Mercury Marauder

I was on the road yesterday evening when I was passed by a Mercury Marauder. That's right, a Marauder.

I imagine the Ford sales and marketing meeting that brought this gem into being...

"We're doing fair with most demographics but we just can't seem to make any headway with the pillagers."

"Yeah, our numbers are weak on the plunderers, too."

"If only we could find some way to appeal to roving bands of ne'er-do-wells..."

"Hmm, how about THE MARAUDER?!"

"I like it! It's edgy yet traditional... violent in a classy, historical way..."

"Maybe we can throw in a free mace in place of the cupholder..."

A few months later, across town, the Chevy people hold a similar meeting...

"Have you heard about the Mercury Marauder? We've got to get on this--NOW!"

"We've always appealed to a younger, hipper, more urban crowd than those Ford dweebs. We can do this!"

"All right... let's all think..."


Let's face it... it's only a matter of time until we see the Chevy Looter on the road.

Penn Jillette on the radio

http://www.pennradio.com

Am I the last person to know that Penn Jillette is on the radio with a phone-in show? I thought he was entertaining when I saw his show in Baltimore with Teller. How delighted am I to hear he's on the radio now. The down side: In DC he doesn't come on until 7 p.m. So clearly if I'm hearing him on my commute home, I'm working too dang late. The upside: He's funny and pleasant and clearly a very bright fella. JoeBob says "Check it out!"

Movie Review: "Last Holiday" except for 10 minutes (no spoilers)/Normally I like my satellite

Normally I'm very happy with my Dish satellite system but the other night we rented "Last Holiday" with Queen Latifah on pay-per-view and were enjoying it when the signal got lost for 1/2 an hour. The good deal about pay-per-view is when you rent it, you rent if for the day. So if you want to watch the movie three times in a row, have at it. The bad thing about pay-per-view is if the signal gets disrupted you're SOL. Your money is gone. Still $3.99 to see a movie in the comfort of your own home without having to shush anybody or feel someone kicking your seat is a very good deal. And to be fair, we're the dopes who rented a movie when a bad storm was predicted. It's not common to lose the signal, I'll give Dish that.

So, like I was saying, we watched the first 1 and a half hours of "Last Holiday" when the signal dropped. It was a dark and stormy night, as Snoopy would say. Heck, there was a mudslide here we've had so much rain. Anyway, we waited and sure enough the signal came back during the next showing of "Last Holiday" so we waded through about 45 minutes to get to the part where we left off and saw about 10 minutes when the signal dropped again. ARGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reminds me of the Cingular commercials about DROPPED SIGNALS!!! But I digress... a lot...

We missed about 10 minutes and then the signal re-established itself and we saw the last 10 minutes or so. Bottom line: except for the 10 minutes we missed (the ultimate confrontation between the villain and the heroine--what a thing to miss, right?!) we liked it. I guess we could have stayed up for the next showing but, jeezelouise, we would have had to wait until ~ 1:30 in the morning to get to the point we missed again.

Queen Latifah did a very good job, as did the rest of the cast (notably Gerard Depardieu), in this lighthearted if highly predictable comedy. I give it, erm, (making up a rating system on the spot)... 3 out of 4 Jujubees. Kudos to the make-up artist and wardrobe specialist for making this beautiful woman look so very, very bleah at the beginning of the film.

Brangelina had my love child/Britney Spears can raise it

So do I have to write about sensational things like Brangelina and Britney Spears to get hits on my blog? Cause I can write about Brangelina and Britney Spears if I have to... not that I want to. Not that I don't get a little naseous just thinking about Brangelina or Britney. But if I include 27 references to both Brangelina and Britney Spears will people sit up and take notice of this blog? As if there was anything left unsaid about Brangelina or Britney Spears. And who the heck cares anymore? Could Brangelina or Britney BE any more overexposed?

Obligatory keywords: new baby, lousy mother, child endangerment, Africa, "we're country", poor Jennifer, Kevin.

