07 November 2013

"Waiting at the station with the work day wind a'blowin'" --Carole King

                          [Me, looking forward to another day at work.]

                           [Clearly he went to the wrong Subway.]

We ride in silence on the subway, absorbed in phones/readers/books/newspapers.  And, I gotta tell you, I'm loving this part of my day.  Getting a chance to read for 20 minutes in the morning and evening does wonders for me. This is much better than the frothing at the mouth, speed demon I am behind the wheel.

But today, the train is more sluggish than usual, making stops between platforms and making longer stops than normal on the platforms.  We grim little hamsters have no choice but to wait, pawing at our phone buttons for the magic pellets that make our lives complete. 

After what feels like a rather lengthy wait on a platform, the doors close and we start to move.  At this point the conductor says over the speaker, "Do you SEE the train that's DIRECTLY BEHIND ME??"  We look up in surprise.  Clearly he is not talking to us but still...


So, today I am thankful for the subway train driver who decided not to wait for clearance to get moving again. 

06 November 2013

"He was a lowdown cheap little punk" --R.H.P.S.

You want to know what causes gun violence?  This, right here.

This video is all over the Interwebs and it's the second year in a row that parents are filming their kids freaking out when they are told (incorrectly) that said parents have eaten all their Halloween candy.

Thanks, Jimmy Kimmel.

Because kids don't scream and cry and hit enough?  Couldn't we just slam there little heads into brick walls and film those reactions, too?  Or maybe hit them in the crotch with a baseball bat? That way we could submit the tape to America's Funniest Home Videos.

WTF, parents??  Do you want your kids to trust you or not?!

Question du jour:  Am I the only one that doesn't understand the "punked" mentality?  What is this desire to lie to someone who trusts you and film them reacting negatively?  Is there something wrong with me that I don't think watching people getting hurt to "booiiing" noises on America's Funniest Home Videos is even a little bit funny?

05 November 2013

"Knock, knock, knockin on heaven's door" --Bob Dylan

I am so not a fan of the "Knock! Knock!"

Not the joke because how can you not be a big fan of the Knock! Knock! joke?!  Classic comedy, that's what it is.  One of my favorites:

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh--

*slaps knee and wipes tear from eye*  Now THAT'S comedy!

No, I'm talking about the unfunny "Knock! Knock!"

Now that I am in a new role and have moved to a different work location for a year, I have moved from a private office to a cubicle.  One of the peculiar things I've discovered in cubicle living*, is that people come to my cube entrance and say "Knock! Knock!"  The hell?!  What is wrong with saying "Excuse me"?  Why must people say "Knock! Knock!"?

And, as long as I'm feeling peevish, let me add that "Excuse me" should not be followed by a steady stream of whatever topic the person is on about.  It should be followed by a pause to determine if, indeed, the badgeree wishes to be interrupted. On the plus side, I don't have Medical Mel next to me...

And, speaking of strange things to listen to:  Am I the only one that misses the public pay phone?  Remember when there was a Plexiglas barrier between the caller and everyone else so we didn't have to listen to things we should never be subjected to listening to??

I am old.

I am crotchety.

Hear me (and Katy Perry) roar.

* How comes there's no magazine entitled "Cubicle Living" in the vein of Martha Stewart's "Living" or all those other Living magazines ("Country Living", "Southern Living", "Coastal Living", "Whole Living", "Healthy Living","Subway Grate Living", ...)?  There could be columns about cubicle etiquette and ways to decorate your cubicle and 5 exercises you can do while in your cubicle and.... Oh yeah. Print is dead.