"Says she wanna dance cus she likes the groove" --Young MC

Maybe I'm profiling here.  'Cause I'm going to say something that brands a whole category of people and probably isn't fair.  BUT, I'm saying it.  Because I see it.  I don't want to see it.  But I do see it.  A LOT. 

It isn't that all of them do it, but,... 

And, don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are...

Um, maybe I should just get on with this.

About a week ago, we joined friends at the Bethesda Blues and Jazz Supper Club.   The space is interesting and the food/drink is okay and the bands are enjoyable but what happened... what we witnessed... *shudder*

It's not the club's fault.  Well, it sorta is... they do have that dance floor... 

*deep breath*  Okay.

What is it about middle-aged, white women and bands?  Why do these women insist on dancing, by themselves or with each other, when they can NOT dance?  But, there they were, Cinderella's three ugly stepsisters, lined up in all their gawkiness in front of the stage, getting down. Not one in time with the band.  They weren't even in time with each other.

#1 was doing the "overzealous hip sway with occasional out-of-time clap".

#2 was doing the "step-left-step-right-repeat with your arms up and at odd angles like you are reaching for a light bulb in a closet".

#3 was doing the "'I'm trying to find the beat' toe tap with the wobbly, 270 degree spin around".

WHY?!  Why can't we eradicate this scourge in our lifetime?

At some point in my life, I accepted the fact that I don't have the dance gene.  Wish I did.  I don't.  I moved on.

Questions du jour:  

1. Why can't most middle-aged, white women dance?
2. Why do they insist on dancing anyway?
3. Are they taking Lee Ann Womack's request too literally?
   
   
   

"Karma, karma, karma, karma, Karma Chameleon" --Culture Club

Act 1)  As we enter the Metro car, I notice a woman is sitting in the first seat of a fairly crowded Metro train, in the aisle seat.  No one is in the window seat.  I make eye contact with her, a clear challenge.  Oh, yeah, I'm all over the glaring.  To my surprise, she moves.  That is, she moves her knees, only, out toward the aisle:  the universal symbol for "you can squeeze by me."  I squeeze by her, thinking "maybe she's getting off at the next stop."  Nope.  We travel past half a dozen stops and wind up getting off before her, which means I get to squeeze by her again.  WTF, lady?!  Do you just crave the feel of strangers awkwardly brushing by you?

Act 2)  Karma, I love you.  As we are riding and I am questioning what this chick's problem is, a short man with a messenger bag strapped across his back gets on the train and positions himself with one hand on the vertical bar and the other stretched awkwardly up to the overhead bar, his legs trying to stay planted broadly, a la Larry Craig.  He is stretched out like he's playing Twister.  Or maybe desperate to de-wedgie his underwear without actually using his hands.  Because this would be a hard position to maintain for anyone, much less someone of his shortitude, he is anything but stable, the messenger bag swings wildly behind him and very close to the face of my charming seatmate.  Repeatedly.  The trip gets a lot more entertaining.

Questions du jour (pick any or all): 

1. What is wrong with people?!
2. Does anyone ever play Twister except as an excuse for physical contact?
3. Why did our parents buy Twister?!??  What were they thinking?!
4. Should bags have an indicator to tell the carrier "Hey!!  I'm about to crash into someone!"?
5. Is karma real?

"Dress me, I'm your mannequin" --Lady Gaga

This ad popped up on the interwebs this morning with the tag line: "Make a statement.  Stuart Weiztman." 

What statement? 

"I watch too many gladiator movies"?!

I wonder how these ropey, flat heeled things look when she isn't flexing. 

And losing her blouse.

Question du jour #1:  Are boot/sandles (bandles?) sexy?

On another advertising note, have you seen the HTC Facebook phone commercial where the young woman is in the museum but her Facebook updates are superimposed on everything?  I find this really disturbing.  They seem to be saying:  Even when you are in this fascinating museum, you can be totally disconnected from the amazing things around you, including your date, and just focus on your insular little social media world!   WTF?!  Is she forced to go to the museum?  Maybe she should just stay home on her phone all day. 

Question du jour #2:  How is this selling phones?!  Somebody explain this to me, please!

"I ain't sayin' she a gold digger" --Kanye West

Prior to the presidential election, I decided to support my candidate by making a donation or two to his political party in relation to his campaign.  I was proud that I put my money where my mouth was and pleased with the results.  Now, the election is long over and, like a deadbeat relative, the party continues to ask for money.  All the freakin' time.

Party:  Um, can you spare a few bucks.  I'm kinda short this week.

Party:  Hey, remember how you gave me money a long time ago and how great that was?  Yeah, I need more.

Party:  You know, I wouldn't have to ask for money if the other party wasn't such a jerk.  *cough*

Party: OMG, have you heard what [opposite] party is up to?  Are you outraged?!!!  You should be!!! We won't let them get away with this.  Give me money and I swear we'll stop them.

Party:  So, um, anyway, I don't need a lot of money...

I want to be a good little ideologue and follow the news through the Party's view but I'm hitting the point of unsubscribe me dammit, followed closely by the ever popular cease and desist!  The problem is I foolishly gave Party my address and I fear if I unsubscribe I'll be stalked.  Am I Party's last and only friend?? 


Question du jour:  Ever feel like you need a restraining order just to get rid of someone/something that seemed like a good idea at one point?

"It's so funny how we don't talk anymore..." --Cliff Richard

 In the news...

"RI tops the list for most stressed state in the nation

Posted: Apr 24, 2013 2:52 PM EDT Updated: Apr 24, 2013 2:52 PM EDT

ddequattro@abc6.com
Rhode Islanders experience the least enjoyment in the country and the state ranks number 2 when it comes to the most stressed states.
According to a new Gallup poll released on Wednesday RI is the second most stressed state in the country..."

That news is bound to help the Rhode Islanders feel better, right?

At a more local level in the area of 'Stress inducing or stress relieving? You decide.', I've decided to pursue insanity.  As in:


Yeah, I ordered the Insanity workout off Amazon (half price! yay!!) and am in the third day.  The bad news is that after three days I haven't gotten totally shredded. ;)  The good news is I'm not dead yet.  Bonus:  Shaun T is much more encouraging than Jillian or Tony H.


Question du jour 1:  Have you missed me as much as I've missed you?  (By the way, I LOVE how you're looking these days!!!  Fabulous!  No, I mean it!  You haven't aged a bit!) 

Question du jour 2:  Do news services do more harm than good?

Question du jour 3:  Any other Insaniacs out there?*


* When I was in undergrad I saw a guy walking around with a pin that said "I'm a Manilow maniac!"  Speaking of "about to get your ass kicked..." **

** I kid, Barry.  I kid.