"I ain't sayin' she a gold digger" --Kanye West

Prior to the presidential election, I decided to support my candidate by making a donation or two to his political party in relation to his campaign.  I was proud that I put my money where my mouth was and pleased with the results.  Now, the election is long over and, like a deadbeat relative, the party continues to ask for money.  All the freakin' time.

Party:  Um, can you spare a few bucks.  I'm kinda short this week.

Party:  Hey, remember how you gave me money a long time ago and how great that was?  Yeah, I need more.

Party:  You know, I wouldn't have to ask for money if the other party wasn't such a jerk.  *cough*

Party: OMG, have you heard what [opposite] party is up to?  Are you outraged?!!!  You should be!!! We won't let them get away with this.  Give me money and I swear we'll stop them.

Party:  So, um, anyway, I don't need a lot of money...

I want to be a good little ideologue and follow the news through the Party's view but I'm hitting the point of unsubscribe me dammit, followed closely by the ever popular cease and desist!  The problem is I foolishly gave Party my address and I fear if I unsubscribe I'll be stalked.  Am I Party's last and only friend?? 


Question du jour:  Ever feel like you need a restraining order just to get rid of someone/something that seemed like a good idea at one point?

"It's so funny how we don't talk anymore..." --Cliff Richard

 In the news...

"RI tops the list for most stressed state in the nation

Posted: Apr 24, 2013 2:52 PM EDT Updated: Apr 24, 2013 2:52 PM EDT

ddequattro@abc6.com
Rhode Islanders experience the least enjoyment in the country and the state ranks number 2 when it comes to the most stressed states.
According to a new Gallup poll released on Wednesday RI is the second most stressed state in the country..."

That news is bound to help the Rhode Islanders feel better, right?

At a more local level in the area of 'Stress inducing or stress relieving? You decide.', I've decided to pursue insanity.  As in:


Yeah, I ordered the Insanity workout off Amazon (half price! yay!!) and am in the third day.  The bad news is that after three days I haven't gotten totally shredded. ;)  The good news is I'm not dead yet.  Bonus:  Shaun T is much more encouraging than Jillian or Tony H.


Question du jour 1:  Have you missed me as much as I've missed you?  (By the way, I LOVE how you're looking these days!!!  Fabulous!  No, I mean it!  You haven't aged a bit!) 

Question du jour 2:  Do news services do more harm than good?

Question du jour 3:  Any other Insaniacs out there?*


* When I was in undergrad I saw a guy walking around with a pin that said "I'm a Manilow maniac!"  Speaking of "about to get your ass kicked..." **

** I kid, Barry.  I kid.  

"You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" --Joni Mitchell

Angus T. Jones, arguably the "Half" in Two and a Half Men, best known for his half-assed attempts to act, has now decided that he wants to publicly discourage people from watching the "filth" that is his hit TV show because it does not represent his religious values.

He is being paid $350,000.00.

PER.

EPISODE.

Here are my predictions:

• Within six months, Angus will be "released"* from his TaaHM contract, at which point the ratings will improve.
• Angus will be unable to get another acting job. Anywhere. Ever. Not even in a Christmas pageant. 
• Within one year, Angus will be in the headlines for snorting coke off a hooker's ass.  TMZ will run the video.
• Within two years, Angus will be brought up on charges of tax evasion and will plead poverty (see 'coke off hooker's ass' above).
• Within three years, Angus will be working at a Gas 'N' Sip.

Question du jour:  Does it bother you when people who have no discernible talent fall ass backwards into luck and promptly throw it away?

No reason.  Just askin'...



* Much the same way one "releases" a Taco Bell 'fourth meal' at 3 A.M.

"Real Men of Genius" --presented by Bud Light

So, yeah, last month we went back to Cozumel.  It was rough:

We stayed at an all-inclusive which meant that we could have drinks or food any time we wanted.  I say this not to be all "Look at me, I'm fancier than Ann Romney's Cadillacs" but because it's germane to what I'm going to tell you.

While we were at this all-inclusive hotel, there were Texans in the next room.  They brought their own beer to an all-inclusive.  Rather than drink either of the beer options offered (two different bottled Dos Equis) or anything else from the full service bars (high end liquor, mixed drinks, wine), they toted around their cooler of Bud Lights.  That's right.  These folks, who paid in advance for the joy of having whatever they wanted delivered to them on the beach, passed up Dos Equis in favor of their own Bud Light in cans.  I've heard of brand loyal but WTF?

Questions du jour:  What have you passed up that was free in favor of something that wasn't?  Do you ever cringe at American behavior when you are traveling?

"Hey, leader, strike up the band!" --Gershwin & Gershwin

We are standing in the AT&T store talking to the clerk at the counter.

Me:  I'm going to go with the iPhone.

Hubs:  The 4?  Or are you going to wait weeks for the 5?

Before I can answer the guy behind me takes it out.*  That's right, he pulls his iPhone 5 out of his pocket and interjects:  Wait for the 5, it's totally worth it!  You'll love it.  Here!  Feel it!

He motions to hand his phone to Hubs.

Hubs to Guy:  I don't love anything about Apple.  In fact I think they're the great Satan.**

We can feel all eyes turning to look at us.

Guy:  *pause*  What are you an Android guy?

Hubs:  That's right.

Guy, dismissively:  Oh, there's no comparison.

Hubs:  I couldn't agree more!

Guy: *blink* ***

Later, after the purchase is complete, and we are in the car...

Me, incredulous:  You announced that you thought Apple was the great Satan in an AT&T store.  Why would you say that?!  You know Apple isn't the great Satan.  That's always been Bill Gates!

Hubs:  I just wanted to shut him up.  I could just tell he was one of those people who camped out so he could be one of the first people to get one.  He was just looking for an opportunity to show it off.

So, anyway, things change. When everybody had a Blackberry, I had a Palm.  When all the cool kids bought an iPhone, I bought an Android.  Now everyone is jumping on the iPhone 5 bandwagon and I'm tired of being bandwagon-less.  

So, yeah, the iPhone 5 is on its way.

God have mercy on my soul.

Question du jour:  Just how damn cute are lemmings?



* 
ELAINE: He took it out.
JERRY: (confused) He what?
ELAINE: He took (blows on her glasses twice to clean them) it out.
JERRY: He took what out?
ELAINE: It.
JERRY: He took It, Out?
ELAINE: Yessiree Bob.
JERRY: He couldn't.
ELAINE: He did.
JERRY: (motions of making out) Well you were involved in some sort of amorous...
ELAINE: Noooo.
JERRY: You mean he just
ELAINE: Yes.
JERRY: Are you sure?
ELAINE: Oh quite.
JERRY: There was no mistaking it?
ELAINE: (looks straight into his eyes) Jerry.
JERRY: So you were talking, (Elaine makes an agreement sound "mmm") you're having pleasant conversation, (Elaine makes an agreement sound "mmm") then all of sudden...
ELAINE: Yea.
JERRY: It.
ELAINE: It.
JERRY: Out.
ELAINE: Out.

** If the AT&T store were an old west saloon, this is when the piano player would stop playing. 

*** Piano player resumes music, people start talking, and Miss Kitty considers investing in sarsaparilla futures.