09 February 2011

"I should have left my phone at home 'cause this is a disaster" --Lady Gaga

A few months back, I took one of these:
and did this sort of thing to it:I wish I could tell you I was in a Naomi Campbell rage and flung it at my assistant. But, alas, I just knocked it off a counter onto a hard floor.* Damn that gravity thing. I thought about living with it for 30 seconds--the broken smart phone, I mean, I'm still not keen on gravity.** Spiderweb effects are nice, doncha think? All Halloweeny. But I kinda wanted to use my smart phone without tweezering chips of glass out of my fingertip. Hey, if I'm gonna get into cutting, I'll do it on my terms.

I had insurance on the phone and, fifty dollars later *gulp*, got a beautiful replacement phone.

So, fast forward to this past Sunday. I wake up and it occurs to me that I should probably charge my phone. I was using it the night before on the way to my car after a party. I seek. I no find. I check the purse. The coat. The desk. The refrigerator. The car. Under the sofa. My jeans. The bathroom. Basically, everywhere I can think of to look, whether it makes sense or not.

It is nowhere. ARGGGHHHH! I don't want to spend another $50.

Hubs and I play this game for a while:

Him: I'll just call it.
Me: The ringer isn't on.
Me: Too much noise.
Me: You know what? Go ahead. Call. Good idea.

We take a drive into the city and take a lovely morning walk along the four blocks between where I parked my car Saturday night and where the party was. No phone.

We go home and search all those same places again. Because, it'll totally be there this time. Not.

And then the Hubs has a brilliant idea. GPS! We can locate it via satellite! Sure enough, we fire up the computer and pull up the app and enter the phone number. It brings up a lovely circle centered on the front of our house. Huzzah! The phone isn't downtown! It's right here! ...Somewhere.

We redouble our search efforts. We check the bushes between the garage and the front door. We look behind curtains. (The great and powerful Oz doesn't know where my phone is, either.)

Hubs to the rescue once again: Take the car. I'll check the app. If it follows you, we know the phone is in the car.

So I did. And he did. And it did. And it was! Turns out, the phone was wedged way under the passenger seat. Luckily, it's black, which blends in very well down there.

Happy ending. I get to keep my fifty bucks and my phone this time. ***

Something sort of related that I've been wondering for a while: Is it reasonable to store a cell phone in your cleavage?

* Plus, Hubs isn't into titles.

** Did I mention I turn 49 next month?

*** I went ahead and turned the ringer on. *shrug* ****

On the lowest setting. Shh. Don't tell Hubs.


froggy said...

Daughter is terrible about charging and turning on her phone. I'm thinking about putting a gps device in her head!

AbbotOfUnreason said...

"Is it reasonable to store a cell phone in your cleavage?" Depends on who gets to answer the phone.

I'm supposed to be a geek so I hate asking this question, but: did you have to turn something on for that gps search to work? 'Cause if not, I'm scared.

Zandria said...

OH MY GOD! That is hilarious! And also scary! I'm so glad you found it.

I can completely relate, because the exact same thing happened to me. I used to have an iPhone, and then I lost it -- except I didn't have the tracking software you did. So I switched to using my BlackBerry (work-issued) exclusively, and canceled my iPhone service. Two months later, I hit the brakes in my car…and out popped the iPhone into the floorboard of my passenger seat. It had been wedged somewhere. (And if I had the tracking software like you did, I would have known where to concentrate my efforts!) I ended up not turning the service back on because I liked my Verizon service better…but still. These things are good to know. :)

Mike said...

They should make a phone with a cord on it that attaches to something so you can't lose it.

Lemon Gloria said...

If I had big enough boobs to store a phone between them, I totally would. I'm going to fixate on this for a while now. Thanks.

The Bug said...

Yeah, the boob storage wouldn't really work for me unless I didn't care if people could see it. Maybe that's the point? I'm too old to understand it :)

That's great that you were able to use excellent detective skills to find the phone!

Vivian said...

That's pretty much what God made boobs for, storing things. I mean, come on. :)

Felisa said...

Oh the beauty of apps. I would've never found it if I were you!

Oh and unless your boobs are hard as rocks, the phone will not stay in your cleavage. It also won't stay in your bra. Or if it does, unless your boobs are big enough to lose things in, you will have a very distinct phone-shaped bulge. Trust me -- I've tried.

Gilahi said...

I have no trouble with titles. It's just that "assistant" doesn't really sit well with me. "God's Gift to Women"... now that's a title I can live with.

Bowie Mike said...

Great analytical skills!

I'm still in the dark ages with my 5-year old BlackBerry. Do tell more about the GPS app.

Raquel's World said...

Yipee! Great job Matlock! I did not even know you could do that with those phones!

