"In the fast lane and I won't change" --Fergie

On Wednesday, I zip in to the dry cleaners and I find myself parked between two average cars, both with tinted windows. And I can't help but think: Why the tint? Planning on committing a few crimes later in the day?

On Thursday, I pull up at a traffic light and notice the pickup truck next to me. I notice it because, where I am idling behind the car in front of me, they, in the "fast lane", are idling behind two-and-a-half car lengths of nothing, which is behind the car in front of them.

I look over. They're just sitting and staring straight ahead as if this is normal. It's not like the car ahead of them is spewing clouds of vileness. So, why the gap? Why?

Anyway, I'm staring at this pickup wondering WTF? (as well as WTG?) and I notice under the passenger-side window is the word "FABULOUS" in 3 inch letters. Just the one word. Like someone saw it in a magazine, cut it out, and glued it to the cab door. Really, that's what it looks like. I tilt my head, doggy style*, and look at this FABULOUS couple.

These have to be the least FABULOUS people I've ever seen. I mean it. They're middle-aged, lumpish, unattractive, and sloppy. It's not even like they're glamming it up in hopes of achieving FABULOUS with the limited gifts god gave them.

And, yet... there's that word... FABULOUS.

But then, as I watch, as if to disprove my thoughts, AND I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE, the woman in the passenger seat, who has no makeup on and an expression that screams Tampax, takes out a small mirror and a pair of tweezers. She starts plucking hairs from her chin in the bright sunshiny, rush hour traffic.

I think: Fabulous.

Then, I think: Clearly, I've misjudged them. She, at least, cares enough to pluck the hairiness.**

And, finally: Why don't THESE people have tinted windows?

Which brings us to the questions du jour... Please educate me: 1) Why do average people tint their car windows? 2) Why do people refuse to snug up in traffic? 3) Why would someone put the word FABULOUS on their vehicle door?

I'd ask what is too ridiculous in terms of grooming in cars but this story kinda says it all.





* That's what that means, right?

* The original but rejected Hallmark slogan.