09 December 2009

"Gonna keep on tryin' till I reach my highest ground" --Stevie Wonder

At the party supply store*, I get the shrink wrap for baskets that you can use a hairdryer on--way cool!--and head to the checkout.

Cashier--mind you he's working at a PARTY supply store--, in a voice that has to come up a few levels to hit catatonic: Hi. How are you?

Me: Fine. How are you?

Steven Wright's less enthusiastic brother: *pause* Existing.

Me, Wonderful. A ray of sunshine. Do they teach you to respond that way in little executives school?: Yeah, well... it beats the alternative.**

Cashier: Well, I guess, but at least there, there's the element of surprise.

Me, What the... ? Abort conversation! Abort! *indicating wrap*: Just this.

Cashier: Where did you find this?

Me, perplexed, *pointing in the general direction*: Over there.

Cashier, in the least amazed voice I've ever heard: That's amazing. We had a customer come in earlier this week asking for this stuff and none us knew if we had any.

Me: *blink* Clearly, you do.

Cashier rings up sale.

Me: I can walk over with you and show you where it's kept...

Cashier: Nah. That's okay.

Yeaaaah. I can just imagine the next conversation.

Customer: Do you have that shrink wrap for doing your own baskets?

Cashier: Yeah.

Customer: Great! Can you show me where it is?

Cashier: No. *pointing at own arm* Does this look like a tumor to you?

* A complete misnomer. Wouldn't it be great if they really did supply the whole party? Heaven. But no. Check it. They don't carry mini hot dogs in blankets or drunken karaoke singers. I know. Right?!

** Can I tell you how much I hate that I said this? I might as well have said "Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays!"


Narm said...

When he said "Existing" you should have called him a lair - just to see him argue out of that one.

The Bug said...

I actually like his response about the element of surprise, but I guess it would make me wonder if he needed counseling...

Our party store DOES have hotdogs in blankets (I think - but they have hummus, so wouldn't those two be mutually exclusive?). But alas no karoake singers.

Toe said...

I think you just gave him the idea to try the alternative. Could you imagine his co-workers coming in one day and find the horrible hanging body dangling from party streamer and balloon string makeshift noose? Or worse suffocating himself with the shrink wrap.
Man there's some lethal stuff at the Party store.

Gilahi said...

This guy's obviously missing a career opportunity in customer service at Verizon.

Herb of DC said...

Are you making a dress?

Drama Queen said...

"Stephen Wright's brother" - that cracked me up. I love Stephen Wright.

Too freakin' funny. :)

Tina said...

I have to confess to having deliberately been an annoying sales clerk in the past. Perhaps this guy was acting for his own amusement? I did various personas on different days just to keep myself entertained.

WV Pragmanr - an overly practical manner?

Kate said...

Sigh. This kind of thing makes me so uncomfortable.

Mike said...

You haven't answered Herb yet.

Mac and Cheese said...

Funny that my last post dealt with customer service too. I think my experience was more positive than yours though.

Having once been a disgruntled, underpaid, customer service rep, I can at least understand your cashiers motivation for apathy. Just don't let him get a job at Disney.

Bowie Mike said...

I'll take an apathetic clerk over one that's annoyed that there's a customer interrupting their cell phone call. I'm a fan of Steven Wright also, but I hate Steven Wright interviews because he never allows himself to come out of character. Sometimes I need to know that there's a real person in there.

lacochran said...

Narm: It's okay, I know what you meant.

The Bug: Your party store sounds way superior to this one. Ours is a glorified dollar store.

Toe: A clerk pinata. Oy.

Gilahi: Probably his next move.

Herb of DC: If only I could rock the wrap like Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes...

Drama Queen: I saw him in concert. It was wild because there were all these delayed reactions to his jokes so people would laugh at the strangest times.

Tina: *pphhhttttt*

Kate: He was sort of the Andy Kaufman of party stores.

Mike: I thought I did, yeah.

Mac and Cheese: He'd never make it through the interview.

Bowie Mike: Right? Like they're doing you a favor by letting you buy something.

spleeness said...

I nearly peed myself. "Steven Wright's less enthusiastic brother" and "Abort conversation. Abort!"

Do you live in the DC area? I feel like everyone here went to the Little Executive's Ray of Sunshine school!