28 May 2013

"Why you have to go and make things so complicated?" --Avril Lavigne

Today we got a new washing machine.  Isn't she lovely?

This became necessary when the old one shook, rattled, did the electric slide into the middle of the room, leaked, and squealed repeatedly.*

This is the simplest, cheapest name brand washing machine we could find with an okay energy rating.

Check it:  4 knobs and a button.  That was the simplest.  I swear.  In addition to a power button on the right, you have:

your 6 "load size" settings, your 6 "temperature" settings, and your 5 "options".  Enough for any one's needs, right?

Apparently not.  Because you also have this:

because how could you live without a Jeans setting?  How did we live without a Jeans setting?  We were animals.

What I really want in a washing machine:
                      Small, medium, large.
                      Hot, warm, cold.
                      Wet, swish, rinse, and spin.

That's it.  The rest is fluff.** 

It's like a blender having a frappe setting.  For all your constant frappe-ing needs.  When it's the same blade in the same container no matter what you set it on.  The only thing changing is the speed.  So, why not have a speed button that goes from 1 to 10 and be done.  Or better yet, 1 to 5.  Or 1 to 3.  Or On and Off!  Life is so damn complicated!!!

Question du jour: How often do you frappe? ***

* Sure, when the baby does it, everyone thinks it's adorable.

** Oh, wait, that's a dryer setting.

***  Do you do it in sight of the neighbors?


Mike said...

I went out and track down a Speed Queen washer and dryer. It's the kind that laundromats use. I hope they last forever.

You have a blender? We had one but I threw it away because we never used it.

the dogs' mother said...

It's like crackers. You used to have just crackers. Now you've got zillions of cracker flavors to choose from.

(of course Tabasco jelly beans are a gift from the gods)

spleeness said...

More important than the ability to frappe is KNOWING I could frappe whenever I wanted. Clearly market research reflects this most basic human need.

Alice said...

oh jeez. mine only has 2 dials (each with three options: small/medium/large and cold/warm/hot). I guess this means it's very old? :)

David Oliver said...

How often do I frappe you ask? Why I'm frapping right now! Oops, I'm sooo confused. So many buttons, so many words...where the heck is Walden's pond and can I wash my clothes in it?

The Bug said...

Why would I ever just do a load of jeans? I only have the 2 pair & although I'm wider than I used to be that's still not a full load! :)

I used to frappe back in the days when I made smoothies for breakfast. But I would have been fine with just setting the thing on warp drive instead of frappe...

lacochran's evil twin said...

Mike: What do you frappe in?

the dogs' mother: Are they? Those popcorn jelly beans are nauseating.

spleeness: This is Amurrica, where frappeing is a right.

Alice: Sounds heavenly, so, yes, it must be completely outdated.

David Oliver: If you wear a big coat, no one will know you're frappeing.

The Bug: :)

ellen kirkendall said...

I love the idea of the special functions but I never actually use them. Just another thing to break, I guess.

lacochran's evil twin said...

ellen kirkendall: I heard a decision theory specialist talking about how we think we want 75 different types of jam to choose from when we're in the grocery store but, in reality, we don't. It's just overwhelming. I'd still prefer to be overwhelmed by jam than by my washing machine.