12 March 2012

"The first time ever I saw your face..." --Roberta Flack (and a million others)

I frequent a few different quick lunch places near workplace # 1.  Not fast food per se ("Ew."  "Seriously."  "That is so gross.") but some of the slightly better-for-you versions that I can purchase in five minutes and wolf down in three.  Yes, I'm a wolfer.  You're picturing me wolfing right now, aren't you?  Garsh, I'm purty.  

Speaking of purty, at one of these places, there is an employee with a mole the size of Nebraska on his face.  It's BIG.  Bigger than the mole in Austin Power's Goldmember (pictured here).  Seriously.  Easily triple the size.  It's distracting.  And unappetizing.  (Are there appetizing moles?  Or would those be beauty marks?)

Now, I'm more than a bit bespeckled myself so I get that this is not something that someone wants or chooses for themselves.  And if I was sporting anything close to this on my face, I'd be hightailing it to my dermatologist/plastic surgeon, even if I had to hit up a loan shark to finance it.

Judge me harshly if you must but my question is, based solely on this holy moley! fact:  Should this man be working in food service? 

07 March 2012

"What a drag it is getting old" --Rolling Stones


I will be turning 50 on March 16th.  Since I don't have a lot positive to say about that fact, I'll let the interwebs do my talking on why it's good to be 50...

The 50-ish wife comes up to her husband and says, 'So, Harvey. What do you think of my new bra-less look? Does it make me look younger?'

'It does!' Harvey says. 'It pulls all the wrinkles out of your face!'

The Perks of Being Over 50

  1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

  2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

  3. You sing along with elevator music.

  4. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

  5. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

  6. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

  7. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

  8. Things you buy now won't wear out.

  9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.

  10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

  11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

  12. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

  13. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

  14. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

  15. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

  16. Your eyes won't get much worse.

  17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

  18. You can't remember where you saw this list.

  19. I've always heard how age doesn't show on men like it does on women.  Uh...


    Question du jour:  Is age "just a number" or life's little way of bringing Nelson Muntz to life?