06 October 2009

"Save me from these evil deeds before I get them done" --Fiona Apple

[Peep show.]

I am burned out like a toasty, crispy, ... piece of... um... ... ... burnt thing.

See? Yeah, I got nothin'. And still a week to go before vacation. *taps foot* What to do... what to do... Why, it's the perfect time to receive an award!

Yes! I've gotten an award. Well, my goodness! Oh wait... goodness has nothing to do with it. It's the You Shoulda Been a Stripper Award (pictured above) from Little Ms Blogger. Um, thanks!(?)

Please don't tell Mum.

I guess I'll go with honored. Not everybody has the ability to vamp a pole in blogville but, in truth, I would probably be the one working the pole with the Clorox spray bottle and the paper towels. Because, ew. I mean, really, can you see me in 6 inch heels and a g-string and... hey, why are you looking at me that way? Knock it off before I call jp to bounce your ass out of here.

I'm supposed to list 7 of my personality traits, as evidenced on my blog and then pass the award on to 7 other blogs with notable personality. Me? Personality? Who knew?* So, before Kanye jumps up here and tells everybody that Lexa should have won it, I better get on with this...

  1. Inquisitive. I've been told on a number of occasions that I would have made a good lawyer. Not because I'm eloquent. Not because I'm knowledgeable. Not because of the billable hours, dang it. But because I interrogate. I am forever asking questions and sometimes they're rapid fire and pointed and, really, you don't expect us to believe you were nowhere near the pint of Cherry Garcia when it went missing, do you?!**
  2. Playful. I've been short of it lately but I'm on the brink of a vacation and I'll get my play back, I promise. *feels weight of water balloon in hand* *smiles* *wiggles eyebrows*
  3. Incredulous. I am often unwilling to accept what is clearly true in the world around me. I am frequently in a state of "Wait, what did she just say to me?" Hence, my misfortune = your entertainment.
  4. Impatient. Next!
  5. Earwormy. I often title my posts with a snippet of lyric. Because life is a song. And just a bowl of cherries. And a highway (I want to drive it all night long). If you don't remember my ideas, you'll remember the snippet of lyric and it will slowly drive you and everyone around you quite mad because you can't not hum that stanza, can you? So, that's a cheery thought. My little gift to the world.
  6. Artsy. Let's not forget the celery rose.
  7. Confessional. You don't have to wear the priest's collar but if you want to... er, anyway, yeah, if I can't tell you, then who? Let's face it, you've provided me with enough material to create an effective double bind for any blackmail attempt. In a nutshell, you're deeply disturbed and I find that really comforting.
There. Enough. On to the next victi--proud recipients. And, because I am an equal opportunity debaucher, and because they're the minority here in blogland***, I'm putting the following men up there in the spotlight (can I get a boom-chika, boom-chika, boom-chika please?):

Al in the Country

Bowie Living

Bradford Pearson

Farm Fresh Meat

Malnurtured Snay

Sean's Ramblings

Toby or Not Toby

So, let's give them a big hand, shall we?!

*the crowd goes wild*

And, as long as we're on the topic, how about a question of the day: Are strip clubs sexy?

* What? Every award recipient demonstrates false modesty. You'd prefer I thank Jesus?

** Judge: "Mr. Kirkland, you are out of order."
Kirkland: "You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order!"

God, I love that scene.

*** It's terrible the way they only make 70 blog cents to every blog dollar we make.


A said...

I don't know if strip clubs are sexy, but that Peep Show is kinda turnin' me on.

And by turned on, I mean peckish.

(BTW, my word verification is "winesto". That feels like it should be a real word, doesn't it?)

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

Several years ago I went to a strip club with a man who was *just a friend* but I was secretly in love with him and it was incredibly sexy. But I have also been to my fair share of strip clubs that were ultimately depressing.

Lemmonex said...

I blush.

No...no, really...I do. I just bought some new blush.

I am usually pretty drunk at strip clubs so I am not feeling too sexy.

The Bug said...

I've never been to a strip club - is that sad? I wasn't much of a bar-hopper back in the day & now I'm just too dang old...

LBluca77 said...

Strip clubs are sexy. I was at one this past weekend. So yes it is sexy to see men in banana hammocks flopping their business in one's face.

Dmbosstone said...

I went to a strip club once. It was interesting.

Alice said...

i've only been to 1 stripclub that was sexy - the rest were sad / skeevy / gross / alarming. but that one was FUN. west va, ftw!

Liebchen said...

