21 February 2012

Assorted Flotsam

Two stupid things that taste great together...

1.  An open apology to the woman I didn't know at the President's Day gathering:

Me, finishing my first beer:  You look familiar.  Have we met before?

Her:  I don't think so.  I haven't been hanging out with these guys much until just recently.

Me, puzzled:  You really look familiar...

Friend:  Maybe you know each other through work?

Her:  I work at the [her workplace].

Me:  No, no, ...no.  Huh.  I could have sworn I've seen you before.  Maybe in my dreams.

*awkward pause all around*

Yeah, apparently, that was me hitting on you accidentally.  I meant to say "Maybe I'm dreaming" or "Maybe I dreamed it" but, no, I said "Maybe in my dreams".  Like I should be so lucky.  Like You're my dream girl.

Like, um, no.

So, yeah, sorry.  I'm sure you're a lovely person and your significant other, who was sitting right next to you, is a lucky fella, but I didn't actually mean to say you are my fantasy gal.

That would be Salma Hayek.

Question Uno:  What's the most inappropriate thing you've ever said by accident?  

2.  The metro cat theory...You know how every stairwell in every DC Metro station has that uber-pungent urine smell?  I think this is because Metro intentionally adds the pee smell to ensure people don't loiter in the stairwells.  Further, I'm convinced no human could create that kind of super strong urine smell.  It has to be a cat.  Because cat urine?  That's a FOREVER smell.  So, there must be some cat that Metro hires to pee in every stairwell.   But there are so many cats that COULD do the job.  Worthy cats.  Urine-rich cats.  Tough-minded "We don't need no stinkin' kitty litter" cats.

Question Dos:  How do they choose the Metro cat?