Hey it works for People magazine--they write about Brangelina and Britney Spears (gosh, I hope I'm spelling those right), maybe it'll work for my little blog.

Yeah, I've sold out. In under a week. (Talk about living the American Dream!!)

I want to thank all the little people that made this moment possible: Snoop Dogg, Lindsey Lohan, K-Fed, and especially Brangelina and Britney Spears.

"I'm somebody now! I'm somebody now! The new phone book is here!" --The Jerk

Well, finally, Google and Yahoo search engines recognize and even point to this space! Woo-hooooooooooooo! I feel... acknowledged and... humbled at the same time. *Sniff* Now if the rest of the world just cared... :)

Blogs, we hardly knew ye

So is blogging the way to highlight true new talent or just so much more navel gazing? Seems awfully narcissistic to write a blog, especially when you're not Che Guevara or something. And will searching for interesting stuff get more sophisticated as more garbage is out on the internet? How do we separate the wheat from the formidable piles and piles of chaff? Will there be internet critics to point to the chic blogs? Perhaps there are already. Maybe that's the job to go for. Internet critic. As Arsenio used to say, in his only contribution to the culture, "makes you go hmmmmm...."

Horns a plenty or national standard for auto horn placement

They have standards for everything else, so why can't they come up with a national or even an international standard for where the car horn is? Every time I rent a car I have to play "find the horn" and once I do find it I'm honored with yet a different sound then I've heard before. Some horns are high little "oh pardon me would you mind if I just..." toots others are "GET THE *#%^$&# OUTTA MY WAY" blasts. I guess it's just a matter of time until you can personalize your car horn with ringtones. Not sure how to respond to "My Humps" if it's tooted at me. Hmmmgrumble.

Cohousing in paradise? Caribbean communities? Art collectives? Writers' commune?

Hmmm.... drawing two interests together: cohousing and living in the Caribbean. Do the two co-exist? Similarly, are there artist communities/art collectives that get set up in gorgeous beach locations? How great would it be to retire to an artist's community in a fantastic tropical setting? Hubby could draw, I could write or paint... what a lovely way to putter the day away.

Leaving the rat race for a tropical paradise

Check it out! There are people that actually figure out how to escape from the rat race and set up in a tropical paradise! God bless the folks who find a way to retire early and live the dream! Here's a popular link on the subject...

http://www.escapeartist.com/

It's awful nice... it's paradise... (where to retire : tropical paradise)

So where do we retire?

Some place tropical with crystal clear water, within a day's travel of the US eastern seaboard but with a lower cost of living than US city prices, with at least six restaurants where we can "sit nice", as my cousin used to say, and get a good vegetarian meal. Some place that isn't in political or social chaos. Some place that has enough infrastructure to support our art habits, our wine habits, not to mention our need for electricity. Throw in maybe a mountain and a monkey or two to make it even more interesting. We'd trade "down" from a 4 bedroom house with a view of our neighbors to a 2 bedroom condo with a view of the ocean and live a little lighter on the earth. Less to paint, fix, decorate, upgrade, etc.

We take our handy protractor and draw an arc out south and east. Caribbean islands, Yucatan peninsula, Central America. Certainly some gorgeous options there.

Ah, one more critical factor: community.

So a search or two of the web shows plenty of retirement communities. Where are they? Florida, Florida, Texas, and Florida. I can't see supporting the Bush dynasty so directly. Why aren't there more retirement communities that follow the protractor's arc? There's certainly lots of boomers looking for options. Yet searches produce very little: places that have no view or places that are so remote you need to bushwack your way in or places that are fantastic but a studio starts at $2M.

What's up with that? Where are the venture capitalist entrepreneur types to build the dream retirement community options for the average Joe and Jane Yuppie Boomer and cash in big time?

Perhaps now that I've stated my wish to the blogging universe it will become reality.

Build it and they will come. Well, we'll come... if there's a tiki bar.