I've never been to a strip club, but I can tell you this from my pole dancing class: the Clorox and paper towels actually make it easier to hang on to the pole and to climb it.

No lie.

dmb5_libra said...

i've been to a few strip clubs, but they were all lady stippers.

on the rare occasion i happen across a male stripper on tv or the internets, i cannot help but to giggle uncontrollably or be completely grossed out.

f.B said...

Only been to a club o' strippers once. I learned a lot of new sounds that night. The people I went with were sexy, though. Actually, we were too sexy for the place and they basically asked us to leave.

J said...

That picture is hilarious. Congrats on your award!

Strip clubs are not sexy!

Hannah said...

Woo congrats on your award. It's good to know more about you.:)

Strip clubs by and large aren't sexy. They're sad and exploitive. (for the men and women) That Peep picture, however, is very awesome!:)

Mike said...

"Are strip clubs sexy?"

I'll start doing a survey as soon as I can and get back to you.

LiLu said...

Got you this.

Little Ms Blogger said...

OMG...I LMAO at LiLu's present...btw, you forgot to wish for world peace.

Wait. That's the Miss America pageant question. Never mind.

Never been to strip club, but wouldn't not go to one.

Bowie Mike said...

Kudos on your award! And thanks for mine. I would also like to thank the Academy.

Strip clubs? Sexy? The first one I went to was a bit, ummm, inexpensive, and when I walked in, the girl on stage was dancing to a Stevie Ray Vaughn's song called Look at Little Sister. That made me think of my little sister, which ruined the night for me.

My wife and her lady friends recently went to a place that was in Capital Heights (that's PG, if you're not in the know) featuring male strippers. "Overweight" and "sweaty" were the adjectives that she used - not "sexy."

Matt said...

Kanye is everywhere.


Barbara said...

The only time I ever went to a strip club was with work colleagues in Bangkok, Thailand. I have never seen so much sex with so many people and props in a 90-minute show. Then we walked outside afterwards to see some of the performers hanging out on the sidewalk as if it was just another night's work. It was more than a little sad. And no, I wouldn't call anything I saw SEXY.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I've been to a strip club before. But I had no idea that it was a strip club until I looked up at the mirror in front of me and saw a woman with a pole directly behind me. That was a surprise.

Kate said...

Three things:

1. You should have gone into journalism (actually, maybe you are ... it occurs to me I have no idea what you do for a living). Anyway, then you can justify your inquisitiveness as an occupational hazard.

2. I love "Life is a Highway" -- the Tom Cochrane version. The Rascal Flatts version bugs.

3. I've only been to one strip club. It was a place called the Pink Pony in Atlanta. I got a lap dance from a beautiful lady named Marilyn who would come up once a month from Florida just for the extra money. That place ruled.

Mike said...

Thought I'd report back in. The research is going well. Though the bank wonders why I keep coming back for more one dollar bills.

lacochran said...

A: Peck a pack of peeps!

The Maiden Metallurgist: So, it matters who you go with. Huh.

Lemmonex: So, it depends on the condition you're in. Huh.

The Bug: Unless you have regrets, it's not sad.

LBluca77: Glad you got your flop fix.

Dmbosstone: How to avoid committing...

Alice: So it matters club your in. Huh.

Liebchen: I believe you. Less oils and, um, *cough*, stuff.

dmb5_libra: Chris Farley was the sexiest.

f.B: New sounds? Are there new sounds?

J, Hannah: Thanks and thanks for your definitive answer.

Mike: Good of you to volunteer for this dangerous assignment. I'll be the missus is thrilled.

LiLu: Aww, just what I always wanted.

Little Ms Blogger: Good to be clear, I guess.

Bowie Mike: My pleasure. She must have gone to The Hanger Club. Don't ask how I know.

Matt: He's like Elvis that way.

Barbara: You went to a Bangkok strip club with *colleagues*?! I can't imagine.

Kate Coveny Hood: But a sexy one or no?

Kate: 1) And starve? No thanks.
2) Me, too.
3) I'll take that as a "Yes, they're sexy."

Titania said...

Strip Clubs? Not anywhere near as sexy as you are

omchelsea said...

lol. I'm loving that pic!

Anonymous said...

Ghost story for you.
Submitted for your approval;

Narm said...





Mike said...


Reya Mellicker said...

Congrats on the award and god speed to your vacation.

I think "Farm Fresh Meat" is one of the best blog names I've ever heard. Wow. Should win just for the name alone.