Kickin' It Martha Style--or Not

I own one Martha Stewart cookbook. It's called "Entertaining" and the copyright reads 1982.*

It is divided into different entertaining events: "Midnight Omelette Supper for Thirty", "A Chinese Banquet for Ten to Twelve", "Afternoon Cocktail Reception for Fifty", "Sit Down Country Luncheon for One Hundred Seventy-Five", and so on. If you have ever looked at a Martha Steward cookbook, you know I am not making these titles up.

I am not known for my fabulous cooking. I have no ambitions to cater large events. But I have made a few of the simpler recipes from this cookbook.

For example, I have made "Snow Peas with St. André".** The ingredients list reads: snow peas, cheese (she suggests St. André or Boursin or Boursault) and fresh mint (optional). That's right. Three ingredients and one of them is optional. That's the level of cooking I can get behind.

It wasn't entirely without a curve ball: I have never heard of St. André or Boursault outside of this cookbook and I like cheese. A lot. They may really exist. (It's possible.) But Boursin! Boursin, I know. It is a garlic/herbed cheese spread you can get at the regular old grocery store (and eat with crackers if you don't have the snow peas and/or mint (optional)). So, yeah, I had to read beyond the title. It was challenging but I did it. I made this recipe and people liked it. They did!

Here's a recipe I will not be making: Coulibiac of Bass. It's on page 148. This may be an awesome dish. I couldn't tell you. I've never actually read the recipe because I can't get past the first sentence of the introduction that Martha provides. It reads: "This is a complicated recipe but if you allow 2 days for preparation you will feel less rushed."

I can barely parse that so let's break it down:

Complicated. It's complicated for Martha, mistress of the ridiculously complex.

2 days. It requires 2 days in Martha time. Can you imagine?

Less rushed. Martha starts 2 days ahead and she feels less rushed.

I get nauseous just reading that sentence.



* Please refrain from adding a comment which reads "1982? I wasn't even born then!" I know I'm old and decrepit and Martha is even more so. We don't need you rubbing it in.

** Sounds fancy, no?