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

Awesome problem solvng Hubs!

imgonnabreakyourheart said...

Hilarious. As someone who often "loses" her phone in her coat pocket, I find this genius.

Titania said...

That was very funny( and I thought *I* was drunk on Saturday!;-)). Phone among the boobs..... hmmmm, no, I don;t think so.... but have never tried

Drama Queen said...

That SO sounds like something I would do - I'm happy you found it! And smart thinking! :)

I turn 49 in June...is this a foreshadowing of what is to come??!! :)

Liebchen said...

I admit: we used to do the boob storage thing in college, out at a party or what have you. But it also worked a lot better when phones were smaller - like the little flip ones.

Mac and Cheese said...


Mac and Cheese said...

...and could you please direct me to that app?

lacochran's evil twin said...

For all those who have been asking about the app: AT&T offers FamilyMap (http://familymap.att.com) and it provides great precision (it found my phone within yards!) and you can try it for 30 days for free (assuming you're on AT&T). There are also free apps out there that might or might not be just as good. I believe your phone must be on (no dead battery) for it to work but I'm not even sure of that. Yes, people, for better or worse, you are trackable by your cell phone.

Alex said...

I cannot get past the idea of boob phone storage.

Pauline said...

Yay for technology! As for the question, sure you can store things in your cleavage. I'm sure the Hubby, would find it it more fun to search for things in there than around the house! ;)

spleeness said...

haha, I'm so glad you found it!! My ex once found his phone (luckily the ringer was on) embedded in a mess of wet coffee grounds in the trash by the back door about to go out. We'd had company that morning and they had an accident with the coffee maker and somehow, while cleaning, wiped the contents of the counter mess along with the phone right into the trash. That's the down side of having a camouflaging counter, lol.

I leave my ringer off all the time too. ::turnsitonnow::

mylittlebecky said...

is there any other place to store it? i mean? cell phone and cleavage are like peanut butter and jelly, meant to be!

Vittoria said...

instead of "tweezering" i read "twittering" and that worked too.

glad you found it!

GreenCanary said...

Totally reasonable to store your phone in your cleavage. I store everything in there: dropped movie theater popcorn, M&M's, potato chip crumbs, etc.

Cyndy said...

Yeah, if someone gets hungry they know where to go! I could fit my phone in there too if I wanted to. I'd rather have it vibrating in my pocket though.

ellen said...

Down the side of the passenger seat is where I find everything - phones, credit cards, wallets, glasses. I don't know why I ever look anywhere else. Glad you didn't have to pay again.

Alice said...

um yeah. my cleavage is not.. uh.. "robust" enough to hold a phone in there :)

Maxie said...

I always put my phone in my cleavage, but make sure you do it on the side... if you try to put it BETWEEN it will just slip through (just ask lilu, she's notorious for this one)

Also, I've actually maxed out my insurance, so if I lose my blackberry again this year I have to pay full price. GULP. Ugh.

Kate said...

Cleavage phone in a baggie whilst jogging. Yes. I've done it.

lacochran's evil twin said...

froggy: A microchip, at least, for easy tracking.

AbbotofUnreason: Well played. And, no, I didn't.

Zandria: Glad you were happy with the outcome, regardless. :)

Mike: Brilliant!

Lemon Gloria: De nada.

The Bug: Being married to Columbo is good but I wish he'd ditch the wrinkly raincoat once in a while.

Vivian: Huh! Thanks for cluing me in.

Felisa: Sounds like you've done extensive experimentation!

Gilahi: [ ]

Bowie Mike: Done.

Raquel's World: Freaky, right?

The Maiden Mettalurgist: He is handy. ;)

imgonnabreakyourheart: Save the monthly fee--check your pocket. :)

Titania: You were, Dear. You were.

Drama Queen: No doubt.

Liebchen: Good point.

Mac and Cheese: I was impressed.

and Mac and Cheese: Done.

lacochran's evil twin: Wow, thanks for sharing that insightful comment!

Alex: Oh, there are much stranger places to store a phone.

Pauline: Has he been talking to you?

spleeness: Lucky you didn't have a trash compactor. Do people still have those?

mylittlebecky: There are other places. Less comfortable, but there are.

Vittoria: Thanks!

GreenCanary: :) Me, too. My mum and sister used to joke about "the shelf".

Cyndy: You know where the vibration serves you best.

ellen: It's true. I should just write "check side/under passenger seat" on my calendar weekly.

Alice: Thanks for weighing in.

Maxie: GULP! I hope you hold onto it.

Kate: Is there anything you haven't done? :)

Maya said...

Thanks for the laugh! I wish I had enough cleavage to store a cell phone there!