11 June 2012

"Don't stand so close to me" --The Police

I have had strangers tuck my tag.  I'll be walking around with a tag sticking out of the neck of my blouse or dress and suddenly feel a hand on the back of my neck.  This is not cool.  Don't tuck my tag unless you are a friend of mine.  Say "Excuse me, your tag is sticking out" and let me tuck my own damn tag.* 

It's not like they reached over to zip my fly for me or adjust my bra strap or tuck my underwear back into the back of my jeans*** or picked a bit of salad greens out of my teeth (also gotta go with a big fat No on all these), but still--not appropriate.

Over-sensitive?  Maybe.  I just think there are things best left to the individual to deal with themselves, especially if we're talking strangers.

 On a related note:  Years later, the one scene I can remember clearly from the The Newlywed Game****, was, oddly enough, not whoopee related.  In it, a woman admitted, and her husband confirmed, that she picked his nose for him.  Because she had long fingernails.  She wiggled them for the camera.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Questions du jour:  Do you want strangers tucking your tags?  Do you want loved ones picking your nose?

* After all, this could be my signature style.  Speaking of signature style... little known fact:  Tommy Hilfiger had his favorite shirt stolen at summer camp so he decided to write TOMMY HILFIGER in huge letters across the front of all his clothes. And the rest is history.**

** You don't know, it could have happened.

*** Granny panties are still the rage, right?

**** I think Jerry Springer must recruit from the same pool of idiots that The Newlywed Game dredged.  Who says "So, let me get this straight... I can go on national television and talk about the details of my sex life and who in my family my spouse hates and which of my friends my spouse wants to sleep with?  Sure!  That sounds like a great idea!  What could go wrong with that?" *****

***** Note to self:  I shouldn't really complain about The Jerry Springer Show since they just offered me a free makeover!  I'm so excited!!!  That sounds like a great idea!  What could go wrong with that?

07 June 2012

"Your love is sweet misery" --Aerosmith

*stands*  Hi, my name is L. A. and I am a Saabaholic.

How else do you explain going through this with the first Saab and then buying another Saab?

*sticks chin out resolutely* Well, this is my second and LAST Saab.*

Yes, they do help my lead foot take flight BUT permit me to explain my latest in a long series of strange Saab experiences...

Me, sounding disturbingly like Milton in Office SpaceThe alarm on my car goes off at odd times for no apparent reason.  My husband and I are nowhere near the fobs and suddenly it'll go off, by itself, and I've got to run and get the fob to turn it off.  Yesterday it went off four times in a row.  The alarm goes off, I run and turn it off, a minute passes and it goes off again!  Over and over!  This only seems to happen at home.  My neighbors are not pleased.

The Saab service guy, AKA Mr. Helpful:  Could be a weak alarm system.  You say you can turn if off with the fob?

Me:  Yes.

Mr. Helpful:  Then it's not that.  If it was a weak alarm system, you wouldn't be able to turn it off with the fob.

Me:  ...

Mr. Helpful:  You can bring it in and we can test it.  But if it's intermittent, we may not find it since it might not happen while it's here.

Me: It only seems to happen at home.

Mr. Helpful:  That might be hard to reproduce, then.

Me, gritting my teeth:  Is it possible that something in the neighborhood, like another person's alarm control is setting it off?

Mr. Helpful:  Sure!  There are only so many frequencies.  I've heard of that happening.

Me:  Is it possible to just turn the alarm off?  Permanently?

Mr. Helpful:  We can bypass the alarm mechanism but it'll run you about $250.  *pause* It can be done but it's not easy to get to.  You'll have to leave it and we'll give you a loaner.

I commit to nothing and get off the phone.  I vent to Hubs.  Hubs googles it and finds a slew of people reporting the same problem.

Hubs:  I found a fix on the Internet!

Me:  Great!

Hubs:  Get in the car, put the key in but turn the motor off.  Then press the "Night Panel" button.

Me:  Okay, and then what?

Hubs:  That's it.  I think you may have to hold the button for a few seconds.

Me:  That can't be all there is to it.

All the same, I go out to the car. With the key in and the motor off, I press "Night Panel" for three seconds.  The blinking indicator that shows the alarm is activated GOES OFF!!!

The alarm hasn't activated since.  For this tremendous effort they wanted $250.   

#$^*!%@  Saab!

Question du jour:  What percentage of car mechanics do you feel are honest?

* That would sound a whole lot tougher if the company was still in business and producing Saabs.  Nope!  They've gone under.  Can't imagine why.  *rolls eyes*