"Beautiful liar" --Beyonce & Shakira

(Yes, yes, I'm still here. Thanks for putting down some newspapers and a bowl of kibble. Mmm, kibble. By the way, that whole thing about adding water to make a gravy? Pretty much just wet kibble.)

I recently had someone I work with tell me, in confidence, that he really admired Mary, because Mary might hate you and you'd never know it as Mary would give no indication of her true feelings.

I find that bizarre. First, because I've met Mary and liked Mary and worked with Mary many times and now I find myself wondering what the heck she thinks of me. Guess I'll never know for sure. Secondly, the fact that he really admired this trait was more than a little off-putting. At least I had enough political savvy not to share my negative reaction with him. But I wasn't about to agree with him.

The whole thing reminded me of Shakespeare:
"Why, I can smile,
and murder whiles I smile,
And cry 'Content!' to that which grieves my heart,
And wet my cheeks with artificial tears,
And frame my face to all occasions."

Where it is politically expedient to be able to do such a thing, I am not an admirer of all things political. Even in this town. Perhaps if I had developed Mary's capacity for duplicity, I might embrace lying more. Maybe.

But to what end?

I've had someone else tell me that no one sees the real her, except her husband. She told me this with great pride.

I can't relate. I am blunt. I am honest. Sometimes--oh, who am I kidding--often to a fault. Where I do at times exercise discretion, I don't really want to live a life where I'm hiding my thoughts constantly. But maybe that's a naive attitude.

Which brings us to today's question: How honest are you in your day to day life? If you had to put a percentage on it, what would it be? And, finally, if you had the power to be, would you be like Mary?

"I feel the need. The need for speed." -- Maverick

Over time, I've noticed that in men and in cars, I've come to require the same list of non-negotiable things (in no particular order):

• Not girly.
• Not all flash.
• Designed with intelligence.
  
• Tight turning radius.
• Solid.
  
• Agile and responsive.
  
• Able to go from 0 to 60 (or 70 or 80) or 60 to 0 in the blink of an eye.
• Doesn't get all shaky and fall apart if I push the envelope.
• Thrilling.
• Dependably consistent.
• Not jerky.
  

Notice how I didn't mention cup holders? I'm all kinds of classy like that.

Not too much to ask, now is it? It took me a long time to get clear on that but I am.

So, yeah, non-negotiable. You say I'm spoiled. I say I'm clear on objectives. Tomato, tomahto.

Wait, did somebody just call me a tomato? I hate it when I get objectified like that.

The Thanksgiving Miracle (Disaronno follow up)

I'd like to express my gratitude.

I never expected to see change so quickly after my last post.

I have heard a report that the Disaronno people are once again showing the commercial in full. At least that's the rumor. *sniff* I'm so proud of each and every one of you that got out there *sniff**dab* on the picket line *sniff**honk**sniff* in front of your neighborhood liquor store and in front of Disaronno headquarters and brought about this change. *raises fist in air* It is truly a testament to the power of the people. *pumps fist* You *point* have brought back the sexy bartender money shot! Bless you, each and every one!

White Privilege

I took a class last week and learned things that I should have already known about race, power and privilege and how we have institutionalized racism in this country. It was an uncomfortable class to participate in yet I'm glad I was there. It left me feeling impotent. What could I do to improve things?

One thing I can do is find small ways to share the wealth of knowledge I received last week. So here's a small piece of it...

We did an exercise in class around white privilege. That is the idea that merely by being born white in America a person is granted certain privileges that people of color are not. Think not? See for yourself below. Peggy McIntosh wrote about this years ago and not much has changed.

She writes:

Daily effects of white privilege

I decided to try to work on myself at least by identifying some of the daily effects of white privilege in my life. I have chosen those conditions that I think in my case attach somewhat more to skin-color privilege than to class, religion, ethnic status, or geographic location, though of course all these other factors are intricately intertwined. As far as I can tell, my African American coworkers, friends, and acquaintances with whom I come into daily or frequent contact in this particular time, place and time of work cannot count on most of these conditions.

Now think about each statement and see if it applies to you based on your skin color:

I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.

I can avoid spending time with people whom I was trained to mistrust and who have learned to mistrust my kind or me.

If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.

I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.

I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.

I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.

When I am told about our national heritage or about "civilization," I am shown that people of my color made it what it is.

I can be casual about whether or not to listen to another person's voice in a group in which s/he is the only member of his/her race.

I can go into a music shop and count on finding the music of my race represented, into a supermarket and find the staple foods which fit with my cultural traditions, into a hairdresser's shop and find someone who can cut my hair.

Whether I use checks, credit cards or cash, I can count on my skin color not to work against the appearance of financial reliability.

I can be pretty sure that my children's teachers and employers will tolerate them if they fit school and workplace norms; my chief worries about them do not concern others' attitudes toward their race.

I can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty or the illiteracy of my race.

I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.

I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world's majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.

I can criticize our government and talk about how much I fear its policies and behavior without being seen as a cultural outsider.

I can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to the "person in charge", I will be facing a person of my race.

If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven't been singled out because of my race.

I can easily buy posters, post-cards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys and children's magazines featuring people of my race.

I am not made acutely aware that my shape, bearing or body odor will be taken as a reflection on my race.

I can be late to a meeting without having the lateness reflect on my race.

I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help, my race will not work against me.

I can expect figurative language and imagery in all of the arts to testify to experiences of my race.

I can chose blemish cover or bandages in "flesh" color and have them more or less match my skin.

Many more statements and more about this topic can be found at:

http://seamonkey.ed.asu.edu/~mcisaac/emc598ge/Unpacking.html