16 April 2010

Assorted Flotsam



  • Can we all agree that Whitney Houston sang the National Anthem better than anyone ever has or ever will, and for anyone else to sing it is a crime? No, really. It should be illegal. Everyone else, at best, falls pathetically short and, more often, butchers it. I say, from now on, at baseball games, they just project Whitney on the Jumbotron. Done. Who's with me?
  • There are long yellow lights in these parts but they're not infinite. Why is it that when we wind up running a red light, we feel better when someone runs it worse behind us? And, around here, 90% of the time, someone does. As if our illegal behavior is somehow less illegal than theirs.
  • One of the local places to see big names in music has been renamed. It was bad enough when you were going to see someone perform at the Nissan Pavilion but, now, you have the honor of having friendship-ending conversations like this one:
Friend: They're awesome! I saw them two years ago at Madison Square Garden.

You: I know! I just saw them! They were amazing!

Friend: Really? Where did you see them?

You: *mumble**cough**mumble*

Friend: What did you say?

You, unable to make eye contact: I saw them at Jiffy Lube Live.

Ex-friend: *turns and walks away*
  • There are two kinds of Scrabble players in the world. Those that time their moves, memorize the Scrabble dictionary, and hoard "u"s and those that don't. The two types should never, ever play together. Nothing. Not even hopscotch.
  • Here's the scenario. You're trying to eat reasonably healthy. This may be because you know you will be on a tropical beach in a few weeks wearing very little. You order a sandwich and instead of the chips that come with it, you pay the extra money for a small salad. Your order comes. There, in your order, is the bag of chips. You complain that you were supposed to get a small salad in place of the chips. The clerk tells you he's given you both. Do you a) keep and eat the chips? b) keep the chips but do not eat them? c) politely give the chips back? or d) have the biggest hissy-fit Atlanta Bread Company has ever seen?
And remember: blahblahGiveawayblahblah.

17 comments:

The Bug said...

Whitney just makes my dad sad - he says she has SO MUCH potential & just pisses it away (he doesn't actually use the word piss).

I totally feel righteous (and horrified) when someone runs the light even worse behind me.

I have nothing to say about Jiffy Lube or Scrabble - although I agree with you about both of them!

I would give the chips back. Or maybe keep them & take them home to my husband. Or maybe eat them. It depends on where I am on my healthy eating journey.

Kate said...

I would take the chips and eat them. Obviously a sign from God.

Barbara said...

You always eat the chips -- always -- saying "It was meant to be." I can't even buy chips because I can never stop at a reasonable number.

It is so true that not one but multiple cars follow me through any very orangeish-red light -- always!

Sean said...

The new nickname for Nissan Pavilion has to be "The Lube," right?

Lori said...

Hahah Jiffy Lube Live, sounds like my kind a place.

And d)- hissy fit. I love a good hissy fit "Don't you people know I'm on a freaking diet!!!!???" *throw chips and storm out*

Mike said...

Awesome Whitney performance. But my sister saw Huey Lewis and the News do it. Said it was the best she ever heard.

So I check Google. Nothing! But I did find "Do you believe in love" which is now in my favorites. Thanks!

Herb of DC said...

Poor Whitney--crack is whack!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI2-DoRqSCA

kansasmediocrity said...

I had an experience that tops Whitney's performance!
Several years ago, I traveled to NY City with our high school's 'show choir'. We visited ground zero, and the little church there that was spared by the really old trees there in the graveyard outside. The church is the oldest public building in NYC, and George Washington was inaugurated there.
Anyway.....
the group sang the Star Spangled Banner there at the head of the church.
NOT A DRY EYE IN THE ROOM>

Tinksfairy said...

I couldn't agree more with everything you said...especially about Scrabble. How do you feel about the new allowance of pronouns? And impending self-loathing or not, I would definitely eat the chips.

Schmidty said...

You ignore the chips. Pretend like they're not there. Really hurt their fatty potato feelings. Send mental images to them of you in a skimpy something on the beach. Show them mental sex scenes too, if you need to drag out the big guns.

Agree w/you on Whitney. No one comes close.

Re running red lights and faux moral high grounds ....yes, sometimes they're delicious. :)

I'm the other kind of scrabble player. Life is less stressful that way, don't you think? And fun, too.

Matt said...

In Denver we have a stadium named after Dicks Sporting goods...

called Dicks field.

So, there's that.

LiLu said...

Give the chips back, but perhaps not so politely, because DON'T THEY KNOW I AM A CRAZY WOMAN ON A DIET?!?!?!!

*breathes*

Kate said...

Jiffy Lube Live? For REALZ? Guess it shouldn't surprise me that Live Nation is involved in that hot mess.

Alice said...

SERIOUSLY. I KNOW. JIFFY MOTHEREFFING LUBE LIVE. i plan to call it nissan pavilion for the rest of my life.

blueviolet said...

Ha! You're so right...I always feel better if the person behind me goes through the light too!

As for the chips, I keep 'em but not eat 'em!

Reya Mellicker said...

WHitney is, to me, kind of scary. But she is a good singer.

As for the chips and sandwich, jettison the bread, eat the chips. At least that's what I would do.

lacochran said...

The Bug: Apparently Whitney has hit an all time low. (As pointed out by Herb of DC and others.)

Kate: :) God moves in mysterious ways.

Barbara: I am the same way with peanut butter. It's banned from the house.

Sean: *shudder*

Lori: I like your style.

Mike: You're welcome?

Herb of DC: Pathetic.

kansasmediocrity: Awwww.

Tinksfairy: It feels wrong to me. Just so wrong. (The new Scrabble not the chips.)

Schmidty: Absolutely!

Matt: Unfrickingbelievable. Maybe Dick's and the Lube could get together and...

LiLu: You've tapped into the emotion, for sure. Told Hubs, you want thin and cranky or fat and happy? He wisely declined to answer.

Kate: I couldn't make this up.

Alice: I'm with you.

blueviolet: You can do that? I bow to your superior will power.

Reya Mellicker: She was. And the bread? The best part.