07 September 2010

"I want to be high, so high" --Lionel Richie

I am a live-and-let-live kind of person when it comes to sexual proclivities. If it involves consenting adults, and the penguin enjoys it, I say, fine. However, there is one particular act that I can't wrap my head around. I can accept that other people do it but I just can't figure out why. I speak, of course, of the Mile High Club.

I understand the intense desire to be with someone right now! I get the idea of wanting to whisk that someone off to a private place. And I know you can only peruse the Sky Mall catalog so many times. But, really, is there any place less sexy than an airplane bathroom?

6 Reasons Why I Won't be Joining the Mile High Club:

  1. The line. There are always people waiting to use the bathroom and they're often standing in the aisle. Do you really want to be in there shagging while little Billy is just outside screaming that he HAS TO POO?
  2. The lack of turning radius. The space is hard enough to maneuver in if you are one average-sized person, much less two people trying to do the hokey pokey.
  3. Push handles. The push handles on the sink mean you're likely to have more than one unintended wet spot.
  4. Dinging lights. You know that every time you go into one of those bathrooms, the "return to seat" light flashes and dings because there's turbulence. Clarence may be getting his wings but do you really need these kinds of distractions when you've just, uh, made a tight connection?
  5. The smell. 'Nuff said.
  6. Talk about "sticking the dismount." Do you really want to exit the lavatory to thunderous applause?

Questions du jour: What am I missing here? Is the Mile High Club a sexy thing or not? And, are you a member or would you consider joining?


Titania said...

Somehow I always thought it was a myth. Because seriously, who is *that* desperate?

The Bug said...

Even 40 pounds ago I couldn't figure out the logistics. I would have been MUCH more likely to have a quickie in the seats of an almost empty flight from London to Lusaka. I had the whole row to myself - 8 seats! That would have actually been comfortable. Had there been anyone to shag. Oh, & if I hadn't been on a mission trip :)

Kate said...

I'm more into things you can do under the blanket on your lap.

Mac and Cheese said...

In my fantasy, I'm on a private jet, so no washroom required.

suicide_blond said...

mac said it all.....

Mike said...

I think it's about the membership, not the act.

6 - no

Cyndy said...

I would much rather be a member of the club that does it on a private jet than those people who supposedly have success in the bathroom in coach. YUCK! The smell would get to me.

Kate said...

I haven't been in an airplane bathroom since the '90s. And I fly several times a year. Needless to say, I won't be joining the club anytime soon.

I wanted to mention that I don't think I know the Lionel Richie song you're referring to, but I know the Cypress Hill one quite well. :)

Liebchen said...

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it, but I think it's mostly the thrill of the fantasy. Logistically it just seems difficult.

NG said...

I must admit, I don't get the allure either. Actually, the thought kinda skeeves me out a bit, which is often detrimental to... well... you know.

Vittoria said...

reality of it is gross, but fantasy of it is exciting. i think i will give someone a blow job under a blanket some time and call it a day.

Cynthia said...

As a mom who is now taking little Billy *in* to poo, trust me, you also don't want to be joining the club after his stinky little fanny's been rolling around all over the changing table the covers the whole space.

Alice said...

i *want* to like the idea of it, because it sounds so racy, but OMG NO. NO NO NO. those bathrooms are so scary. i'm very much NOT a germaphobe and i sit right on the toilet seat rather than squatting, but even i don't like touching anything more than necessary in those bathrooms, and CERTAINLY not with any dainty parts that might be exposed during sexytime.

brad said...

Not a member. And the publicity/obviousness and smell are probably going to mean it never happens for me too.

But that idea up there about a private jet...

Brutalism said...

Oh, hell no.

A few years back when I was a crazy twenty-something and had spent the day drinking at a very popular horse race in Virginia, our group could not find one of the friends that came with us when it was time to go home. We looked all over for her...and finally found her...HOOKING UP WITH SOME GUY IN A PORT-A-POTTY.

I am still not over that.

Nor could I remain friends with her. She will forever be the port-a-potty hookup girl.

Ms Smitten said...

oh I don't know.. the forbidden, unusual and 'might be discovered' has it's attraction. Then again, in these prurient times don't we get arrested for indecency or something? hmm. maybe legging it into the first quiet corner betwixt landing and customs is the way to go?

Pauline said...

Spontaneous sex=Great
Sex in a lavatory=Gross
Sex in a lavatory on a plane=Inconsiderate and gross

Air planes and airports by their very nature are often uncomfortable, claustrophobic experiences, so no, sex in them is not good.
If you do it on the 24th floor of a hotel, technically you joined the mile high club too right? I mean, that should be high enough.

Pauline said...

(Sorry, I accidently hit the wrong button) The rest of my comment: It would have to be the 24 floor of the tallest hotel in the world, but still high is high.

Alex said...

airplane bathrooms are incredibly gross... and in these post-911 times, you'd probably end up arrested and on CNN if you tried this. I think a private jet is key.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Titania: I've never met anyone who admitted to doing it but who's to say?

The Bug: 8 seats!? Luxury!

Kate: Why, Kate! That's one way to drive people to your site. :)

Mac and Cheese, suicide_blond, Cyndy, brad: That would work better, yes.

Mike: Wait? Are you talking about members or... members?

Kate: It's all good.

Liebchen, Alice: So many things seem better in our heads.

NG: I know!

Vittoria: Why, Vittoria! That's one way to drive people to your site! :)

Cynthia: Ew.

Brutalism: Port-o-potty?! UGH! Unbelievable.

Ms Smitten: Seems wiser. A little.

Pauline: I don't know if that counts or not. Perhaps we should consult the by laws/schedule a meeting of club members to discuss?

Alex: You don't want to come out of there facing a sky marshall's pistol. Check.

GreenCanary said...

Doing it in a plane bathroom is a sure-fire way to catch eColi. In your hoo-ha.