. Ever hear of powdered milk? A lot of out veggies came from cans, and we even had pickled beets on a semi-regular basis. All of our pizzas were Chef Boyardee.

My Mother still occasionally makes sloppie joes. I can eat a bunch. My wife can't stand them. My wife nearly died when I once filled a hamburger bun with her chili and ate it.

Barbara said...

Is bacon gourmet? It's certain not kosher, but I.LOVE.IT!

I do not love cold canned peas of any variety though. Ewwwww!

And I'd much rather go all-veg than eat To-furkey. Cooked tofu in the shape of a bird does not sound appetizing in the least.

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

ewww can corned.

Stopping over to see you.

Mac and Cheese said...

I once ate an entire packet of powdered cheese from a box of KD. I'd do it again if it hadn't made me, uhmmmm, well, you can imagine.

*Jac* said...

When I was little I used to dip pickles in chocolate pudding. Now, I love cold spagetti O's. With chips. Yummy. I think that may be my dinner tonight.

Hannah said...

Funny you mention eating things out of the can, because I eat whole berry cranberry sauce out of the can all the time! (Not just during the holidays, oh no)
This is also weird and definitely not healthy, but I like to eat burned things sometimes too. You know when you cook something with sauce on it in the oven and part of the sauce burns on the sheet? Hmm...nummy!

Dixie said...

MacDonald's fries dipped in MacDonald's chocolate shakes.

Cold Chinese food.

I used to get about 3 slices of bread, a can of vienna sausage, some sweet gherkins, and some yellow mustard and make little sandwich roll things out of those fine ingredients. One of my favorites.

spleeness said...

Not only do I eat, but also ENJOY, cold asparagus from the can!

And as long as someone else mentioned this, I love french fries dipped in a Wendy's chocolate frosty. They have to be McDonald's fries though. And hot. Salty too.

Janet Kincaid said...

Homemade potato soup, cold. Cold toast. Lots of lemon on my salad instead of salad dressing. Canned corn, cold or hot. But I draw the line there. Veggies should be eaten gently steamed, not boiled to death.

I'm sure I'll think of more...

As for the picture accompanying this entry, ewwwww. But more disturbing than the lost-in-translation baked backwash is the pork meat under mayonnaise sauce. Ewwww ewwwww ewwwww. Plechy!

Janet Kincaid said...

P.S. @ Bilbo: "Schmaltz" can also be chicken or goose fat spread on bread. Pork fat rulz, so I've got no probs spreading that on bread. Yummy! Chicken fat? Not so much. Haven't had goose, but I've heard "it's to DIE for."

Titania said...

I'll drink reheated coffee from the day before. And, as a good foreigner, I love things like octopus and beef tongue (really)

Tinksfairy said...

Mac & cheese and applesauce. You put the mac & cheese on your spoon, then you add a little applesauce, and...enjoy. You like apples and cheese right? Same thing, just that the apples don't require chewing.


Oh, and one of my roommates refuses to share margarine because she likes to eat margarine out of the tub with her finger. Top that.

lacochran said...

Herb of DC: Corner store cherry pie. Sounds deelish!

Mike: Well, the castle part does make it pretty fallutin.

Liebchen: Who can argue with more cheese? No one, that's who.

Gilahi: Puffy, greasy, salty and fatty--sounds like the four food groups to me.

justjp: Words to live by.

froggy: Ha! Marvelous.

The Bug: Vending machine fritters! Mmmm!

Bilbo: I saw little tubs of it on the table when I was in Germany! They sat out ALL day!

Oliveira: I had red wine slightly chilled but if it's absolutely cold I have a hard time tasting it. Doesn't mean I won't drink it...

Masala Chica: Right! Nothing wrong with a little congealing.

Sean: Downright upright.

Toe: Just point and shoot, right?

Lisa: Processed cheese food still has cheese in it somewhere, I'm thinking, and you can't go wrong with that.

Tina: I eat buttered noodles, too. Simple yet satisfying.

Bowie Mike: Well they don't call him *Chef* Boyardee for nothing!

Barbara: The Tofurkey shaped like a football one sees at Thanksgiving is nasty. Tofurkey Jerky is quite another thing.

HeartsMakeFamilies: Thanks for stopping by!

Mac and Cheese: I can imagine!

*Jac*: I ate Spaghetti Os regularly as a kid. Maybe I should try them again...

Hannah: When you cook like I do, you come to appreciate the flavor of burnt.

Dixie: We should eat cold, leftover Chinese food together. :)

spleeness: I can see where the sweet and creamy would offset the hot and salty.

Janet Kincaid: Yeah, I'm with you on the pork meat under mayonnaise sauce. I'm guessing a lot of sauces start with mayonnaise but I don't think they should "feature" it.

Titania: Beef tongue is a fruit sauce is deelish!

Tinksfairy: I can't top it! The perfect way to end this post. :)

Mme.Meow said...

Well... I used to eat boogers.

Now I like mayonnaise sandwiches and whoever said Hostess pies gets three purrs and a growl.

Kate said...

OK, the peas thing is REALLY getting to me. But only because I REALLY hate peas, hot or cold.

I will eat chicken-flavored Shake 'n Bake all by itself right out of the bag. And pizza provided all the cheese is removed from it.

Maya said...

Beets out of the can.