20 June 2010

"With love from me to you" --The Beatles


[Now that's love.]



Green Canary writes about finding her beau's love notes from a previous relationship. Since work is driving me right around the bend, I thought I'd glom onto her topic because, let's face it, originality is so 2009.

So, tell me, purveyors of internet truth:

Should you keep or get rid of old love letters and smoochy cards from ex-canoodlers?

What about stuffed animals?
Boudoir outfits? Kitchen appliances? Jewelry? Cars? STDs?

20 comments:

The Bug said...

I apparently had sucky exes because I have none of those things (because I never got them). The only thing I have is a picture of a guy from college - it's an 8x10 that he made himself (he was the school photographer). I think it's so cheesy that I keep it.

He was also the guy who, before he opened his Christmas present from me, said, "I hope it's not a sweater because that's what all girls give their boyfriends." It was a sweater. I have no memory of what (if anything) he gave me.

Jamie said...

I think it depends on the person. I think those mementos are pretty awesome if you (and any future companion) are able to see them as part of a diary of your life, and not as a symbol of something that you haven't moved on from. If having those things is going to interfere with your ability to free up that emotional space for someone else then it's a problem.

I guess I'd say for most people, if you keep them, box them up and lose them in such a way that you won't see them except when cleaning out the attic in a decade...

So I think it depends a lot on the person. But either way, that love note you posted in the picture is the best thing I have ever seen.

Mike said...

Yes ..... or no.

FoggyDew said...

I've kept cards, letters and pictures from past relationships. I see no problem in remembering good things. I'm sure there is a point where it might get to be a problem, but that's far in the distance.

I will say, in the past, when I've bought girlfriends lacy, frilly, sexy things from Victoria's Secret I did want those back. Never did get them, but there's just something about another guy enjoying them that kinda irks me.

Ibid said...

I had a voice mail that I didn't delete for a couple of years. One of my nosy neighbor kids managed to do that for me.

Sadako said...

Only keep chlamydia if the guy/girl who gave it to you is really hot. Otherwise...share the gift.

No, I keed. I'm not sure how I feel about keeping letters to be honest...hmmm. Good question.

spleeness said...

I keep them. I haven't looked at any of them *since* actually being in a relationship with said person (I'm not even totally sure where they are, in some cases) but I definitely keep them.

Alice said...

i've received some pretty sweet gifts that, um, i am not willing to part with: my ipod, my drumkit, the cd player in my car... i apparently date good gift givers :-)

the lingerie one is tricky. if it reminds me of a dude (or, uh, a particular "event") i'll nix it. if it's just something i think looks hot on me without really being tied to a specific guy, hell yeah i'm keeping it.

i, uh, don't really have any notes though. apparently my exes express their love through drums and ipods...

Barbara said...

Those old love letters are a way of letting your children know who you really were. I found my mother's. I wish I could talk to her about them now.

Liebchen said...

I've kept cards, stuffed animals, jewelry, etc. The lingerie...if I've bought it for a specific guy (and actually worn it for him), well, that might go. Unless I really really like it.

Kate said...

I don't keep a lot of stuff, but I do keep a couple things -- a few pictures, a few letters and a few other random items. I think it used to bug my husband back when we were first dating, but it doesn't seem to bother him now that we've been together for a number of years. Sometimes it's just nice to look back on happy times with something tangible.

Jess said...

I've kept the sweet notes from past boyfriends... but they are buried in the back of various closets and desks.

With gifts, it depends... on utility, I suppose? My iPhone and DVD player are no longer associated with the former loves who gave them to me. But I can't break the association to a guy and wear jewelery or clothing that he gave to me.

Mel said...

I have a great necklace that an ex gave me that I really want to wear b/c I really like it, but I can't break the association, so it sits in my jewelry box.

My ex had a kid that I was really close with and I still have some of the pictures of the kid, but none of my ex.

Vittoria said...

this is remarkably well timed (ehem), and i'm struggling with what to do. in the past, i've kept letters and mementos (you know, like a dried corsage or something) which are all stored in a big box (along with other letters and trinkets) in my parents' basement. but now that i have serious things, like a beautiful necklace and lingerie that reminds me of something, i'm just not sure what to do.

the necklace i will keep, and hope that in about a year i can start wearing it again. the lingerie may be passed on - not like, the nighties that i bought when we first started dating because all i had were ratty t-shirts. but the thing i bought just for him, i can't imagine wearing for someone else.

that was a long comment. whoops.

Reya Mellicker said...

The stuffed animals must definitely go.

As for the rest of it, including the letters, it really depends on how it makes you feel. If it makes you feel cheerful or gives you a giggle, or reminds you of feeling strong love, then by all means, hang on. But if it brings a bitter feeling into your heart, a metallic taste into your mouth, send that stuff straight to the landfill.

I have a strong opinion because this is exactly what I'm doing these days. Getting rid of or hanging on to. Yeah.

Cyndy said...

I have mixed feelings about this. I used to be reasonably sentimental about stuff but I was forced to let a lot go. Now I'm sitting here with boxes of stuff that I apparently don't really need since I haven't unpacked them for almost three months. I can't just take the stuff to the dump because there might be some precious mementos from the past five years buried in those boxes. I think I just talked myself into finishing the unpacking!

repliderium.com said...

My rule is that if I am friends with the ex I keep nothing- no point- their still my friend. If they're not my friend I only keep things that Steve and I can read and laugh about. Nothing more mature than some good old fashioned mocking.

Felisa said...

I think it definitely depends on a person's personal experience with the ex and what emotions those souvenirs elicit.

Personally? I try to get rid of almost everything... I'm very sentimental and sometimes to be able to move on, I HAVE to throw stuff away.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Wow, I'm amazed how many people are all "keep the shmoop!" Me, I'd rather make my current shmoop-maker happy than reminisce over shmoop gone by. But, that's what makes you all so fascinating to me.

Don't ever change.

Or do.

Whatever.

GreenCanary said...

I'm surprised over all of the "keep the shmoop," too. I'm with repliderium. If that person is still in your life in some way, by all means get rid of the stuff. Personal aside: Yo! Boyfriend! Your current girlfriend feels a little weird finding love letters from a girl you still talk to. A girl you saw naked. And a girl who wants to come visit you because her life is currently "out of sorts." That's just code for "I need to see someone who once loved me so that I can feel loved again." Current girlfriend says, "Uh... no way, jose."

But that's me and the situation I'm in.

From the opposite perspective, I haven't kept mementos from past relationships (in particular one significant relationship) because that was my life then, not now. For me, hanging on to an old love, even if it's in a short note written years ago, is gleaning sustenance from something that doesn't exist anymore.

But items like cameras and such... keep, by all means. They serve a purpose outside of the emotion of the past relationship. But love notes, stuffed animals, and the like, their purpose is to make you reminisce and remember how you felt back then, and that's not good for your current relationship.